when you both work (outside the home)

The Pinball

Mr. Rock: so what you are saying is that i don't do anything around this place to help you

Me: Um,

(thinking absolutely Frickin' right on buddy) well, let's just say that if i worked a 40 hour job, yo a$$ would be folding this laundry.....

How do you divvy up the housework when both people work?? Would he be doing more around the house or is that a damn pipedream too? I'm at home so i do everything -- everything except mow the grass. I am even doing car maintenance now.

i'm sure this has been up here before but am i just fooling myself believing he would be helping more if i were out of the house all week??

would he?????????????????????????????????????????

Excelent

Jen works all weekends and is home during the week. She does most of the cleaning.

The laundry is a team effort, but I usually end up putting in away.

We never really divied up the chores just kinda did what needs to be done.

I will be giving up my grocery shopping duties (too much up and down on the steps) and I will most likely take on something else.

The Pinball

i'm almost positive we would need some kind of spoken contract.

if not, i'm also almost positive he would be flopping on the couch while i storm around up to my eyes in housework.

i'm almost glad to take it all on cuz i just imagine some sort of extra added TENSION around the who does what list.

the kilted one

that's a tough issue RR. I should do more, but sometimes when the schedule gets full I don't want to do much when I get home. When I got home Sunday night the trash was overflowing. I had emptied everything thurs night before I left. I was pretty ticked that instead of emptying the overflowing trash can, 1 of the 3 possible suspects chose to get out a trash bag and start filling it, letting it sit on the floor in the kitchen. I guess I'm the only person who knows how to empty the trash.

mrs. keltic leaves subtle hints about the dishes: she'll do all the dishes except the ones she knows I used Shocked

so I've been trying to do better at that. (although today I was in a foul mood so I did just my dishes and left the rest for her)

Member

My beloved Evil or Very Mad

husband loads the dishwasher once a week, and will wash one load of clothes per week. Note, I didn't say he unloaded the dishwasher, folded laundry, or put away afore mentioned items. He mows the yard once a month if it needs it or not. (okay, on this one, I can't help, horribly allergic to grass)

In order to keep my sanity, I hire a neighbor kid to do the yard, and ignore the rest. I figure he has so many other wonderful traits that I should just deal with it. (see how well that's working for me) Very Happy

So I guess my answer is NO, if you're doing most of it now, it will stay that way. I'm sure there are plenty of households where one spouse does most of the chores.

Member

Almost four years ago I changed from being a stay-at-home mom who did everything to being the primary wage-earner in the household. He was a SAHDad for the first nine months and went INSANE. He did NOT do all that I had done (let alone all that needed to get done). At 9 months he starting working part-time because he couldn't take being at home. He changed to full-time after 6 months because he enjoyed it. In the past year or so the chores have become much more evenly divided. It took that long. And keep in mind that all three children are now in school (one part-time kindergarten).

I also stopped doing the chores that were of no importance to me or to the family's well-being. I continue doing those I either enjoy or care about. He initially had a problem with undone chores until he learned (after being irritated) that he could do it if it bothered him.

Excelent

What things around the house does Mr. Rock do?

Member

We never had a formal chore divvying. We just play to our strengths and what seems fair (ie he's a great cook, I don't know how, so I do the dishes).

But his sense of "clean enough" and mine are very different, as are our notions of an appropriate schedule of when things have to happen. I got real tired of having the same argument about mopping the floor or whatever so I hired a service. Costs more but I don't have to spend the little free time I have slaving away, and I think my time is worth a lot. It's really the only commodity I have.

Turns out we're better at constant maintenance when it's just a matter of picking up after ourselves for 10 minutes.

It only took our being married for 12.5 years to get to this insight. Wink

Edited to say: I do love this guy like mad. He's got a lot of great points. But clearly there's had to be some big pow-wows to get where we are. Also, he hates the service and blames them for any/every little thing. I don't care.

my boys could swim

Well, our situation is little different than most.

I do almost all of the laundry. Sometimes the wife starts to help though. She never does a load to completion though, wash, dry, fold, put-away. Usually does one or two steps total.

She does most of the "real cleaning" with cleanser, dusting, vaccuuming, etc...however, I do some of that too.

It's the worst when I am gone coaching alot, like during bb season. When I am home, she expects me to do everything, because I wasn't there before...and when I'm gone, she doesn't do as much because she feels it isn't fair, and then I end up having to do more when I am home.

It can be frustrating. We have learned over the years that things are not going to be perfect, and sometimes things just don't get done. It's OK, just move on and continue.

Hope this helps. dunno

the kilted one

The Pinball

Member

I finally came unhinged and gave hubby a chore, one chore, but it was the chore that I hated the most; vacuuming. Now, on Sun, Tues, and Thurs evenings he must vacuum all the carpeted areas of the house and the furniture. One of the two men that lives here usually deals with the garbage too although it's with subtle prompting from me.

"Get your lazy ass off the couch and take out the garbage!"

The Pinball

let me just add that i truly admire you working marrieds who keep it together. in mr.'s defense, i have no idea how he would react if the going got tuff and i went to work, i can only imagine a damn battlefield that would get very ugly. like shoving the dirty dishes around till they walk into the dishwasher themselves. lots and lots of rolling eyes and sighing loudly.....

it would become a principle thing---we can both be so stubborn.

i don't know how you don't let resentment get the better of you. I might be dropping the laundry basket at his feet too, who knows.

Member

I must say that I do almost all of the housework. She will sometimes do her laundry, but never mine. I usually wind up doing hers as well. And I do Michael's. I usually do it the night before she's home with him, so she will have all day the next day to at least put it away. 90% that never happens. I wind up doing that part too. I do all of the dishes. I wash Michael's stuff by hand right after he uses it, just so it's ready and clean for the next meal. Everything else goes in the washer, and I do that as well. As for general cleaning, sweeping, etc., that's alot me as well. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have thought about this...I'm getting frustrated.

Member

I'm happy to announce that, for now, I have accepted the fact that I do most of the chores around the house. Cuz I know once we have kidlets, Joy won't work and she'll be responsible for at least 1/2 of the duties...

when you both work (outside the home)

LIFEFORM SOCIAL COMMUNITY NETWORK