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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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 Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:33 Post subject: Tribute to Rodney Dangerfield...
What better way to remember Rodney than with his jokes ? Here's a list of some. If you know more, just add them on.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S 18 BEST ONE-LINERS
1. A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
2. If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.
3. And we were poor, too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.
4. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
5. One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey, buddy. Why are you doing that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."
6. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
7. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
8. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
9. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
10. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
11. When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father .... "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through."
12. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said ... "I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. Next Tuesday is when I jump.
15. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?"
He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. When I was born the doctor took one look at my face...turned me over and said. "Look ... twins!"
18. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Added on: I went to see my Doctor, Dr Vinny Pumbazzo I said " Doc what's wrong ? He said: Your'e crazy. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said "OK, you're ugly too !!"
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TriBob
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Joined: 29 Aug 2002
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:44 Post subject:
But the hat looks good on you.
Bring a pitcher every 7 minutes, when someone passes out bring it every 10.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:50 Post subject:
| TriBob wrote: | | Bring a pitcher every 7 minutes, when someone passes out bring it every 10. |
I used that line a few times in my younger days
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:53 Post subject:
I was so ugly as a kid, my parents made me trick-or-treat over the phone.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:54 Post subject:
For a guy that was so homely, he sure did score well in the wife department.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 09:59 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | For a guy that was so homely, he sure did score well in the wife department.
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 Is she old enough to vote
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:02 Post subject:
| Cappy wrote: | | Is she old enough to vote |
She's in her 50's.
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TriBob
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:13 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | Cappy wrote: | | Is she old enough to vote |
She's in her 50's. |
Good surgeon.
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HighHeat
Big Daddy
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Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:21 Post subject:
| TriBob wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | Cappy wrote: | | Is she old enough to vote |
She's in her 50's. |
Good surgeon. |
"Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."
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Running Brewer
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Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 3872
Location: Santa Poco
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:23 Post subject:
Well, why don't you come and see me some time when you have no class.
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:39 Post subject:
I love Rodney.
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shelflifers
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Joined: 10 Jun 2002
Posts: 18633
Location: Austin, TX
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:40 Post subject:
THE TRIPLE LINDY!!!!!
no mas.
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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 10:49 Post subject:
To MIL in Easy Money: "You're the reason they invented twin beds"
From Back to School: I went to a really tough High School. When they played football, after they sacked the quarterback, they went after his family.
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andydp
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 16:47 Post subject:
More bumping up for the Gets no Respect guy...
Come on folks you gotta have a Rodney joke in ya !
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 10/06/04 - 20:00 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | | Come on folks you gotta have a Rodney joke in ya ! |
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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