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elkid
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
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 Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:05 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | | If you take religion out of it, which I know is tough for some people, is a public ceremony in a judge's chambers, or in your living room officiated by the mayor of the town, any less valid of a commitment? |
Religious or not, a ceremoy is a ceremony. Doesn't matter where, or by whom, or who is or isn't there. It's the ultimate commitment. When The Paramedic and I got married, we didn't have a choice of living together or not: he was on his way to becoming a minister so that was a bad, terrible thing. Plus, I knew then, as I believe now, that had I not married him, no one else would have. EVAH. I loved him to death, but that goes without saying. Love does not keep a relationship together, as everyone here knows. Plus, to be honest, the booty was GOOOOOOD. 
You know I'm not religious at all, but I will say this: had we not gotten married 8.5 years ago, I know no way, no how, no chance would we be together today. I was a sh!t then and still am, so he either would've gotten fed up with all my crap and left me, or I would've walked away from the greatest thing that ever happened to me out of hubris, stubbornness, and stupidity. The hassle of divorce, dividing up the property, and ownership of the dog made me stick it out. The stigma of divorce would've killed me too, because no one in my immediate family or his has been divorced.
So I'll go with a sense of permanence, responsibility, and commitment that you cannot obtain by living together.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:30 Post subject:
He knows all my secrets. So it was either marry him or kill him. ha!
Just kidding! We knew by the end of the first week we wanted to get married. We would have liked living together, but since that was verboten in both families, we just got married. REALLY young. We also would have liked to elope, but, again, family was against that.
Familial pressures encouraged us to marry a lot sooner than we would have otherwise. (his mom was kinda pushing us apart, and being a hot-blooded latina, nobody tells me who I can or can not love-so, I pushed up the date by six months!!!)
I don't regret being married for one minute. I am glad we've had all this time together. (13.5 years)
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 20:34 Post subject:
we were sooo young and sooo sickeningly in love, there would have been no other way to "prove" that committment to one another. Along with jrjo, i think we probably wanted to do that "shouting from the rooftops" type stuff -- there's just no way we weren't going to be in this forever and we wanted to almost prove it i guess.
We lived together part time during that engagement and i still could not wait till we had that wedding ceremony. i looked at that guy and i saw us 60 years down the road, on the porch, beers in hand, rockin' away and watching the sunset.... i mean, i guess we could have lived together and still had those beers..it just didn't feel that way at the time.
It's so weird -- "What if" wasn't even in our vocabulary then. We were dangerously idealistic but maybe that's what got us thru.
interesting thread ms. cheeky.
i think i'm most likely the veteran here 
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runaroundsue
Member
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Joined: 18 Sep 2002
Posts: 6629
Location: supporting GREENer pastures
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 21:41 Post subject: Re: Why did you get married?
| Sahara wrote: | | Sandy Cheeks wrote: | | Why did you get married? |
Yes, love. Also, in retrospect, it was a desire to be married too. I wanted to build my life with him. If I'm honest, I will also list naiveté as a reason despite the fact that I was in my mid-twenties. |
yep....to all
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 21:42 Post subject:
I got the Mrs. knocked up! 
JK!
Well, sort of...We were engaged,and had a wedding date, and all that stuff before we got married. However...it did happen before the ceremony.
Mrs. Coach and I were made for each other. We complement each other, kind of like matching luggage. Where I have weaknesses, she has strengths, where she has weaknesses, I have strengths. Throw into that mix some good looks(mostly hers) a great sense of humor(mostly mine) and a love of Seinfeld...you have two people still committed after 8 years.
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spongebob
Former FFL Champion
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 3602
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 21:50 Post subject:
Mawage!!!
Mawwage is what bwings us togethaah...today.
Mawage, that blessed event.
That dweam wivvin a dweam.
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monk25
Member
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Joined: 25 Jun 2002
Posts: 3922
Location: The Beautiful South Shore of L.I. NY
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 22:15 Post subject:
Me and this Mrs. lived together first, although it is not really what I wanted (I was brought up a good Catholic, you know). While we were dating, her mother passed away, making her an orphan. Her brother moved in with her grandma, and her little sister moved in with an aunt. My wife really had no place to go. I couldn't turn her away because I loved her, but there was the conflict there because it is not what I wanted to do. We kept it a secret from my mom (my siblings all knew). One day my mom more or less gave her blessing, saying that the circumstances were such that living together would not be a sin. I think she probably knew we were already living together but didn't want me to have to hide it from her (my mom really is the best). We had some really hard times because we weren't ready to live together, and we did a lot of growing up together. A few times our relationship almost ended.
We both did a lot of growing, and are relationship got stronger until, well, I got her knocked up! Probably the best thing that ever happened, we were married within three months and have had the greatest marriage ever (4 years this June) and have two beautiful kids (we hope to have more).
My advice to everyone who will listen is DON'T LIVE TOGETHER until you are married. There were times I resented that I was single but had this responsibility that I did not want/wasn't ready for. I tell a lot of kids that ask me that living together is like having the worst of both worlds. Your single but can't do things single people do (I don't care what you say, going out with the boys just wasn't going to happen that much) Your not married but have to give up some of your freedom. I am happy to say that more than one guy has listened to me!
That said, I love being married, and wouldn't change it for the world. Being a husband and father was what I was born to be.
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omega lambda
Member
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 4691
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 22:19 Post subject:
| Runner X wrote: | Mawage!!!
Mawwage is what bwings us togethaah...today.
Mawage, that blessed event.
That dweam wivvin a dweam. |
My favowite! 
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elkid
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
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Posted: 07/30/03 - 22:23 Post subject:
| monk25 wrote: | | Being a husband and father was what I was born to be. |
True dat - I've witnessed it and you are 100% right. Though once the Mrs. reads that stuff about her ....
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thegman
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 07/31/03 - 00:03 Post subject:
I was an arrogant, self-centered, foolhardy, rabble-rousing idiot when I was a young man. Then I met my wife.
My attitude about everything in the world changed after I met her, and I grew up. I knew that no one else in the world ever had that type of influence over me just by being a part of my life, and I'd be damn fortunate to marry her. It'll be 11 years next Friday.
I'm afraid to think of what my life would have been like if I hadn't met her. How many people can you say that about?
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kattzoo
Member
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Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
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Posted: 07/31/03 - 08:41 Post subject:
You riff raff men are amazing. I hope your wives decide to check into your hobby today and read this.
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Sahara
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Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 3345
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Posted: 07/31/03 - 08:59 Post subject: Re: Why did you get married?
| Sandy Cheeks wrote: | | Sahara wrote: | | Sandy Cheeks wrote: | | Why did you get married? |
Yes, love. Also, in retrospect, it was a desire to be married too. I wanted to build my life with him. |
What do you think drove that desire to be married? Because it was the traditional thing to do? Because you wanted to show your commitment? |
Perhaps the desire was driven by convention. It was the next logical step in my mind. Not one to succomb to peer pressure, but many of our friends were doing it. Again, in our minds it was a logical progression reinforced by the behavoir of those around us (friends, family, coworkers).
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Gogirlgo
Member
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Joined: 25 Jul 2002
Posts: 4777
Location: No deal, stalker.
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Posted: 07/31/03 - 10:31 Post subject:
We were married by a judge b/c we hadn't yet worked out the religion issue at that time. No less commitment to each other by taking that approach, though now I feel badly that God wasn't really an invited guest.
We had lived together for a few years before the wedding and everyone was fine with that, but there was never a question that it wouldn't be the last stop, that it was on the pathway to a more permanent thing. I believe there are advantages to being married, but to me, it was more that it felt more legitimate. "This is my boyfriend" sounds a lot more junior high than "This is my husband."
My parents' marriage was atrocious (and mercifully short-lived), so I was a little nervous about the idea of doing it myself. But I'm glad I did, and I'd do it again, with Mr. Go. I love that man.
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Gogirlgo
Member
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Joined: 25 Jul 2002
Posts: 4777
Location: No deal, stalker.
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Posted: 07/31/03 - 16:41 Post subject:
How come it says Sahara was the last poster when I am, with the post just above this one?
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Pebbles
Member
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Joined: 21 May 2002
Posts: 2947
Location: Bedrock
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Posted: 08/01/03 - 14:54 Post subject:
Why did I marry him? cuz he's MINE!  And I wanna keep him for ever, and ever! 
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