|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:24 Post subject: open adoption
pfff mentioned this in RR. What are your thoughts on this? Are they tempered because you yourself are adopted? Could you adopt a child knowing the biological parents would have an active presence in your child's life? Discuss.
|
|
|
|
|
jrjo
Gone Fishin
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:33 Post subject:
I'm not adopted, but I could and would. And as for as society as a whole I think more should.
|
|
|
|
|
Pug
The Movie Geek
|
|
|
Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Posts: 8924
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:35 Post subject: Re: open adoption
| elkid wrote: | | pfff mentioned this in RR. What are your thoughts on this? Are they tempered because you yourself are adopted? Could you adopt a child knowing the biological parents would have an active presence in your child's life? Discuss. |
That would be tough, and I'm not sure that I could. There might be a special circumstance if I have to adopt the child of a friend or relative, but otherwise I think I would be adopting to have my own child that me and my family raises. I see adoption as the biological parents giving up their rights, even for visitation.
But I do see a potential value in open adoption.
|
|
|
|
|
cherylpf
crazy cat lady
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 17305
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:42 Post subject:
Knowing several families who have adopted in 'closed' situations (or whatever its called where there is no contact with the parents) and how stressful even that can be, I think an open adoption would be very hard. I would always worry in the back of my head that the biological parents would want full custody. I'm with Pug, maybe if it was a friend or relative. But my friends' circumstance is a very odd one, but i guess it works for their scenario.
I could and would adopt though. In a minute.
|
|
|
|
|
Laurie Ellen
Queenie
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 14:48 Post subject:
I don't think I could do it where the parents are always visiting. I like to do things my way, and their suggestions, interference in any way, or even just significant Looks would upset me.
Also, I don't think I would like growing up living with people who are my Parents, but the people who's bodies I came from always visit... Why aren't I with THEM? Didn't they want me? How do I become attached to ALL these people?? Where does my loyalty lie?
|
|
|
|
|
RexRacer
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 17 Aug 2004
Posts: 814
Location: A pancake house of ineffable crappiness
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 14:55 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: | I don't think I could do it where the parents are always visiting. I like to do things my way, and their suggestions, interference in any way, or even just significant Looks would upset me.
Also, I don't think I would like growing up living with people who are my Parents, but the people who's bodies I came from always visit... Why aren't I with THEM? Didn't they want me? How do I become attached to ALL these people?? Where does my loyalty lie? |
I agree totally.
And not just because you bleed Black and Gold!!!
|
|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:05 Post subject:
I was adopted, as was my older brother. He wants "to know", I do not. As an adoptee I would not want an open adoption: my biological parents gave me up. For whatever reason, but they gave me up. My parents have been my parents since I was 10 days old and that's all I know, and all I want to know. Again, my brother feels exactly the opposite: he needs to know. I think he'd like the concept of having both sets of parents in his life.
I can't imagine someone checking in periodically - how disruptive that might be. I would imagine it could create discipline problems and identity issues, too. If I were an adoptive parent, no way would I go for an open adoption. I can't imagine being that desperate to even acquiesce to such an arrangement, but then again, the maternal thing isn't really my gig. I think I would adopt from overseas before I'd invite another person into my child's life to confuse them. As a parent, how could you ever consider your child truly yours if those that brought them into the world were still around?
|
|
|
|
|
RexRacer
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 17 Aug 2004
Posts: 814
Location: A pancake house of ineffable crappiness
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:14 Post subject:
| Quote: | | As a parent, how could you ever consider your child truly yours if those that brought them into the world were still around? |
Especially at a young age I think it would be so hard for the kids. I could very much see wanting to know them once you reach adulthood, though I know many adopted folks who feel just as you do.
|
|
|
|
|
Laurie Ellen
Queenie
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:15 Post subject:
| RexRacer wrote: |
I agree totally.
And not just because you bleed Black and Gold!!! |
S'right, baby!!
|
|
|
|
|
BamBam
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 05 Sep 2002
Posts: 2974
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:44 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
S'right, baby!! |
No no.....you live in the lovely confines of BROWNS country.....please don't try to take ownership of being a real football fan.... 
|
|
|
|
|
Laurie Ellen
Queenie
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:53 Post subject:
| BamBam wrote: |
No no.....you live in the lovely confines of BROWNS country.....please don't try to take ownership of being a real football fan.... |
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 15:58 Post subject:
Bam...stay on topic, you know you're secretly a Browns fan. 
Anyway...I'm adopted, and I don't feel the need to know who my birth parents are, and would not be comfortable with an open adoption. My birth parents did a great thing for me, and I am grateful, but I don't need to know who they are.
A few years ago when a signifigant health problem was discovered, my parents suggested we search and I refused. The outcome wouldn't change, and knowing if it was hereditary or not would no longer make a difference.
|
|
|
|
|
HighHeat
Big Daddy
|
|
|
Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 16:01 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
|
Is this considered "On Topic"?
|
|
|
|
|
Laurie Ellen
Queenie
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 16:06 Post subject:
| HighHeat wrote: |
Is this considered "On Topic"? |
There's gotta be a way we can tie it in...
|
|
|
|
|
HighHeat
Big Daddy
|
|
|
Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 11/19/04 - 16:52 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
There's gotta be a way we can tie it in... |
Farther and farther off subject...
|
|
|
|
