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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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 Posted: 10/22/03 - 11:35 Post subject: Two Doors Down: The Ballad of a Lost Friendship
Two years ago i moved into an apartment. It was my first apartment and i had graduated college and had a good job. The building kind of sucked, but it was close to work and the apartment i got was two doors down from one of my best friends from high school. I was so excited. We hung out after work and a lot on saturday when his wife was at work.
Naturally, we didn't hang out every day, maybe a couple times a week. It was soon apparent that his wife was getting jealous. Even when she was at work, she expected him to be at home and when she called (often), she was mad that he was spending so much time with me....even though she was at work.
As time passed, we saw less of each other. He ended up having to work second and third shift at work, and this meant the we were both at work when the other was home, but we still tried to see each other a bit....but that became less and less.
I tried. I really did. I called, i stopped by. He didn't reciprocate. We occasionally saw each other coming and going, but never much at all. I moved at the beginning of this month, and he asked for my phone number. He said he wanted to call and stay in touch.
30 days later (i moved in late september), guess who i haven't heard from yet? I have an answering machine, he could leave a message.
I could call him, but he's changed his number several times, and i don't know what it is. Besides, i've called him in the past, and the last time he called he asked if i have paprika...that's it.
aaaand he was once a good friend of mine, but now he's just a guy i knew in high school.
It's a little sad, but not much more i could have done. He obviously didn't care enough to put forth any effort.
To put this into context, a friend of mine in college who lives in South Dakota called me the day after i moved in. I still haven't heard from Earl.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 11:49 Post subject:
Dear Pug,
Still waitin' for the paprika.
-your pal
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Noley
AZhat
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Joined: 16 Aug 2003
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 11:50 Post subject:
Earl lost a good friend. I think that his wife had a lot to do with this situation as well. It sounds like she was manipulative enough to decide who he would be friends with and who he would not. It's too bad that he was/is not strong enough to decide who his friends are instead of her. That's sad and pathetic.
I'm sorry for your loss. Don't fret, one day he may just come back into your life. One of my closest friends did that with me after 18 years. She just stopped being my friend for no reason. She sought me out via Classmates.com I had written her off until she made the effort to find me. Now we email each other once a week. She has apologized many a time now for abandoning our friendship. It's worked out just fine.
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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 11:50 Post subject:
Dear Pal,
You know i don't cook and you make $5 more an hour than i do. Go to Cub, and when you get back, call me.
Pug
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 11:56 Post subject:
Seriously though, I know where you're coming from. I kept up good friendships for a good many years out of high school. Then as us guys started getting married, careers and families, the pal-around time was where the pinch was. Now I'm honestly happy to spend a weekend or two a year with 'em all. I've made a point of organizing it, just to be sure it happens.
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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 12:00 Post subject:
I only bothered keeping up with three friends after high school. One person disappeared (more or less) a couple of weeks before we had planned on going to a Tori Amos show. I tracked down his phone number a couple of months later, we chatted and he never called back. I can only imagine what he's doing now. I have two guesses, one is good the other is not. Earl was the second. Mary Jo is the third. We still periodically e-mail, so it's aight there.
I wouldn't be as irritated if i just lost the pal-around time with Earl. It irritates me that the only time he called me in 5 months was to ask for paprika. Nor can he be bothered to return my e-mails.
I know, it's a part of growing up, but it's still dumb.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 12:45 Post subject:
It hurts to lose a friend--even worse to lose one with no explanation and no goodbyes. Wondering if you could have done anything different.
I think Brie is right--sounds like the wife made him choose, and she won.
I am very sorry.
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MechEngDropout
Member
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Joined: 27 Jun 2003
Posts: 10474
Location: Off the grid
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 12:48 Post subject:
Yup, it's all part of growing up. I really only see one person from high school regularly, and that's just because we're in the same major at the same school. I have 2 other good friends from high school that I wish I could keep up with more. One is still living at home, I see him every other month or so. My other good friend joined the navy. Since then I've seen him a few times. He's got a wife now, and she takes up about all of his free time. I went to Pensacola for a few days early this summer to see him and that's about the last time I actually talked to him. He had about a week of leave around a month ago, during which he went home to see family and friends. I knew he was coming so I sent him a message saying call when you get in or just stop by. No call or anything. Last weekend he called me while I was at work, so I sent a message saying call me after 9 oclock, he sends a message back saying sure thing and doesn't call. I've long ago decided that the only friend that you will keep for the rest of your life is a SO. And family.
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MSUrunner
Member
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Joined: 26 Aug 2003
Posts: 152
Location: The land of green and white
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Posted: 10/22/03 - 18:49 Post subject:
| Pug wrote: | I only bothered keeping up with three friends after high school. One person disappeared (more or less) a couple of weeks before we had planned on going to a Tori Amos show. I tracked down his phone number a couple of months later, we chatted and he never called back. I can only imagine what he's doing now. I have two guesses, one is good the other is not. Earl was the second. Mary Jo is the third. We still periodically e-mail, so it's aight there.
I wouldn't be as irritated if i just lost the pal-around time with Earl. It irritates me that the only time he called me in 5 months was to ask for paprika. Nor can he be bothered to return my e-mails.
I know, it's a part of growing up, but it's still dumb. |
Did you see Tori Amos? I just LOVE to listen to her!!
The friend thing is kind of sad, I once heard from a high school friend that went on and on about how we were best friends...then she asked me to co-sign on a loan for her.  It was a sad night that is for sure.
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Pug
The Movie Geek
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Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Posts: 8924
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Posted: 10/23/03 - 09:31 Post subject:
| MSUrunner wrote: | | Pug wrote: | I only bothered keeping up with three friends after high school. One person disappeared (more or less) a couple of weeks before we had planned on going to a Tori Amos show. I tracked down his phone number a couple of months later, we chatted and he never called back. I can only imagine what he's doing now. I have two guesses, one is good the other is not. Earl was the second. Mary Jo is the third. We still periodically e-mail, so it's aight there.
I wouldn't be as irritated if i just lost the pal-around time with Earl. It irritates me that the only time he called me in 5 months was to ask for paprika. Nor can he be bothered to return my e-mails.
I know, it's a part of growing up, but it's still dumb. |
Did you see Tori Amos? I just LOVE to listen to her!!
The friend thing is kind of sad, I once heard from a high school friend that went on and on about how we were best friends...then she asked me to co-sign on a loan for her. It was a sad night that is for sure. |
I did. I've seen her twice now, but that was my first show. It was just Tori and her piano (no backing band) and it just rocked my socks off. Very powerful show.
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