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blue
your favorite weapon
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Joined: 21 May 2002
Posts: 7010
Location: armed and ambitious
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 Posted: 04/11/04 - 02:37 Post subject: abusive alcoholic dad- 16 y/o kid, finally speaking out...
a friend of mine, finally opened up.
i'd know sh*t has been tough for her, and she's always said she's had lots of bottled up rage, and goes back and forth with depression.
two days ago she told me stories about her alcoholic father that beat up the family - made sure her brothers teased her and made her cry - and parents that have been making her buy her own clothes since she was 13, while the older brothers got it all...
i hear bits of this just terrible place for her to be in... and i'm not to entirely sure what to do - she's wearing thin right now, and she's a little young for positive thinking (knowing that eventually she will be in control of her life)... she doesn't want to smile and shake it off.
the scary thing is - and i know she doesn't like talking about these things -but she said she'd never told anybody. she mentioned a story about when she was 7.. she is 16 now, i've known her for just over a year - and i'm the first person she's told... almost 10 years of bottling it up.
i feel better knowing that she's at least starting to talk now - but i'm completely lost on the rest of it. it's almost scarier now that she is talking about it...
she's a strong kid - and all that i've ever told her is that i know she's gonna do something great - as scared as she is to live on and turn out like her parents, and hurt someone like she's been hurt. she's gotta lot of faith in me as a person (incredibly aware for a 16y/o) - but her faith in me, someone doesn't balance out when i put my vote in for her.
does anybody have any advice? i'm doing my best just to listen - i'm doing my best not to upset her more - or badger her - or be too hopeful (or negative).... i know at some point soon i need to find out if it's still happening (it seems like it might be) but i'm not sure if there's anything i should do - or if i'm even supposed to.
need a little help over here. she's not the happy kid she was when i first met her - she doesn't want to fake it anymore...
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 04/11/04 - 10:07 Post subject:
Keep talking and listening to her. In the meantime check with a very trusted adult (not necessarily a parent) about getting this kid some help. If the family is that abusive she could seek some sort of protection. this is all conjecture on my part. Start by asking a trusted adult like a guidance counselor in confidence how to get something going.
This young lady sounds like she has quite a bit on the ball. Your biggest job right now is to become a better friend.
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bpdou
Member
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Joined: 09 Apr 2004
Posts: 1713
Location: Louisville
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Posted: 04/11/04 - 12:14 Post subject:
IMHO I think it's great that you've earned her trust. That she's opened up to you. But this is WAYYYYY too heavy for you to bear. Not that I'm saying abandon her, certainly continue to offer support, but this really needs some professional help. I agree with Andy. Find a pro. And ask in confidence what you should do with this. In fact, I'd start there, before I'd even mention it to her. Rescuing her is NOT your job. Being a good friend and being there for her is. They are two very different things.
Best of luck, hope it goes well for you. Sounds like you care a lot about her, and that you believe she's worth it. Two very strong plusses in a very troubled situation.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 04/11/04 - 13:19 Post subject:
There are groups like alcoholics anonymous, but for family members of alcoholics. There she will not only encounter a supportive and understanding group (they've been through it all) they can also supply phone numbers of people who can help her through/past/out of her situation. (Such as shelters, should she ever need one, lawyers, doctors, etc.)
I wish her the best of luck. It is a difficult road ahead of her.
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