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ShannonG
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 Posted: 02/12/04 - 13:54 Post subject: if one partner is into fitness and the other is not...
How do you rate their marriage survival chances? After Tof lost weight and got fit there was a period of about a year when I continued on in my sedentary ways. Had I not chosen to jump on the health bandwagon I wonder if it would have caused tension between us? Thoughts? It's a lifestyle after all, and if two people are living different lifestyles it may be hard for them to live together.
That said, Tof and I don't do anything fitness-wise together. We snowshoe and play tennis and stuff but he goes to the gym with his brother or alone and plays team sports. I am not a team player 
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 14:02 Post subject:
Of course, marital bliss is going to hinge on individual needs/conditions. But I'd say, in general, in a healthy marriage there needs to be some time for individual pursuits. For me, running/training, is an individual endeavor taking an hour average of my day. And on the flipside, my wife has hobbies she does on her own. We're absolutely compatible people, but because we spend some time apart by no means spells disaster.
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TriBob
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 14:08 Post subject:
I don't think it matters unless it becomes and obsession. Then it is not about fitness it is about caring more about a hobby then the spouse. I had a friend who got divorced because her husband went sailing everyweekend, even on her birthday. 
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monk25
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 14:10 Post subject:
What tribob AND jrjo said.
BTW my wife has no interest in physical activity unless I get her liquored up 
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robp
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 14:14 Post subject:
It was a stumbling block in my marriage. The X considered 1.25 hrs a day during the week to be obsessive and 5 or 6 races a year to be a waste of time and money. She had no interest in any type of fitness routine at all.
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Soigneur
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 14:53 Post subject:
I think I'd find it difficult if my partner wasn't comfortable with my sport, rather than whether they participated themselves or not. Of course the upside of having only one person competing is that there is someone else to be there in support, drive the car, carry the bags etc  .
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:00 Post subject:
| Soigneur wrote: | | I think I'd find it difficult if my partner wasn't comfortable with my sport, rather than whether they participated themselves or not. Of course the upside of having only one person competing is that there is someone else to be there in support, drive the car, carry the bags etc . |
I agree. I wouldn't say no to dating a runner (although I think I'll pass on triathletes, no offense, guys, but a couple of my friends who are married to triathletes are miserable because of the amount of time spent training and racing, especially when there are child care duties to share...or not, as the case may be) but as long as said partner was supportive and encouraging I'd be fine, and I would likewise encourage whatever hobbies they wanted to pursue (outside of drug running and blowing up stuff). I also FIRMLY agree that the healthiest relationships, at least for me, are when each of us can retain some of our own identity and interests and be ME and YOU, the individuals in addition to MEANDYOU, the unit.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:07 Post subject:
I had to leave my sedentary wife
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:24 Post subject:
well, my wife is healthy.
she walks, and does Pilates (when not preggo) and sometimes she even runs.
She supports my running, but...does get resentful when I have a race or something when there is a family thing on "her" side. Like her nephew's birthday or something.
Otherwise, she's been pretty cool with the whole thing. She wants me to run marathons, too. Just not for the next year or two. Too many little kids. She supports me running half marathons, though. The training doesn't take as long, and there are alot of those that are within a decent distance from us.
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andydp
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:26 Post subject:
Ever since I started exercising regularly, my wife has complained about it. I even have access to a FREE gym courtesy of the National Guard yet she complained about the extra gas it was costing.
I finally stopped discussing it with her. After about the third of fourth time I completely ignored the comments, she gave it up.
For the record, my wife does not do any exercise I know of.
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:26 Post subject:
| Soigneur wrote: | | I think I'd find it difficult if my partner wasn't comfortable with my sport, rather than whether they participated themselves or not. Of course the upside of having only one person competing is that there is someone else to be there in support, drive the car, carry the bags etc . |
You're assuming the other person would actually get off their dead a$$ and show some support...
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 15:49 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Ever since I started exercising regularly, my wife has complained about it...For the record, my wife does not do any exercise I know of. |
Not to pinpoint Andy specifically... but in the cases of an absolute non-exerciser or even non-healthy-lifestyle, what do think is the root of the complaining? Is it 'guilt' over their own inability to motivate? Or is it a distrust of the time away?
I just told a riff-raffer earlier, I'm a "fix-it" kind of guy. Granted, not everyone is a therapy candidate, but when a healthy pursuit (not obsession) becomes a big dispute, I'm curious what you all attribute it to. Bueller?
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ShannonG
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Posted: 02/12/04 - 16:02 Post subject:
| jrjo wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ever since I started exercising regularly, my wife has complained about it...For the record, my wife does not do any exercise I know of. |
Not to pinpoint Andy specifically... but in the cases of an absolute non-exerciser or even non-healthy-lifestyle, what do think is the root of the complaining? Is it 'guilt' over their own inability to motivate? Or is it a distrust of the time away?
I just told a riff-raffer earlier, I'm a "fix-it" kind of guy. Granted, not everyone is a therapy candidate, but when a healthy pursuit (not obsession) becomes a big dispute, I'm curious what you all attribute it to. Bueller? |
I think it's a combination of the two things jrjo mentioned. Insecurity, both over the sedentary spouse's own body image and the time spent away by the exerciser. Chances are someone new to exercise is going to change in shape and size at least somewhat, further alienating the sedentary person. In this day and age when we KNOW exercise is good for us, maybe the sedentary spouse makes a point of not taking part as part of a power struggle? I don't know. A sedentary partner with a newly buff spouse may feel threatened by him/her hanging around with other athletic types.
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kristin31
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Posted: 02/13/04 - 00:41 Post subject:
I think it's not so muxh sedentary vs. non-sedentary, but just having your own outside interests. My SO CAN'T do a lot of stuff that I can due to some really severely arthritic hips, but he still golfs/fishes and is at least making a stab at water aerobics we can do together. When he goes fishing, I rollerblade or walk the dog or bike.
Long story short, I don't know if it's so much about exercise as opposed to having your own separate hobbies and time away.
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shelee
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Posted: 02/13/04 - 01:09 Post subject:
You know, people will grow and change in the years they are married, so if your spouse is upset and not letting you pursue who you want to be then there's something more that's going on...warning bells should be going off. I would hope your s/o would be supportive and encouraging of who you want to be.
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