|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 07/30/03 - 10:59 Post subject: my brothers SUCK!
I am so mad I could hit someone (any volunteers?). You may remember that my parents are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in August, and I had sent an email to my three brothers about going in on a gift. No one could agree on what was appropriate and they pled poverty. One bro doesn't have much, but the second makes half a mill a year, the third inherited millions from his FIL. 
Anyhoo, my youngest brother's wife tried again today. Since my oldest SIL just had a kid this week, she doesn't want to travel in three weeks - whatever. The middle brother is "too busy". I said this is way harder than it has to be. That I'll make it easy on everyone: The Paramedic and I will do our own thing on their anniversary, like we were planning on doing from the get go, and the rest of them do whatever whenever. Between now and Thanksgiving I have two weekends open - 8/30, and 11/1 which is the weekend we'll be celebrating all the family birthdays (plus, isn't that a little late anyway?). Between races, vacation, and eye surgery recovery I'm booked through the end of October, and I'm not going anywhere in November, not even for work, because of the marathon.
I also said that after years of The Paramedic and I rearranging our schedules to accommodate those of my brothers, we will no longer do it. Not even for Mom & Dad. We're tired of always being the ones to plan stuff, to travel many miles for stuff, to not have everybody else go despite them living 5-15 minutes away, and then having to listen to them b!tch about what a hassle it is for them. I missed a great race in June for the family reunion that was poorly attended by our side, and I'm still bitter about that, so I'm not missing another just because they don't want to travel with their kids or because it doesn't fit conveniently into their schedules.
Those self-centered, egotistical b@stards. This is for my parents, and it's their 40th wedding anniversary. How many people do YOU know that are lucky enough to have both parents alive, and are even luckier to have them still married to each other? I'm fed up with these punkass brothers of mine.
[scroll:3f1a292d8f] [/scroll:3f1a292d8f]
|
|
|
|
|
genie
Master of Prissface
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:03 Post subject:
Screw them, Lauri--you tried. You and The P just have a nice quiet quality time celebration with your parents and let the rest of them look like a bunch of ungrateful a-holes. Trust me, whether your parents acknowledge it or not, they'll see who cared enough to make the time to do something for them and who didn't.
I hate when families have to act like this.
|
|
|
|
|
rolling rock
The Pinball
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:11 Post subject:
what genie said Elkid.
did you ever decide on a gift?? is it too much for them to send you a check? like, a weekend at Nemacolin would be nifty but they have to cough it up--i mean it would take 40 seconds to write the check and mail it to you. whatever they can contribute; sounds like two of them are comfortable to say the least.
a weekend getaway anywhere would be nice....40 years rocks. brothers (i've got three)
|
|
|
|
|
jrjo
Gone Fishin
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:35 Post subject:
Yep, planning with family is like cat herding. My wife and I have gotten ourselves neck deep in the same kinds of things over the years. And frustration through the roof, you bet. On both sides of our families, we are alot like you it sounds like, wanting to have family together for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Reality is we've found out there are umpteen issues we just didn't and don't know that make other sibs not on the same page. Bottomline we've come to the last few years and has worked well is to just pick a time and place ourselves, let the sibs know and let what happens, happen. Just like Genie says, it becomes apparent quickly who makes the time and who doesn't.
If only we could run their lives, right? I feel for ya. But in the end, as long as you get the day with Mom & Dad, that's what counts.
|
|
|
|
|
akern
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:37 Post subject:
My parents always told us that their anniversary should be celebrated by them only.  They are 1 year away from 30. 
And as for brothers..... I'm thinking about strangling mine. 
|
|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:44 Post subject:
| rolling rock wrote: | did you ever decide on a gift?? is it too much for them to send you a check? like, a weekend at Nemacolin would be nifty but they have to cough it up--i mean it would take 40 seconds to write the check and mail it to you. whatever they can contribute; sounds like two of them are comfortable to say the least.
a weekend getaway anywhere would be nice....40 years rocks. brothers (i've got three) |
That was the first idea. My parents went on a cruise last fall and loved it, so I proposed that everyone give what they could, we'd roll the money together, and get them a certificate towards a cruise. But since the one is really poor, and the other two are really cheap, that never got off the ground. Apparently I'm the rich one in the family . So The Paramedic and I will give them money towards a cruise, which is what my mother said they wanted after I fished for ideas anyway.
Where's this Nemacolin - is it by Nemaspleen or Nemabladder?
|
|
|
|
|
cherylpf
crazy cat lady
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 17305
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 11:56 Post subject:
Aaahh, lovely. We truly are twins. So this is what I can expect next year. We're already in talks for what to do for my parents 40th (next summer) and I love my sisters but yeah, its going to be tedious to say the least to get something together.
um, any ideas for a gift would be welcome as well. Sister #2 and I would like to send them on a cruise but uh....$$$$.....and sister #1 can't contribute much....we'll see.
Good luck kid, I think RR and genie nailed it on the head!
|
|
|
|
|
thegman
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 15:59 Post subject:
| cherylpf wrote: |
Good luck kid, I think RR and genie nailed it on the head! |
Boy, this sounds familiar.
I watched my wife go through this last year with her brother and sister when her parents had their 35th. The Mrs. tried to get them to pony up for something really nice, without luck. I lost a lot of respect for my BIL after the whole episode. (I didn't have much respect for my SIL to begin with-she's an idiot.)
We got them a nice gift, had a reat dinner out with them. The siblings completely blew it off.
Makes me glad that I'm an only child.
|
|
|
|
|
Morpheus99
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 21 May 2002
Posts: 647
Location: Midwest
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 16:05 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | Screw them, Lauri--you tried. You and The P just have a nice quiet quality time celebration with your parents and let the rest of them look like a bunch of ungrateful a-holes. Trust me, whether your parents acknowledge it or not, they'll see who cared enough to make the time to do something for them and who didn't.
I hate when families have to act like this. |
Ditto Lauri I had the same problem the siblings a few years back in sending my mom & step-dad on a nice vacation.
Got the whole we are poor cause we have kids and a morgage, and taxes bull*hit. So I bought sent them to Vegas on my own. 
I irony was they had too good of a time and called me two days later asking me to wire them some extra $$$$$, but it was worth it cause the siblings so hate the vegas story.'
S99
|
|
|
|
|
pokychick
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 5640
Location: City of Dis
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 16:16 Post subject:
[my different perspective rant]
I live 30 minutes from my parents. My sister lives a 12 hour car drive
away and my brother lives a 3 hour car drive away.
I celebrate all the holidays with my parents, invite them over for
cookouts and dinners, go shopping and to the movies with my mom, Titans games with my dad, help them with certain things around their house, and spent every night after work for two weeks at the hospital when my mom was sick. I do these things because I love and respect my parents. My brother who is only 3 hours away visits maybe once a month.
My sister comes once or twice a year.
They get annoyed when I don't want clear out the savings account to celebrate a specific milestone.[/end rant]
|
|
|
|
|
thegman
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:49 Post subject:
| pokychick wrote: | [my different perspective rant]
I live 30 minutes from my parents. My sister lives a 12 hour car drive
away and my brother lives a 3 hour car drive away.
I celebrate all the holidays with my parents, invite them over for
cookouts and dinners, go shopping and to the movies with my mom, Titans games with my dad, help them with certain things around their house, and spent every night after work for two weeks at the hospital when my mom was sick. I do these things because I love and respect my parents. My brother who is only 3 hours away visits maybe once a month.
My sister comes once or twice a year.
They get annoyed when I don't want clear out the savings account to celebrate a specific milestone.[/end rant] |
Interesting. I'm now COMPLETELY baffled.
My wife and I live 5 minutes from her parents, and the other sibs each live about 3 hours away. We see the parents a few times a week, and the sibs come down once every few months. Not that we're clearing out a savings account or anything, but...
|
|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:23 Post subject:
Poky, very interesting. Exact opposite here. I live 2 hours away, but two of my brothers live in the same freakin' town as my parents, the other's only 15 minutes away. I see my parents more than them, and they're the ones with the kids!
These are the same brothers who were PISSED when I gave my dad a pile o' cash for his retirement gift (he taught 38 years in the same school district). I asked one why, and he said "Because it makes us look cheap." I said, "Well, you are." End of discussion. Why do you care what I'm giving if you won't contribute to it?
|
|
|
|
|
airehead
Oompa Loofah
|
|
|
Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:44 Post subject:
My theory is love your parents intensely. Do what you can. Too quickly they slip the bonds of earth.
Your brothers are fools. And I know it's not about "what" you give, but that you want to that means so much to your parents and makes your siblings sooo jealous. Forget them, focus your energy instead on your relationship with your parents. When they are gone, each person must deal with their conscience about what he/she did or did not do while they were alive. It sounds like you should have no regrets at all.
My sister is not allowed to use the phone very often because of long distance costs-- . Mr Aire and I would spend our last dimes talking to our parents. Once they're gone--there's not a long distance plan in the world that will cover those calls.
Kudos to you El. Love them. Love them fiercely.
|
|
|
|
|
Laurie Ellen
Queenie
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:46 Post subject:
Family = people, who just happen to be related to you. If they're rotten people... screw 'em.
|
|
|
|
|
kristin31
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/30/03 - 22:25 Post subject:
You can pick your friends; you can't pick your family. I don't have any advice to add to this but I hope that your parents and you and the paramedic have a nice celebration. It's cool to hear about people happily married for that long.
|
|
|
|
  |
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
|
|
