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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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 Posted: 06/17/03 - 11:26 Post subject: When friends divorce
Got one of those out-of-the-blue calls a little while back from a buddy who's wife is filing for divorce. The first in my clutch of pals, so to speak. They have two boys the ages of my little guys, had been married 10 years, and went through some major financial disasters together, and when all looked to be smoothed out, they're hanging it up. Anyway, it seemed like one of those calls, not so much to let us know, but kind of like in addition to assets, friends get divided up too.
I'm sure nearly everyone has been through this, being on the outside looking in, and wanting to 'help' in some way, but knowing the decision was made and all we can do is 'be there', I wondered what other riff-raffers have done to 'help'. It's not like Hallmark makes "Happy Divorce" cards 
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 11:33 Post subject:
Mainly just do what you do well.....be a sympathetic ear if he needs to talk. He's been a good friend to you over the years, obviously, and since we can never know all the nuances of someone else's life, it's not for us to judge or do anything but let them know we support them and want them to be happy. I have found that sometimes just listening is a very good way to show someone you care about them, even if they're not asking for advice per se.
And you're really good at that, ya know! 
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 11:47 Post subject:
I got a similar call about a year ago from my only friend in Atlanta. He said, "You know that billboard on the highway with that lady divorce lawyer on it? What's her phone number?" and he was seriour.
I wasn't surprised at all that they divorced, they were both rather selfish. Too bad for their little boy though. He and I still talk sometimes, but he's never brought up the divorce issue.
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runswithscissors
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8797
Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 11:50 Post subject:
I only have one close friend who got divorced. Good thing, too. She was a bish. I didn't tell him that until after the divorce, but he has been much happier ever since.
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kristin31
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 11:56 Post subject:
Well, especially if it's a "no-fault" situation, friends shouldn't get divided up like the china and silver. Try to be a friend to both parties if you can.
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Gogirlgo
Member
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Joined: 25 Jul 2002
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Location: No deal, stalker.
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 13:32 Post subject:
"It's not like Hallmark makes "Happy Divorce" cards"
...yet.
I don't have any divorced friends, which is pretty statistically remarkable in these times.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 13:46 Post subject:
| Gogirlgo wrote: | | I don't have any divorced friends, which is pretty statistically remarkable in these times. |
That could also be an excellent indicator that you don't have any friends. 
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runswithscissors
Member
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Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 14:23 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | Gogirlgo wrote: | | I don't have any divorced friends, which is pretty statistically remarkable in these times. |
That could also be an excellent indicator that you don't have any friends. |
HA! That was fubby!!! Statistically speaking, of course.
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akern
Member
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Joined: 31 May 2002
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Location: CTU
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 15:07 Post subject:
A good friend of mine called me up out of the blue and says " Well I'm getting divorced."
I was kinda shocked but managed to say " Gee, I'm sorry to hear it."
And she says " Are you kidding!? I'm happy!!"
Me : "Well in that case CONGRATULATIONS!!!"
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 15:47 Post subject:
really. what is the proper response to "I'm getting a divorce" ???
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cherylpf
crazy cat lady
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 15:56 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: | | really. what is the proper response to "I'm getting a divorce" ??? |
thats a tough one. One I'm afraid I'll need to learn how to respond to since I don't see a few of my friends new marriages lasting....  
"How are you holding up?" maybe? 
edited for clarity...
Last edited by cherylpf on 06/17/03 - 16:33; edited 1 time in total
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 16:25 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: | | really. what is the proper response to "I'm getting a divorce" ??? |
It's about freaking time?
It really depends on the situation and whose friends are getting the news. When my then-best friend Laura got a divorce, we were all so relieved because her ex hubby was such a nasty b*stard that we sent her a dozen roses, balloons and a singing telegram to work! It was hilarious.....she loved it.
Someone else might not see things that way of course......
I'm with you, Pffff....I already have my response ready....another one bites the dust...NEXT!
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thegman
Member
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Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 17:02 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | I got a similar call about a year ago from my only friend in Atlanta. He said, "You know that billboard on the highway with that lady divorce lawyer on it? What's her phone number?" and he was seriour.
I wasn't surprised at all that they divorced, they were both rather selfish. Too bad for their little boy though. He and I still talk sometimes, but he's never brought up the divorce issue. |
You've just been uninvited to my end of the summer party. 
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 20:31 Post subject:
| thegman wrote: | | You've just been uninvited to my end of the summer party. |
I meant "only old friend from way-back".
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 06/17/03 - 20:34 Post subject:
I am waiting to hear more from more people my age. So far most of the people I know are still married.
One guy I used to work with is 33 years old and has already been married and divorced TWICE!!
wow.
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