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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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 Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:15 Post subject: parental snooping
is snooping thru your child's room, when she/he isn't home, an acceptable thing in your home?
i've always taken the "hands off" stance in this, believing that his room is his domain and i completely respect his privacy. i'm never searching thru drawers, never rummaging thru his desk, never going thru his belongings without his permission. i trust this child, am i being too naieve. he has never given me one reason to doubt his integrity in 16 years. am i an ostrich here?
i have a friend who thinks i'm way too laid back here. she continually searches her daughters' rooms, thoroughly, in a proactive way trying to find something/anything that might be a sign of trouble. her philosophy is if it's in my home, it should be in my hands, no matter what. her kids know this and expect the searches to happen. this is just too "gestapo" for me. 
yesterday, i had reason to believe my son was in trouble with an older kid at school (in a bullying situation). i forced myself to go thru his desk to find the proof that, yes, this kid is a problem spot in my son's HS life....totally unbeknownst to me before yesterday. 
i talked to him last night and he questioned HOW i knew this was happening...i told him where i found what i found and, somehow, i felt like a snoop for doing so. he was fine with it and, actually, seemed relieved to know that someone else is now in on the deal, which has probably been a thorn in his side for a while. 
so, how far do you go? what's acceptable?
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:18 Post subject:
I've got a new motto for you :: rolling rock - stick in the mud and head in the sand.
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:22 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | I've got a new motto for you :: rolling rock - stick in the mud and head in the sand. |
queen of denial???
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alyson98
Member
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Joined: 26 May 2004
Posts: 1602
Location: Down East
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:23 Post subject:
My mom and I agreed when I moved back in that it's unaccpetable for either of us to snoop through each other's things. I told her I didn't want to find whatever she had and she didn't want to find whatever I had. We are both grown adults though.
In your case rolling rock, I think it was ok. I wouldn't make it a habit, but you had suspisions that something bad was happening. I think you took a proactive approach to get involved in your child's life when you sensed something. I think more parents should do that. I commend you for that.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:26 Post subject:
Is now a good time to mention that you can get early pregnancy tests at the dollar store? (they're only a buck)
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:29 Post subject:
I haven't had to face these type of situations..yet. I know my oldest keeps a journal/diary of her private thoughts. I have assured her that I will not read what is in there. Until the time comes that I have good reason to search her and the boys room, I will most likely respect their privacy
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alyson98
Member
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Joined: 26 May 2004
Posts: 1602
Location: Down East
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:30 Post subject:
| Cappy wrote: | | I haven't had to face these type of situations..yet. I know my oldest keeps a journal/diary of her private thoughts. I have assured her that I will not read what is in there. Until the time comes that I have good reason to search her and the boys room, I will most likely respect their privacy |
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My mom just found my diary from when I was a little girl. I didn't mind her reading it. It was quite hilarious actually.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:30 Post subject:
If there's something worth hiding, it's probably worth 'discovering'.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:34 Post subject:
| alyson98 wrote: | | My mom just found my diary from when I was a little girl. I didn't mind her reading it. It was quite hilarious actually. |
My daughter was reading me her diary from the 6th grade two days ago. She found it quite hysterical.
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alyson98
Member
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Joined: 26 May 2004
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:38 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: |
My daughter was reading me her diary from the 6th grade two days ago. She found it quite hysterical. |
It's funny to look at the stuff we worry about as kids compared to life now.
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akern
Member
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:39 Post subject:
I used to make weekly trash runs thru Nichole's room when she was younger. She had this habbit of keeping everything (rocks, used torn up wrapping paper, bows, candy wrappers, boxes). Now that she's older I haven't been doing that. As for snooping, at this juncture I'm undecided, but I wouldn't rule it out either.
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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:41 Post subject:
| Cappy wrote: | | I haven't had to face these type of situations..yet. I know my oldest keeps a journal/diary of her private thoughts. I have assured her that I will not read what is in there. Until the time comes that I have good reason to search her and the boys room, I will most likely respect their privacy |
I had a diary when I was 6. I think all it had in it were drawings of unicorns and rainbows and an unfortunate "I heart jeffrey". That little lock on the front? Nothing for 2 older sisters  I heard "Cheryl and Jeffrey sitting in a tree" for years. I don't even remember who jeffrey was, I think he moved when we were in second grade. having sisters is so fun. 
As for snooping...  I never had anything to hide except my young lust for jeffrey
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:41 Post subject:
| alyson98 wrote: |
It's funny to look at the stuff we worry about as kids compared to life now. |
this is kinda how i justified what i did yesterday. thanks for your comments alyson.
someone under the age of 25 agrees with me!
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MastrBrewr
Saccharomyces cerevisiae
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 6974
Location: outside
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 11:48 Post subject:
I read the subject as 'prenatal snooping'.
I'm not gonna go there.
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 10/27/04 - 12:09 Post subject:
You know what?
It's your house, it's your kid, it's your rules.
You have to decide what to do.
I'm glad I don't have to worry about this yet.
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