you know you're a runner if

Member

I wrote these last December and still find them hysterically funny. Feel free to add your own.

1. It hurts to spend $2 on a protein bar, but you happily spend $30 more for a shirt simply because it says “Coolmax” on the tag.
2. You think 40 degrees is warm, and the ideal temperature falls between 45 and 60.
3. You know, in tenth of a mile increments, how far everything within a 10 mile radius of your house is, and describe how to get places as “the short and fast way”, “the long and EZ way”, or “the hilly way”.
4. Shaving 5 seconds off yesterday’s time makes you feel great the whole day long.
5. You no longer correct people when they say a marathon is 26 miles and a half is 13.
6. Your nickname is “The Masochist”.
7. You think the best gift anyone can give you is sponsorship for your next race.
8. You drink so much sports drink you wonder why you’re not sweating out Gatorade like in the commercial.
9. Your friends know not to call after 9pm and no longer ask you out for drinks on Saturday night.
10. You wish there were more hours in the day so you could run doubles.
11. You go through so much petroleum jelly the store clerk thinks you are a parent of quadruplets.
12. People think you’re in a whole lot better shape than YOU think you are.
13. You think the best part about holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas is that there are significantly fewer cars for you to dodge on your morning run.
14. When you hurt, you figure you’ll “run through it” rather than visit a doctor.
15. You take the elevator/escalator all day to save your knees for tomorrow’s long run (or recuperate from today’s).
16. When you think “my God, why am I doing this?” during a sh!t run, and then “I can’t wait to do this tomorrow!” when it’s over.
17. You generate more laundry than a newborn.
18. You believe that beer drinking is “carbing up”.
19. Your family and friends are amazed, even frightened, by how much food you can consume without gaining weight.
20. You freak out when someone asks “So, how was your jog this morning?”
21. Hearing the “Rocky” theme song gives you goose bumps.
22. Your running log is 100 times more intricate than the national budget.
23. You’ve developed a drug addiction for glucosamine choindroitin.
24. You can say “five miles” and “easy run” in the same breath with a straight face.
25. The only time major household projects get done is in a taper or race recovery.
26. You believe a T-shirt sleeve is a perfectly acceptable substitute for a tissue.
27. If you trip and fall, you’re able to stop your watch before hitting the ground.
28. You believe waking at 8am is sleeping in.
29. You wonder if Tom Hanks’ long run in “Forrest Gump” is really possible.
30. You are not embarrassed to show someone where your hamstring REALLY hurts.
31. You pass a runner while driving and are envious.
32. You put more mileage on your car tallying running distances than during your commute.
33. No one believes you when you say “never again”.
34. You plan vacations and family outings around races.
35. You read this list and see how much it applies to you, yet think it’s all normal.
fubby

Member

#33 ... yep

Oompa Loofah

You avoid/consume certain foods because of how your stomach will react on your run.

You think nothing of spending $100 on a pair of running shoes but buy your dress shoes from the clearance bin.

Your running clothes are the most expensive items of your wardrobe.

edited to add: your running gear is always neatly organized and accesible, yet you can't ever find the right belt or hose or dress socks.

Frightened Inmate #2

Member

Member

I was amazed at the number of these things that apply to me.

Adjunct

many of them apply to me.

Especially the seeing another runner one.

crazy cat lady

Member

You might be a triathlete if...

You are sick to your stomach at 2:00 in the morning and check the back of the Pepto Bismol bottle for caloric content and grams of carbohydrates, fat and protein.

You have plenty of water bottles, safety pins, and t-shirts.

You have trouble keeping lunch under 2000 calories.

You usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.

You have a $4000 bike strapped on top of Your $2000 car.

You have no trouble pushing a day's caloric intake to over 8000 calories.

Your area needs rain real bad but you're mad when it does cause it screws up Your run and bike schedule... ,actually, You might be mad, but you still go out for your ride or your run in the rain...

You're always wet! Either sweat water, pool water, sea water, shower water, bath water or its p*****g down outside!

Your bed-time reading on your night stand consists of a pile of: DeSoto catalogs; InsideTri; Triathlete, VeloNews, USMA Swim, etc.

You haven't bought work clothes in two years, yet you own bike shorts made by every manufacturer under the sun and can recite the merits of CoolMax, Supplex, etc. in your sleep!

Your car has at least one Power Bar wrapper and two sets of work out clothes!

You know
You could make a killing at Jeopardy if only the categories were: - Past winners of Hawaii Ironman - Legs shaving techniques - 40-30-30 diet - Aerodynamics racing wheels - Gastrointestinal problems and long runs - How to justify a 4000$ bike

Your kids idea of playing is a bike and run race followed by clif bars, water bottles and awards ceremony.

Your laundry continually smells like someone locked the cat in overnight...

You leave your apartment or house in the morning with your swim bag on one arm, bike on one shoulder, a change of clothes in another bag, and your running stuff in another bag in case

You can get away at lunch for a workout.

You look like a pack mule wherever You go.

You wave at other cyclists, because all triathletes are friendly and if they are not, they are probably purist cyclists trying to get into triathlons and they do not know that triathletes are friendly.

You can't decide what tee shirt to where to your next race.

You no longer take vacations but weekend triathlon junkets.

You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers

The one "suit" you own has a QR on the chest.

You think about having sex, but You don't want it to effect your morning run splits. (Or if You do, you wear a heart rate monitor and measure your recovery time afterwards)

Your living room has the "swim pile" and the "bike pile" and the "run pile" and the "weight room pile" and you pick and choose kind of like a cafeteria on your way out the door.

Your kitchen cupboards are organized into "protein", "carbs" and "etc"

Your breakfast consists of enough bagels that the bagel guy hands you a freezer bag with Your order.

You're tempted to do your long rides in a speedo so that you don't have a stupid tan for your next race.

Your bath towel is never dry.

You bring bottled water to a party so that you're properly hydrated for the next morning's long run.

Everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water because you don't have a social life outside of triathlon.

Oh yeah, and they all showed up by 7pm and left by 10pm.

Your company announces mandatory unpaid shutdown days - every other Friday throughout the summer - in order to cut costs and stay in business, and your response is "Great - now I can do two long workouts on the weekends and still have an easy day."

You buy a separate dresser for all your race t-shirts.

Your 8 year old comes home with the school record for the mile and says, he took it out in a nice pace he could hold.....everyone else died.

You fill your kids' water bottles with Cytomax instead of blue Gatorade.

You can ask your mom and your sister and all other girlfriends for shaving advice!!!

You say that you went to a race last weekend...and somebody responds "running or biking" and you are again forced to explain....

Your co-workers catch you with a 'King Sized' meal deal from Burger King, and you can smile and tell them that you will have no problem working this off on the way home.

You started the day with a protein shake, had a scone and latte after swimming and commuting, then head out for coffee with the coworkers and have a bagel and cream cheese.

You wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.

You name your two new puppies Kona and Hawaii

The dog hides until you've showered.

Your spouse wants dinner out and a movie, so you agree, but fall asleep during the previews and catch hell.

Mowing the lawn really smarts after being aero all morning.

You show up at the neighborhood pool on your bike in a speedo and
embarrass your teenage daughters.

You've spent more on bikes in the last 10 years than you have on clothes for the past 50!

Your hair is never dry.

You were awake for the Northridge quake (4:30 AM) because you were out running ... and you showed up for 6 AM Masters swim workout and wondered where everybody was.

Somebody hands you a cup of water and you have to restrain yourself from pouring it on your head.

You forget that talking about daily LSD [Long Slow Distance] and speed weirds some people out.

You have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day. Damnit, I mowed the lawn, cleaned the house, washed the car, and there's STILL 4 hours of daylight left! Aarrgghh!

You return from your *Mini-vacation* more exhausted than before you left!

You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 yards.

crazy cat lady

Okay, I'm not a triathlete but I guess I spend enough time on a bike to relate to a lot of those as well.... Embarassed

I think I need a life...

Oompa Loofah

crazy cat lady

Excelent

You keep your running stuff seperate, and its always the first in and out of the laundry.

You hide you running socks from your SO, so he/she doesn't wear them

Member

Master of Prissface

you know you're a runner if

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