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Sandy Cheeks
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 Posted: 07/30/03 - 16:34 Post subject: Why did you get married?
Why did you get married? Obviously hopefully it was because you were in love, but what other factors made you decide on marriage as opposed to living together, or other non-traditional arrangement?
I'm just curious.
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jrjo
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 16:56 Post subject:
It probably comes down to the values you and your SO share. For me and my wife, it was a classical Christian upbringing. Laying witness before God and all the important people in our lives with a wedding ceremony creates a statement to the world that our union, our devotion, our futures are one. Sure, not everyone is cut out for it, but believe you me, when your heart of hearts unquestionably wants to share your whole life with someone, that's marriage.
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genie
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:06 Post subject:
| jrjo wrote: | | Sure, not everyone is cut out for it, but believe you me, when your heart of hearts unquestionably wants to share your whole life with someone, that's marriage. |
But what if that part is true but you don't actually want to walk down the aisle? If by that definition, that's marriage, which I happen to agree with, then why would it necessarily follow that you'd have to take some sort of vow for it as opposed to just voicing that commitment to each other and sharing living space?
I mean "you" in general....people...not you specifically. I've actually been thinking about this myself....and of course the bringing up of the gay marriage thread over at CR stirred up a lot of talk about it too.
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TriBob
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:09 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | | jrjo wrote: | | Sure, not everyone is cut out for it, but believe you me, when your heart of hearts unquestionably wants to share your whole life with someone, that's marriage. |
But what if that part is true but you don't actually want to walk down the aisle? If by that definition, that's marriage,... |
I thought that was 'Roommate' 
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genie
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:18 Post subject:
| TriBob wrote: | | genie wrote: | | jrjo wrote: | | Sure, not everyone is cut out for it, but believe you me, when your heart of hearts unquestionably wants to share your whole life with someone, that's marriage. |
But what if that part is true but you don't actually want to walk down the aisle? If by that definition, that's marriage,... |
I thought that was 'Roommate' |
I prefer Alannis Morrisette's term: Best Friends With Benefits! 
No, really...I have several good friends who got royally screwed in their first marriages and are really not keen on doing it again, but that doesn't mean they haven't found or won't find someone they want to spend their lives with. I'm just playing Devil's advocate to see how people view that circumstance.
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jrjo
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:28 Post subject:
I think it is the "statement to the world" mindset. If there is a commitment to someone "foresaking all others" and pledging your lifetime to being with them, that's where I see the value in a marriage ceremony of making public vows. If a mutual agreement made privately to share living space suits someone, that's a personal choice. And for some relationships the way to go. For me personally, I wanted to shout from the rooftops, let everyone I know, have the churchbells ring and make an obnoxious car honking drive, telling the world about it.
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Cappy
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:31 Post subject:
She laughed at my jokes.
Seriously, jrjo said about as well as I could.
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Sahara
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:42 Post subject: Re: Why did you get married?
| Sandy Cheeks wrote: | | Why did you get married? |
Yes, love. Also, in retrospect, it was a desire to be married too. I wanted to build my life with him. If I'm honest, I will also list naiveté as a reason despite the fact that I was in my mid-twenties.
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omega lambda
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:55 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | | jrjo wrote: | | Sure, not everyone is cut out for it, but believe you me, when your heart of hearts unquestionably wants to share your whole life with someone, that's marriage. |
But what if that part is true but you don't actually want to walk down the aisle? If by that definition, that's marriage, which I happen to agree with, then why would it necessarily follow that you'd have to take some sort of vow for it as opposed to just voicing that commitment to each other and sharing living space?
I mean "you" in general....people...not you specifically. I've actually been thinking about this myself....and of course the bringing up of the gay marriage thread over at CR stirred up a lot of talk about it too. |
Because when you've found your heart of hearts and unquestionably want to share your WHOLE life with them, then walking down the aisle is the ultimate commitment. I've been on both sides of this fence, and there is a difference. Living together does not have the same commitment level, or that feeling of totally giving yourself to your partner that marriage has.
I don't mean that I've submitted myself to anyone. But I've made a commitment to share my life unconditionally and unquestionably with my spouse. When you live together, there's a feeling of holding back, there are doubts, and there's a sense of impermanancy. There's always that chance that when you walk in the door at the end of the day, all his stuff is gone. Or your stuff is on the porch.
Last edited by omega lambda on 07/30/03 - 18:01; edited 1 time in total
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genie
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 17:59 Post subject:
| omega lambda wrote: | | When you live together, there's a feeling of holding back, there are doubts, and there's a sense of impermancy. There's always that chance that when you walk in the door at the end of the day, all his stuff is gone. Or your stuff is on the porch. |
That's often the argument brought up by people who have been happily married for a long time, and it's a good one, but with the divorce rate as high as it is today, apparently a lot of people don't have any more trouble packing up and moving on when they're married as they do when they're not. You've seen the arguments, I am sure, over at CR when this topic comes up--there are two distinct camps, one that says stay no matter what and one that says run while you can if it can't be saved.
If you take religion out of it, which I know is tough for some people, is a public ceremony in a judge's chambers, or in your living room officiated by the mayor of the town, any less valid of a commitment?
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omega lambda
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 18:05 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | | omega lambda wrote: | | When you live together, there's a feeling of holding back, there are doubts, and there's a sense of impermancy. There's always that chance that when you walk in the door at the end of the day, all his stuff is gone. Or your stuff is on the porch. |
That's often the argument brought up by people who have been happily married for a long time, and it's a good one, but with the divorce rate as high as it is today, apparently a lot of people don't have any more trouble packing up and moving on when they're married as they do when they're not. You've seen the arguments, I am sure, over at CR when this topic comes up--there are two distinct camps, one that says stay no matter what and one that says run while you can if it can't be saved.
If you take religion out of it, which I know is tough for some people, is a public ceremony in a judge's chambers, or in your living room officiated by the mayor of the town, any less valid of a commitment? |
Like I said, I've been on both sides. I've had a marriage that ended. Mr. Lambda and I lived together for 2 years and we've been married for..um...hold on while I do the math...it'll be 9 years in December. I haven't been married to him for a long time, and I still think marriage is better than living together. You don't need religion to make a commitment. Marriage is marriage, whether the vows were spoken before a judge, a sea captain or clergy. The effect on the couple is the same.
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Cappy
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 18:08 Post subject:
The legal aspects of marriage are still better than living together though, and its an advantage financially too.
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kattzoo
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 18:38 Post subject:
For me, the religious aspect of it definitely played a huge part, but to answer your question Genie....I don't think that people who get married by a JP are any necessarily any less committed than those who get married in a church.
You brought up a good point about the divorce rate, but as Cappy said, there are certain legal aspects that make that "piece of paper" mean more. Insurance, retirement, taxes etc... Some of those benefits carry on after a divorce also.
In the end, people do what they are comfortable with and what they believe is right, regardless of their belief in God.
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Sandy Cheeks
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 19:05 Post subject: Re: Why did you get married?
| Sahara wrote: | | Sandy Cheeks wrote: | | Why did you get married? |
Yes, love. Also, in retrospect, it was a desire to be married too. I wanted to build my life with him. |
What do you think drove that desire to be married? Because it was the traditional thing to do? Because you wanted to show your commitment?
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Laurie Ellen
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 19:11 Post subject:
I was young, and I needed the money.
J/K. We were VERY traditional, so a wedding was definitely the answer to being together, we loved each other, grew up together, and knew the benefits of being together always, each other's forever & for keeps were (are are) very attractive.
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