tricky moral dilemma

Member

My goddaughter who is also my niece is getting a bit wild (at twelve years old). Sampling boys and alcohol far beyond appropriate levels. My sister, whom I love, has a tendency to let things go too far and then drop the hammer o' disciplinary doom, which with a preteen will lead to further rebellion (I think). She is leaning toward yanking the kid out of school and away from influential friends and homeschooling. Actually, she thinks the kid will homeschool herself while she runs her business.
My suggestion was to sit and talk with the kid (imagine that). Lay out the options. Make it clear she would NOT be attending that school with those friends, but she could have input into a) attending another school and making new friends or b) homeschooling.
As godparent do I have an obligation to offer to have small hellion come and stay with me for a while? I would rather drink bleach, frankly. A preteen who's acting like a teen would be the death of me.

Member

You do have the responsibilty to offer some words to her parent. your opinion so to speak. "Have you tried this?" kind of thing. you do not HAVE to take her in. BUT you did say something to that effect when you took the role of God mother.

Member

I just had a long talk with the mom and told her what I would do. I don't recall her asking if we would ever take the kids if they became delinquents, just in case of death on both parents' parts. I want the best for my niece but I have a responsibility to the children I look after as well. This young lady is NOT a positive role model at the moment.

The mom hasn't even discussed all these happenings with the dad yet, so it would be premature to offer for her to stay here. They need to start having more communication within the family before I get involved.

Member

Member

It could be that you would be the one to turn her around, if you know what to do. Sounds like you would have to undo whatever her parents have done or not done, as it seems is the case here. Whatever the kid is or isn't doing right now, at this age, it is all on mom & dad. If she's as bad as your post leads me to believe she is now, then heaven help those folks when she hits teens in earnest. I wonder how thrilled mom & dad will be at being grandparents in a few years? That'd be something worth mentioning when you're throwing about your 2c.

Being a parent is hard, no two ways about it.

Would living with you put her in a different school district?

Good luck in any case. I hope changes are made and things improve.

Member

I'm not sure I would recommend home schooling for that instance. If said parent cannot somehow control the childs behavior now, what makes them think they can make them do their lessons?

My nephew's situation is similar. He decided he did not want to go to school so his mom decided to homeschool. What is really happening is well, nothing. He sits around all day and does nothing. I'm not sure how they are getting away with this. As a family member its hard to sit back and watch. I've even considered turning them in to somebody (but I don't know who). The only thing this kid is learning is to be a big POS for the rest of his life.

I think homeschooling is great for the right families and circumstances.

Member

Oompa Loofah

Well, I'm tickled that you care enough to get involved in this girl's life. Your actions may well be what saves her.

It sounds like she has too few boundaries and too many liberties.

You're right about reigning it in pronto.

Is it possible to get her involved in work that makes her think about someone/something else? Like help you with your horses? An animal shelter? A homeless shelter?

Or a sport or after school activity that she could excel in? She probably needs to be redirected and learn how to value herself and learn what she can excel at--so she can learn some self respect.

your favorite weapon

homeschooling for a 12 year old that's drinking and havin' relations? Neutral

i know a few kids that turned out fine with those kinds of activities (and more)...

i don't think homeschooling is a good thing for that, if i'm 12 i'd probably lash out against that. considering that's one of the most important ages to have friends and find yourself and everything.

i think mom and dad have some issues to sort out first. they can't have a daughter running rampant if they're only going to lower the boom when the police show up on the doorstep.

maybe you could adopt her when the other options (short of home schooling her or putting her in a private school deal) have been exercised.

oh- you might also look into renting the movie Thirteen for yourself and the parents. it was co-written by a 16 y/o girl based on some of her experiences, and it's got some preteen drama for a reality check.

The Pinball

i think she's crying out for attention, mainly her parents' attention.

she is on the road to ruin though and homeschooling isn't her answer. taking her out of her current school=more emotional trauma for her which would lead to more acting out i think. she will seek out the same crowd at any other school; anyone who will validate her feeling of insecurity right now will do.

her mom sounds very busy running her business. she need to get to the business of raising her child; the kid wants her attention and is doing anything destructive to prove her point.

i'd probably suggest counseling for both of them. the "fix" here is not an easy one; it will be very trying.

i wish them the best, really.

Flailing Homosapiens

Ummm....couple things.

First of all, BACK THE TRUCK UP!! All this is going on and the dad doesn't know? Sounds to me like mom needs to comminicate with Dad on a more regular basis and they all need to be on the same page as to what's going on with Miss Thing if this behavior continues. That may be the root of this anyway...a little parental involvment from both parents.

Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart or the busy of life. No one homeschools themselves and if this one feels she can sample the pleasures of life at such a young age, I imagine that self-discipline is not high on her list of assets.

That's just my take on the situation. I don't know the particulars of the relationship with the parents etc. so I may be way off base.

Member

Big fat

to MW and RR. I think Mom calls me to b!tch secretly hoping that I'll just fling open the doors of Chez Shanny and take the wayward niece in. This daughter is telling the other daughter (who is very close to mom) about the behavior and the other daughter is telling mom. Gee, if that isn't a call for attention I don't know what is. You don't EVER tell your sister anything you don't want your parents to know.

tricky moral dilemma

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