so a cow-orker's response....
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keltic63
the kilted one
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 Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:35 Post subject: so a cow-orker's response....
to something I said regarding my divorce, has me scratching my head.
the story: a teacher (female) that I work with, and whom I consider a friend, just engaged me in a conversation about how things are going with the stbx. I mentioned the latest, which is that she refuses to allow me to claim any of our 3 children on my income tax as a dependent, which then means I have a very high tax bill. (5 digits for 2003 and 2004). This cow-orker's response was "Ha ha, I did that to my ex-husband"
she's done this once before. so now I'm thinking that she just isn't the friend that I thought she was. maybe I need to write this friend off? you know, don't cause a scene, just not bother with her anymore. and certainly don't discuss how the divorce is progressing with her. opinions?
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j1miller
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:39 Post subject:
She probably does not think of it in those terms. She probably is hurting as well.
Some people just show it strange. If she is indeed your friend, be one to her and shrug it off.
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keltic63
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:41 Post subject:
| j1miller wrote: | She probably does not think of it in those terms. She probably is hurting as well.
Some people just show it strange. If she is indeed your friend, be one to her and shrug it off. |
I guess I'm questioning if she really is my friend. There have been a few other things, but I'm starting to see a trend now. I mean, this was really funny to her today.
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akern
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:45 Post subject: Re: so a cow-orker's response....
| keltic63 wrote: |
"Ha ha, I did that to my ex-husband"
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It probably depends on what kind of "friend" she is.
1. A cow-orker whom you talk to at work but do not socialize with outside of work, I'd simply quit talking to her.
2. A cow-orker you see outside of work on a regular basis, I'd probably take the matter up with her and ask for an explaination.
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akern
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:45 Post subject: Re: so a cow-orker's response....
| keltic63 wrote: |
"Ha ha, I did that to my ex-husband"
|
It probably depends on what kind of "friend" she is.
1. A cow-orker whom you talk to at work but do not socialize with outside of work, I'd simply quit talking to her.
2. A cow-orker you see outside of work on a regular basis, I'd probably take the matter up with her and ask for an explaination.
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brie k
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:45 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: |
I guess I'm questioning if she really is my friend. There have been a few other things, but I'm starting to see a trend now. I mean, this was really funny to her today. |
Hopefully she isn't thinking that your situation is funny, but is rather reminiscing on doing this to her ex.
Not all ex's are good men (or women) and the small jabs we get in really can cause some satisfaction. I'd like to think that this is her deal, she's just happy knowing that if this is causing you pain (this is bad), it must have caused her ex some pain (but this is good). KWIM?
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 12:55 Post subject: Re: so a cow-orker's response....
| akern wrote: |
It probably depends on what kind of "friend" she is.
1. A cow-orker whom you talk to at work but do not socialize with outside of work, I'd simply quit talking to her.
2. A cow-orker you see outside of work on a regular basis, I'd probably take the matter up with her and ask for an explaination. |
#1, but I have been to her house 2 or 3 times, and noticed 2 years ago that a birthday party was given in her honor, and as people were showing those pictures from the party, realized that they had neglected to invite me. It provided a somewhat awkward moment.
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runswithscissors
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:03 Post subject:
She sounds like a male basher to me - putting all males now in the same category as the person she married and didn't work out with. If she was such a friend, she never would have said that to your face. She doesn't sound worth your time if you ask me.
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MechEngDropout
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:03 Post subject:
My personal opinion: I'd drop her. I don't like people that would laugh at that, regardless of circumstances. It's absolutely not funny that she did that to her ex, regardless of how much of an assclown he may have been.
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ShannonG
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:13 Post subject:
She sounds like a person who is completely self absorbed. When you told her how hard your ex's stance was making it for you, she could only see it from the point of view of the ex. Life's too short; I'm sure you have better friends than that to share your troubles with.
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keltic63
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:22 Post subject:
| ShannonG wrote: | | She sounds like a person who is completely self absorbed. When you told her how hard your ex's stance was making it for you, she could only see it from the point of view of the ex. Life's too short; I'm sure you have better friends than that to share your troubles with. |
Ok, now we're hitting a nerve. I don't like thinking that about this person, but I think you're right. She is self-absorbed, and I've noticed that her group of friends here at school feed that.
I do have better friends. It's sad that I've had to come to the realization that this person is not my friend.
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coachmarkos
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:37 Post subject:
yeah, I'd just not bother talking with her about anything like that.
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brie k
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 13:42 Post subject:
| MechEngDropout wrote: | | My personal opinion: I'd drop her. I don't like people that would laugh at that, regardless of circumstances. It's absolutely not funny that she did that to her ex, regardless of how much of an assclown he may have been. |
You know, you don't know anything about a good or bad marriage from the experiential side of it. You don't know anything about a separation or divorce. Just because you may be a good man, and just because Steve is a good man, doesn't mean that every man out there is. Some of them are due exactly what they dished out. You don't know this woman, and you have no idea what her situation was and is with her ex.
I honestly WILL be laughing the day I file my taxes next year, because I will claim my children. And I hope Kramer owes money out the nose. Because you know what? He gave us up for another woman, plain and simple. I fought, I tried, I did everything that most sane women would NOT do to save their marriages. And I lost, and my children lost. I hope he hemorrhages money next year. It would be the very least that would give me pleasure, sick and wrong and awful as that may sound to someone who hasn't a clue.
You just don't know how devastating it is to go from "til death do us part" to the absolutely ridiculous and unimaginable. This woman may be a sh!tty friend, or at the very least, tactless, but you don't know her. Her husband may be a real POS. And I would have to assume that she had some redeeming qualities or else Steve would not have associated with her outside of the workplace.
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rolling rock
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 15:36 Post subject:
i'd stop discussing anything with her, except the weather which always sucks so there ya go...don't share anything of a personal nature with her, she is just too insensitive to your situation being she is on the opposite side of the fence.
run from her and her mean girl friends.
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j1miller
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Posted: 04/18/05 - 15:39 Post subject:
| brie k wrote: |
You know, you don't know anything about a good or bad marriage from the experiential side of it. You don't know anything about a separation or divorce. Just because you may be a good man, and just because Steve is a good man, doesn't mean that every man out there is. Some of them are due exactly what they dished out. You don't know this woman, and you have no idea what her situation was and is with her ex.
I honestly WILL be laughing the day I file my taxes next year, because I will claim my children. And I hope Kramer owes money out the nose. Because you know what? He gave us up for another woman, plain and simple. I fought, I tried, I did everything that most sane women would NOT do to save their marriages. And I lost, and my children lost. I hope he hemorrhages money next year. It would be the very least that would give me pleasure, sick and wrong and awful as that may sound to someone who hasn't a clue.
You just don't know how devastating it is to go from "til death do us part" to the absolutely ridiculous and unimaginable. This woman may be a sh!tty friend, or at the very least, tactless, but you don't know her. Her husband may be a real POS. And I would have to assume that she had some redeeming qualities or else Steve would not have associated with her outside of the workplace.
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