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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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 Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:37 Post subject: married peeps and yo money
The longer I'm not married the more I realize I don't know about what you married peeps do. And that maybe there is good reason I'm not married!
The backstory (this time) We get two winter bonuses. They have always come in check form (as opposed to direct deposit like our paychecks). We got one of the bonuses today. Yesterday however we got a memo from our accounting department apologizing that the bonus had accidentally been direct deposited, but that they reversed it and we would receive our checks today. I'm like "leave it in there! Save me a trip to the bank!" and so, I asked, why do they do it this way? And I was told basically "because many people don't tell their spouses about the bonuses..."  I say 'shady'. Then, they were telling me about several of our coworkers who have tens of thousands in credit card debt that their spouses don't know about because the statements are mailed here, etc.  I think I'd be ticked if my spouse was getting income I didn't realize and/or spending money I didn't realize. Well, I guess too that is if we had joint accounts and joint expenses...maybe its not as cut and dry as I realize, but it seems like an awful lot of work to hide that kind of thing. So I don't know, but I thought that was really odd. My question...do you hide a stash of spending/expenses from your spouse?
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pokychick
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Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 5640
Location: City of Dis
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:39 Post subject:
all my shoes are shipped to work....
no we do not hide money/debt from each other....
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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:42 Post subject:
No. At least I don't. I don't think my wife does, but then if she's hiding it, I wouldn't know.
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elkid
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:42 Post subject:
We have all our stuff in combined accounts, and all major purchases are discussed and agreed upon. I strongly urged my husband to set up a rainy day fund just for him, that he would fund with extra moneys, as I would be doing the same.
I am a firm believer that you should be prepared for all situations. I have seen a few times this year what can happen to a woman during divorce who was not financially prepared. Any woman who does not have her own money is a fool. You just never know.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:43 Post subject:
Nothing is hidden for me. That's just the type of relationship my wife and I have. Everybody is different and as far as I know, money is the number one argument topic in marriages today.
Being the 'payroll guy' and 'expense check' guy and 'pension guy' in one capacity or another in all the jobs I've had, I know all about how many couples keep each other in the dark on a lot of this stuff. How it works for them I can't say, but it must. Just not the way "I do" it.
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elkid
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:53 Post subject:
| jrjo wrote: | | as far as I know, money is the number one argument topic in marriages today. |
You are 100% correct. Another great reason to have a rainy day fund. You want something ridiculously expensive? Use that money you've squirreled away instead of using the family kitty.
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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:53 Post subject:
for probably the 4th time today, don't mind me, I'm just naive and single (and probably for good reason ... )
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HighHeat
Big Daddy
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Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:55 Post subject:
| Pug wrote: | | No. At least I don't. I don't think my wife does, but then if she's hiding it, I wouldn't know. |
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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 12:58 Post subject:
| elkid wrote: |
You are 100% correct. Another great reason to have a rainy day fund. You want something ridiculously expensive? Use that money you've squirreled away instead of using the family kitty. |
People sell their cats so they can buy stuff?  That's a new one.
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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 13:05 Post subject:
I've never had the luxury of keeping $$ away from my wife. Despite my complaints, she is an EXCELLENT budgeter and I could not even get to her level of expertise.
That said, I have heard stories of guys in the Nat Guard and Reserves telling the wives they did this for nothing. Major panics when they went to mandatory direct deposit.
No way I'd be able to keep major credit card debt hidden from the wife. Its not a healthy way to live you know...
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 13:08 Post subject:
When we get each other gifts, we enter the check number and amount in the checkbook, but not who(m?) we made the check out to until after the gift is given. Other than that, nothing is hidden.
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Dancer
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Joined: 21 Nov 2002
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 13:18 Post subject:
I have my money and I have my husbands money. 
Nothing hidden in our house. Not alot of extra cash to hide. And I'm excited when I get a bonus and he's the first to find out. I do all the banking only because I'm slightly better with numbers than him.
Now the FOTS I work with is another story. He has a certain amount direct deposited into his joint account and the remainder of his check direct deposited into another account. I know for a fact he dosen't tell his wife about his special account.
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akern
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 13:45 Post subject:
Neither one of us acutually "has" any money so there's really nothing to hide. 
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16242
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 13:51 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | Neither one of us acutually "has" any money so there's really nothing to hide. |
You're just a transfer station for cash flow like the rest of us....
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Sahara
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Posted: 11/19/04 - 14:09 Post subject:
I did not hide any money nor debt. I fear that I am one of the ones that elkid mentioned from whom debt (or lack of paying the debt) was kept by my spouse. Huge deal.
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