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runaroundsue
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Joined: 18 Sep 2002
Posts: 6629
Location: supporting GREENer pastures
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 Posted: 09/14/04 - 11:09 Post subject: ?????? dealing with disappointment
How do you deal with a loved one when they've had a disappointing race?
My husband's ironman did not go well. He had high expectations and it just didn't happen. I been through his training and "know" his fitness--so it's hard for me to say to him like others "it's an honor to finish something like that". And as our local IM people here would know, "better luck next time" does not apply. You've trained nearly a year for this day and bam!!
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 11:59 Post subject:
Can you try to point out what went right with the race? I know when I have a bad race, I get really, really bummed out.
I can't imagine the disappointment of not having a good Ironman. That's a whole lotta training that got 'wasted'.
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 12:15 Post subject:
Boy, I tell you what...
If finishing an ironman in itself isn't enough accomplishment, I dont know what I would say.
I've ran 4 marathons, and finished 3, and I was so wiped out afterwards I could not freaking imagine doing an ironman.
Anyone who attempts and finishes one of these is a hero. Point blank. If he don't want to hear that....I don't know what else to tell him.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 12:18 Post subject:
I agree with PH, point out what went right, analyze what went wrong, and kick butt next year
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Dancer
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 12:19 Post subject:
I don't think you could do or say anything. I know if I ended up having a bad IM there would be nothing my hubby could say to make me feel better. (A big hug and kiss at the end with a shoulder to cry on would work a little.) It would also depend on what went wrong.
The only thing you can do for him is to let him deal with the disappointment and try to encourage him to pick something in the near future to train for. Then when it comes time to train kick him in the butt and get him to start training.
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kobyj
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 12:19 Post subject:
I don't know what to say.
One of the guys I run with went to compete in the 100-mile nationals over the weekend. He didn't hit the 100 mark last year. His training was better and he should have hit it this year. He dropped out around 50 or 60 miles because he broke down mentally. I don't know what to say to him either.
The only thing I can think of is to remind them that on any day, we can have a good day or a bad day. It happens. It's just part of our sport. Next time it will go better.
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marathonrnr262
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Posted: 09/14/04 - 12:46 Post subject:
| Dancer wrote: | I don't think you could do or say anything. I know if I ended up having a bad IM there would be nothing my hubby could say to make me feel better. (A big hug and kiss at the end with a shoulder to cry on would work a little.) It would also depend on what went wrong.
The only thing you can do for him is to let him deal with the disappointment and try to encourage him to pick something in the near future to train for. Then when it comes time to train kick him in the butt and get him to start training. |
I agree...
Last year at IMFL I was having the time of my life. It was my day. I got off the bike with energy and I was a happy camper. I ran the first 6 miles talking with other athletes and even got interviewed by the TV crew.
Then...BAM
My knee gave out. I knew I had 20 miles left and I cried 19 of them. I watched the time tick off on my watch and with every click I grew more and more depressed.
I crossed the line and they put that medal around my neck, it was the WORST moment in my life. I took it off and threw it on the ground and then hung it around Lucy's neck. She earned it more than I.
What can you say, NOTHING. The pain is internal and he will have to work it out himself. My bike hung upside down, dirty, in the closet for 2 months. I feel his pain.
Let him work through it. The pain will reside in time and then when he is ready he can decide whether training for another is in his heart.
To hell with finishing... It means nothing when you spend that much time training for a goal time.
Sheldon
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Phar lap
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Location: A flawed Utopia
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Posted: 09/15/04 - 02:28 Post subject:
Sue, this is where one should always have another race on the horizion, I dare say like the Marathon, the Iron man sometimes has a mind of its own and thats with all the best training in the world.
Nothing lost, its not the last IM. that will ever be held. Think of the huge base he will be coming off when he starts into full training again.
Start planning for the next one and the one after that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thought from Guru Phar lap :
If you fall off the donkey seven times, you must climb back on eight times.
But if you fall off the donkey ten times, most possibily you are not cut out for riding donkeys.
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elkid
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Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 09/15/04 - 08:57 Post subject:
So fascinating to see the polar opposites in opinion here. As in, the finishing is enough v. meeting a time goal is the only way to define success. We are such a diversified group.
Nothing you can say. Offer support when it's needed, ignore him when that's needed. Homebaked cookies help, too.
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Noley
AZhat
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Posted: 09/16/04 - 01:41 Post subject:
Sometimes just plain silence offers support. Your being there before, during and after says enough. I'm sure this is one of those times where one needs some time to reflect on their own.
Wow. That's got to be difficult.
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