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ShannonG
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Joined: 20 Mar 2003
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 Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:04 Post subject: when people getting married lose their minds
Seriously, BIL and his fiance have gone off the deep end a month before the wedding. I suspect they're a) run out of money or b) didn't really plan very well up until this point. Here's a bried scoresheet of what life with them has been like.
Hubby's in the wedding party, and BIL had said he was going to buy each guy in his wedding party a suit jacket to wear for the wedding as a thank you for standing up with him. We get a call on a Friday night that hubby should show up at the tailors on Sat morning to be fitted for an entire suit. Oh, and bring $200.
Fiance wants us to rent her a houseboat ($300/hr) for her shower.
BIL wants his buddies to take him golfing at Predator Ridge ($100/round before you start drinking).
Just got a 'demand letter' (yes, that's what they called it) stating that my 'task' for the wedding was to make veggie platters and salads for 180 people.
Did I mention that no one seems to know how many people are coming to this wedding? Numbers vary from 120 to 180. AND they sent out wedding invites that didn't have their names on them. People were digging in the garbage to find the envelope for the return address to see who sent it.
OK, vent over. Go back to your day.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:07 Post subject:
I read something similar in the Dear Annie (is that what they call it now?) column a few days ago. The answer: YOU tell them what you are willing to do and can afford to do. If they want something beyond that, they have to find another way.
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:13 Post subject:
what about single ply toilet paper they upset about that. 
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ShannonG
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:19 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | what about single ply toilet paper they upset about that. |
Probably! They have really shut out hubby's family, too, and while his mom can be a bit intrusive she would have done ANYTHING to help out. I feel badly for them.
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akern
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:20 Post subject:
Spending big money on weddings is silly. (unless you have plenty of money to spend) Keiths Niece got married last year about 1 week after she graduated high school. Her parents paid for her wedding by refinancing their house! (screw that). She went around like a spoiled brat and picked out the most expensive of everything.
She shows up at our house one day and says " I'm getting married!" I need you to show up tomorrow to get fitted for your dress. OH and bring $125 dollars to put down on it.  She didn't even ask me if I would be in her wedding just assumed I would. (I didn't)
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ShannonG
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:24 Post subject:
The only good thing about this whole situation is the opportunity to score some massive brownie points with the inlaws. MIL said "I really wish one of my kids would get married in our backyard", and "I really want to throw someone a wedding shower."
Hubby and I are looking at making things legal next summer so if we have the wedding there and let her throw me a shower she'll love me forever! 
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AlaninTX
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 6582
Location: Austin, Texas
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:30 Post subject:
The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house. I had a fairly modest wedding--but I watched quite a few of my friends put on big production weddings...and had to shell out cash.
The more I watched, the more I realized that most of the couples I knew really were not so much interested in a wedding ceremony, as a production where they get to be the "star." I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over how many of these marriages lasted beyond about three years.
Hence why my wife and I choose a rather modest wedding with a focus on the ceremony and not the pre- and post- parties.
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ShannonG
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 13:32 Post subject:
| AlaninTX wrote: | The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house. I had a fairly modest wedding--but I watched quite a few of my friends put on big production weddings...and had to shell out cash.
The more I watched, the more I realized that most of the couples I knew really were not so much interested in a wedding ceremony, as a production where they get to be the "star." I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over how many of these marriages lasted beyond about three years.
Hence why my wife and I choose a rather modest wedding with a focus on the ceremony and not the pre- and post- parties. |
Very wise words, Alan. I used to think that a wedding was just for the two people getting hitched, but now I realize it's a momentous day for both families. If my MIL wants to dive in and help plan my wedding, more power to her. I really don't have time anyway.
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shelflifers
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Joined: 10 Jun 2002
Posts: 18633
Location: Austin, TX
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 14:05 Post subject:
I think it's all about expectations...and the pressures that result from these expectation is what makes planning a wedding get all out of whact. From what you've told us, shannon...these two couldn't plan a party at Chuck E. Cheese...
The number one reason people divorce today is because of financial reasons...Are they seeking any type of counseling? (besides going to the casino  )...
Joy and trimmed our guest list down by a hundred, kept the costs very low and focussed on important things (like us.) Oh, and booking a cool/groovy band didn't hurt our cause either!
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 16:09 Post subject:
I'll never understand the mentality behind spending so much. For my wedding the cost (including honeymoon, showers, batch party)...
to my parents..zero
to my in-laws..zero
attendants.. $70 (tux or dress)
all other guests.. zero
jrjo... about $1000 and rightly so, I asked for it (on bended knee).
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 17:43 Post subject:
| AlaninTX wrote: | The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house. I had a fairly modest wedding--but I watched quite a few of my friends put on big production weddings...and had to shell out cash.
The more I watched, the more I realized that most of the couples I knew really were not so much interested in a wedding ceremony, as a production where they get to be the "star." I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over how many of these marriages lasted beyond about three years.
Hence why my wife and I choose a rather modest wedding with a focus on the ceremony and not the pre- and post- parties. |
I agree. Being an only child, I am used to being the star, and as a kid always wanted a huge wedding, but after being to a couple and seeing the waste, I have grown out of that. Being a picky, anal control freak, I also want everything the way I want it....which means doing a lot of it myself, but that saves money. I did a lot of the stuff for my cousin's wedding, the favors, centerpieces, all the flowers, bridesmaid's headpieces, and if I could sew I'd probably make my own dress (NOT that I am even considering anything as scary as getting married.....not after the last couple close calls I have had....no sir, no thank you!  ).
Keep it simple and spend the cash elsewhere, that's my motto. Less explaining to do when it doesn't last.... Cynical? Who, meeeeee?
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 18:33 Post subject:
| AlaninTX wrote: | The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house.
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A big fat  to this!!!
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 19:02 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | | AlaninTX wrote: | The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house.
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A big fat to this!!! |
I wanted the money for house she wanted the big wedding in hindsight we should have done the money for the house
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omega lambda
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Posted: 05/05/03 - 20:35 Post subject:
| AlaninTX wrote: | | The longer I am married, the more I see the wisdom in skipping the big wedding and taking the money and buying a house. |
Another big fat
And ShannonG, I think your BIL and future SIL are self-centered, selfish, spolied brats and if it were me, I'd say NO! If they were well-mannered, gracious people, they would handle the wedding arrangements themselves, ASK not TELL family and friends for assistance, and allow the Best Man and Maid/Matron of honor to plan the showers and bachelor parties to fit within their own means. At least it sounds as though they are well-suited for each other.
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elkid
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 05/06/03 - 11:58 Post subject:
| omega lambda wrote: | | And ShannonG, I think your BIL and future SIL are self-centered, selfish, spolied brats and if it were me, I'd say NO! If they were well-mannered, gracious people, they would handle the wedding arrangements themselves, ASK not TELL family and friends for assistance, and allow the Best Man and Maid/Matron of honor to plan the showers and bachelor parties to fit within their own means. At least it sounds as though they are well-suited for each other. |
Amen, brotha. Shannon, you should boycott this display of rudeness and insanity.
Each of my 3 brothers had huge weddings with huge price tags. One was so big there were people in the pictures that I didn't even SEE at the event. The Paramedic and I had an "off-season" wedding in January to cut down on costs (plus it was a lot cooler!) for like 1/3 of the cost. I bought my dress wholesale in NYC and made my own headpiece. I designed my girls' dresses, and swapped the rights to the design for a supah huge discount on them. We knew a lot of people "in the biz", so we got our photography, invitations, DJ, and favors (homemade chocolate!) for cheap or as a wedding gift.
It was exactly what I wanted: big and elegant enough to satisfy my need to be the center of attention, small enough to be affordable and intimate enough that we could chat with everyone. If we could do it over again, there's not much I would change about it. People who think you can't have a great wedding on a smallish budget are kidding themselves.
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