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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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 Posted: 12/07/03 - 14:26 Post subject: thoughts on singleness
Well, just got off the phone with a good friend I grew up with who is newly engaged leaves the endangered roster of my single friends that much smaller. Everytime one of my friends announces an engagement lately it makes me a little sad  . I don't know if its jealousy of her happiness, or more that its nostalgia for when we were all in the same boat and could relate to eachother's position in life. I am happy for my friends and actually satisfied with where I am now and where I'm headed in life, the decisions I've made, etc. I guess I should just focus on that. Its just weird now that I'm starting to head down a different road than my friends in life, that for the first time I'm kind of a lone ranger in my priorities, career decisions, life, relationships, etc. I'm pretty sure this is not a bad thing at all, its just different. Some days its easier to deal with than others I guess. Weird how previous visions of yourself and where you will be are completely different from reality sometimes, and that its not necessarily a bad thing at all. Hmmm
this concludes today's edition of 'random thoughts by pffff', tune in tomorrow when she ponders the spelling of 'liaison'... 
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 14:35 Post subject:
You're just at that age, now pffffff.....in contrast to my somewhat...ahem...older....friends, who are all on their second and some of them third engagements/marriages! I used to get that kind of sad feeling a long time ago, and back then I was in a long term relationship but possibly knew it wasn't headed for success so I still felt kinda unable to relate to that "planning for our future together" stuff that my friends were going through. Some of us have managed to stay good friends, marriage or babies don't always change the bonds of friendship....I hope that's somewhat comforting, and if they do, then perhaps your friendship was meant to be transitory. That's OK too, though--think of how different your life would have been without those people in it. That's how I've come to look at it.
Nope, it's not a bad thing at all to be going in a different direction than you thought you would 10 years ago, or even 5. Takes a long time to get comfortable with that, though. For the first time since I was a teenager I'm really OK with where my life is and whre I am headed. I'm doing what I want, not what someone else thinks I should be doing, and that can only be a good thing, no?
Very cool thought-provoking post! 
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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 15:11 Post subject:
Besides, you can watch cross-dresser figure skating and no one  .
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kobyj
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Joined: 24 Jul 2002
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Location: Lake Pine
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 15:17 Post subject:
Pffffff, I know how you feel. Several of my friends have gotten married. Just about all of my friends are in relationships. Where am I? I spend Friday nights sitting in my living room watching movies. It is depressing at times, but I also think about how I can just take off some weekend and visit friends in Chicago, Kentucky, or Michigan without getting it approved first.
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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 15:59 Post subject:
| Maddie's Wench wrote: | | Besides, you can watch cross-dresser figure skating and no one . |
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msparks
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Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 3182
Location: Jammin' at the Frim Fram, Frippin' in the Krotz
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 16:08 Post subject: Re: thoughts on singleness
| cherylpf wrote: | | Its just weird now that I'm starting to head down a different road than my friends in life.. |
Au contrere! It's not so much that you are heading down a different road, it's your friends who are taking the different route!  You are still being you. You're happy with it. They are the ones making the changes. After all, you were all on the same course. They are the ones who deviated. You are the one being steadfast! 
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elkid
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
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Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 17:08 Post subject:
I'm not single, but almost all my friends are. And I have a very similar situation to yours, because I chose not to have children. But remember - differences are what make relationships interesting. How boring it would be to have a friend exactly like you!
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monk25
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Joined: 25 Jun 2002
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Location: The Beautiful South Shore of L.I. NY
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 20:02 Post subject:
There are things about being single that I truly miss. Like just dropping everything a going wherever I want to. Spur of the moment plans. Not having the stress or the worries of a family. Those are all things that I sometimes miss.
That being said, I love being a daddy and a husband, but I know it isn't for everyone. I wouldn't change what I have now for Justin Timberlake's life of bachelorhood...
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Noley
AZhat
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 21:44 Post subject:
Oh, there's time for you...so much time.
My closest and dearest friend from HS was single for many years. I think she had given up on thinking she would ever meet her match. So, she focused on her career, traveling and having fun.
September 2001, she went out with a couple of friends for a night out on the town. Lo and behold, she met a nice gentleman from England who was working in the US for a year. From the time of their initial meeting...it was love at first sight. They have been inseparable ever since. They were married in August of '02 and now live in the UK. I've never seen her happier and it's unreal at the changes that have taken place in her life.
This all happened when she turned 34. She's now 36 and looking forward to starting a family. She never thought she would ever settle down and have a family.
You never know what's going to happen.
So, don't give up on the notion that the "right" person isn't going to come along in your life. I bet the he/she will (Cheryl and kobyj). It just takes time. Enjoy the now...
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Sandy Cheeks
Member
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Location: in the city that never sleeps
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 21:51 Post subject:
Pfff - I am so with you right now. I could have written this post.
I've been doing the same thing lately with both professional and personal goals. I know in a lot of respects I am very lucky and have accomplished quite a bit - but on the other hand I am nowhere near where I thought I would be - or where I want to be - and that can be depressing.
I think the one really good thing about feeling this way quarterlife crisis anyone? is that it forces you to reevaluate your life RIGHT NOW. Even if you're thinking about what you haven't accomplished, use that as inspiration and motivation to change yourself so that you don't do all of this or feel this way AGAIN in five years.
Anytime you need to commiserate - I'm here!
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
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Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 12/07/03 - 21:56 Post subject:
| Maddie's Wench wrote: | | Besides, you can watch cross-dresser figure skating and no one . |
Isn't "cross-dresser figure skating" redundant?
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 12/08/03 - 07:52 Post subject: Re: thoughts on singleness
| cherylpf wrote: | Weird how previous visions of yourself and where you will be are completely different from reality sometimes, and that its not necessarily a bad thing at all.
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NO. it isn't. guess it's impossible to lose those preconceived visions of your future self, but they will most likely come back to get you every time. be true to yourself pf. follow your own path, trust me here -- investing in YOU is the most valuable gift you could ever give that future self.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Posted: 12/08/03 - 10:33 Post subject: Re: thoughts on singleness
| rolling rock wrote: | | cherylpf wrote: | Weird how previous visions of yourself and where you will be are completely different from reality sometimes, and that its not necessarily a bad thing at all.
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NO. it isn't. guess it's impossible to lose those preconceived visions of your future self, but they will most likely come back to get you every time. be true to yourself pf. follow your own path, trust me here -- investing in YOU is the most valuable gift you could ever give that future self. |
ICC
I never envisioned that this is the person I would be. RR has given you the best advice. I am much happier now eventhough there are times I think I have made some bad decisions. At this point I have to say that I have peace about the changes I've had to make and that has a ring of truth to it. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
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BamBam
Member
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Posted: 12/08/03 - 10:40 Post subject:
I love them-- especially Kraft's they make so really good grilled cheese sandwiches......oh wait it isn't SINGLES....
sorry ...
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