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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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 Posted: 04/04/05 - 11:01 Post subject: Whose responsibility to say goodbye?
When you move outta town?
I had a buddy give 2-week notice at his job to take another one 1000+ miles away. There was an event I thought I'd see him at during those two weeks to wish him well, but he wasn't there. Anyway, the moving truck is gone and I never got to bid him off.
Was the ball in my court to find him before he left or when you leave town is it your reponsibility to 'do the rounds' and say some last goodbyes to everyone?
He was a bit of a well known community guy and I'm prolly not the only one a little miffed he seemingly slunk off in the dark of the night. Is it wrong to feel that way?
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spongebob
Former FFL Champion
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 11:14 Post subject:
My neighbor and training partner from when I started running about 4 years ago did the same thing. He was gone one day and didn't tell any of the neighbors or his other friends. I still don't know what to make of that.
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
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Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 11:16 Post subject:
Three words: Witness Protection Program
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Location: under the weather
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 11:21 Post subject:
it sounds like you needed to make the effort here. you knew he gave 2 weeks notice, and you saw the moving truck, and you thought you'd see him at an event. perhaps he had too much to do in preparation for the move and couldn't make it around to say good-bye to everyone. he was the one with the big change happening in his life, I'd think it would be up to his friends to show up and say good-bye.
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j1miller
Puppy Love!
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Joined: 07 Jul 2002
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Location: Lost on trail.
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 11:25 Post subject:
If you are wondering whose job it was, it was probably yours.
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MechEngDropout
Member
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Joined: 27 Jun 2003
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Location: Off the grid
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:07 Post subject:
It's his responsibility. Sure, he's probably busy during his week, but that's all the more reason for him to come to you. You wouldn't want to interrupt while him and his wife are saying goodbye to the bedroom, now would you?
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:33 Post subject:
| j1miller wrote: | | If you are wondering whose job it was, it was probably yours. |
It never hurts to make a move to say goodbye, regardless of whose responsibility it is.
Having moved a lot, I know it is a hellabusy time and that sometimes it just hurts too much to say goodbye and that you'd rather just leave in the dark of night.
And sometimes, it could just be the witness protection program. 
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spongebob
Former FFL Champion
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:40 Post subject:
jrjo said he expected to see him at an event, so he did try.
And in my case, my friend left town before the movers arrived to pack up his house.
The lesson learned should be that once you hear that someone is leaving, you should say your goodbyes immediately because you can never be sure of their schedule and departure timeline.
I think some people have a hard time saying goodbye, others might be too busy or excited and lose track of time, and some just want to move on to the next phase of their life.
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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:45 Post subject:
I think its a 2 way street. Moving is annoying and time consuming enough that it doesn't allow much time for individual goodbyes when you have only a limited time. There does need to be some effort on the moving one's part, but packing etc is such a nightmare it gets ahead of you... I wouldn't take it personally.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Location: under the weather
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:45 Post subject:
| Runner X wrote: | jrjo said he expected to see him at an event, so he did try.
And in my case, my friend left town before the movers arrived to pack up his house.
The lesson learned should be that once you hear that someone is leaving, you should say your goodbyes immediately because you can never be sure of their schedule and departure timeline.
I think some people have a hard time saying goodbye, others might be too busy or excited and lose track of time, and some just want to move on to the next phase of their life. |
your friend disappeared, and you were understandably upset. from jrjo's original post, it sounded like he knew that the guy was moving, and expected to see this guy at a function that the 2 attend mutually. That doesn't sound like a big effort to say goodbye to this guy. I still think that jrjo has no grounds to be miffed.
there could be any number of reasons that the guy left without seeking out jrjo to say goodbye, but why is it the departing person's responsibility to do that in the midst of everything else that occurs during a move?
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
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Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 13:48 Post subject:
But at the same time I can see Jrjo's point. You don't want to risk bothering people who are moving because they are so busy and you don't want to intrude.
Been in both shoes.
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RunsLikeAGirl
Member
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Joined: 01 Apr 2003
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Location: Upstate.
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 14:02 Post subject:
I think assigning responsibility to one party or another for something like this is a little silly. People should just be nice and say goodbye if they feel like it, and don't if they don't. And not get miffed if it doesn't happen, even though they want it to.
I understand the non-moving party's desire to not get in the way, but really, no friend is going to be annoyed with another friend for saying a quick goodbye. I also understand that the moving party is swamped with details pertaining to the move - it's a possibility that they may send out a card or something with new contact info on it, and possibly an apology for not catching up before they left.
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 14:05 Post subject:
Jeez, I didn't go around and have a "goodbye" fest when I moved. If somone asked, I told them when I was moving, and where, but I didn't do a round of good-byes.
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 14:13 Post subject:
moving out of town is hectic and mind-boggling. i'm sure this guy couldn't get around to say good-bye to half the people he'd wanted to...the schedule is just too prohibitive most times.
i most likely would have done the same thing as jrjo, planned to wish him well at the "function" and then would have left it go after that. i wouldn't, however, have expected him to make the rounds, not with what he probably had going on. 
i'm with RLAG -- taking responsibility for the "goodbye" isn't appropriate really. had he been a very good friend, like lifelong friend, i'm betting you'd have been up to your neck in goodbyes and stuff. maybe the casual nature of the friendship just didn't move you to make extraordinary effort to go see him...i know that would have been me at least.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 04/04/05 - 14:17 Post subject:
You could always find out his new addy and mail him a "welcome to your new home" card.
And tell him how much you wanted to say goodbye.
He'll appreciate it!
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