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pokychick
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 Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:08 Post subject: What do you tell your children
when a close relative (grandfather) is sick and the prognosis is not good?
They are 9 and 13.
Last edited by pokychick on 04/16/03 - 11:49; edited 1 time in total
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camelia bedelia
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:09 Post subject:
The truth.
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prohemp
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:11 Post subject:
| camelia bedelia wrote: | | The truth. |
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purple hayes
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:14 Post subject:
I'm pretty sure she wasn't planning on lying to them. I think she was looking for a way to break the bad news to them.
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jrjo
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:24 Post subject:
Is it too late or too far to go visit? My boys (younger than your kids) lost their great-grandfather and we explained how his body had gotten too old and the doctors couldn't fix it anymore. We visited him in the nursing home, which was the first time for my kids. Then a short time later when he died, the funeral and burial were better understood.
I think at 9 & 13 they'll handle it okay. Lots of talk, sharing memories, visiting places they spent time with him is a good idea.
Is this the first close relative they'll lose?
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camelia bedelia
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:26 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | I'm pretty sure she wasn't planning on lying to them. I think she was looking for a way to break the bad news to them. |
I wasn't meaning to imply she would lie to them, but sometimes as parents we try to sugar coat things – say they doctors are trying to make him better, we don’t know what is going to happen, etc and I think kids see through that pretty quickly.
I would just say grandpa is really sick and even though the doctors have done everything they could he is not going to get better. Give them the basic information and let them ask questions from there.
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copteacher
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:29 Post subject:
I would tell the basics, depending on how close they are with said grandparent more information.
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pokychick
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:49 Post subject:
I should have phrased the question "how" instead of "what."
They are very close to their "Papa." This has all just happened since Monday. My FIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor. They are still running
more tests, but the outcome does not look good.
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airehead
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:54 Post subject:
My advice is to start with little warnings like, "Your grandpa has gotten sick, and we don't know what's happening exactly yet"
Maybe have them send grandpa cards telling him how much he means to them. It would be a good exercise to get them to think about how important he is to them--and prolly good for grandpa to hear it.
Answers questions as they come without going into too much detail. Kids will ask until they are satisfied.
I would save any speculation until you know for sure what the prognosis is.
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coachmarkos
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 11:59 Post subject:
I would tell them the truth.
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camelia bedelia
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 12:07 Post subject:
| pokychick wrote: | I should have phrased the question "how" instead of "what."
They are very close to their "Papa." This has all just happened since Monday. My FIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor. They are still running
more tests, but the outcome does not look good. |
As to the how, there is no good way. I would try (and I know it won't be easy) to be as calm as possible. Admit that you are scared/sad too, but try not to get too emotional. Give them the basic facts as you know them and but don't go into extreme detail. Try to answer their questions as best you can, even if they are difficult ones.
Last edited by camelia bedelia on 04/16/03 - 12:15; edited 1 time in total
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genie
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 12:09 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | My advice is to start with little warnings like, "Your grandpa has gotten sick, and we don't know what's happening exactly yet"
Maybe have them send grandpa cards telling him how much he means to them. It would be a good exercise to get them to think about how important he is to them--and prolly good for grandpa to hear it.
Answers questions as they come without going into too much detail. Kids will ask until they are satisfied.
I would save any speculation until you know for sure what the prognosis is. |
1 to everything airehead said. Good luck poky.....this is sad news indeed.
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Cappy
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 12:17 Post subject:
| prohemp wrote: | | camelia bedelia wrote: | | The truth. |
1 |
That is what we did when we told the kids about me. Surprising what a 3 and a 6 year old will ask you too.
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rolling rock
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 12:28 Post subject:
very sad, tough issue Poky. sorry you're facing this. i agree with everyone -- tell them basics and let them take it from there.....
when my mom died suddenly last year, both kids (8 and 13) were stunned. never ever asked a question (especially the 13 y.o.). they were just silent. it kinda bothered me cuz i wanted to hear what was on their minds as she was a big part of their life. i never even asked them how they felt. i think they were trying to be strong for me. 
i know one thing for sure - kids learn alot by just lurking. man, their little ears and eyes will grab onto every detail and just suck it in. they watch and listen and then make their own judgments -- hopefully with our guidance. mine just remained quiet in a bothersome way (to me).
good luck.
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Sandy Cheeks
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Posted: 04/16/03 - 13:07 Post subject:
I have no kids and therefore no advice, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Poky.
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