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TriBob
Member
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Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 5771
Location: Lost in Transition
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 Posted: 02/03/06 - 21:37 Post subject: Valentive reflections
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 22:13 Post subject:
There are three stages in a couple's love life:
- Tri-weekly
- Try weekly
- Try weakly
(yeah I know - penalty box)
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 22:44 Post subject:
Don't tell the girls I thought this was actually funny.
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 22:55 Post subject:
Words with two meanings
Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.F
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
Remote Control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 22:58 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list 
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:08 Post subject:
| Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me...
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:14 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder.
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:19 Post subject:
| Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
 Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...)
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:23 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...) |
Type B air test...chace air test with mortar paste....oooooohhhhhh I'm in for it now.
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:25 Post subject:
| Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...) |
Type B air test...chace air test with mortar paste....oooooohhhhhh I'm in for it now. |
I think we'd better stop before the innuendo police get onto our special words.
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/03/06 - 23:28 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...) |
Type B air test...chace air test with mortar paste....oooooohhhhhh I'm in for it now. |
I think we'd better stop before the innuendo police get onto our special words. |
You better rod it 25 times or the slump will be off!
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 02/04/06 - 07:50 Post subject:
| Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...) |
Type B air test...chace air test with mortar paste....oooooohhhhhh I'm in for it now. |
I think we'd better stop before the innuendo police get onto our special words. |
You better rod it 25 times or the slump will be off! |
Last thing anyone wants is an "off slump".
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Ms. Jenn
Fresh, Hot & Wild
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Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 7935
Location: Suite 550
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Posted: 02/04/06 - 16:55 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | | Ms. Jenn wrote: | | andydp wrote: | Words with two meaningsHe said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
You just might have made it back onto the hot guy list |
Never left. Always been available. Make my day: speak concrete to me... |
Ice is a great admixture in warm weather as a set retarder. |
Must stop naughty thoughts...(Steel rods, cones, wet cement...) |
Type B air test...chace air test with mortar paste....oooooohhhhhh I'm in for it now. |
I think we'd better stop before the innuendo police get onto our special words. |
You better rod it 25 times or the slump will be off! |
Last thing anyone wants is an "off slump". |
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