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RangerG
Bounty Hunter
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Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Posts: 7301
Location: Gmail Server Number 126
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 Posted: 11/10/03 - 12:15 Post subject: The Rules according to Men
As this is the "inside" time of year for sports on tv, sleeping in late, etc...
These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No, are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape
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MastrBrewr
Saccharomyces cerevisiae
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Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 6974
Location: outside
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 12:25 Post subject:
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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 12:33 Post subject: Re: The Rules according to Men
| RangerG wrote: | As this is the "inside" time of year for sports on tv, sleeping in late, etc...
These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
I only care if you pee all over it. Other than that..it's my own fault if I go swimming a 3 am.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, yet again!
Anything but chocolates and you're good to go.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Thank GOD!
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
And 
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Sunday = long run, shower and then you can watch all the sports you want.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Unless I'm trying on Victoria's Secret, right?
1. Crying is blackmail.
You'll see that about as often as Haley's comet.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
I don't have to. 
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.Remind us frequently beforehand.
OK.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
When you start wearing dresses, I'll start asking you.
1. Yes and No, are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Unless I follow up with Why?
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
OK.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
takes care of my headaches. Is it ok to have a 17 month headache NOW?
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
I don't even remember what I said six months ago.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
I'll dress like them, but you may not be impressed.
1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Are you sure? 
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Ok. But don't be offended if we're looking at a nice pair of Levi's as well.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
OK.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
How about sign language? 
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
Yeah...he was going to India. Wrong turn, much?
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
Oh...you mean the isn't supposed to get better? 
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Mauve is a 70's tv show, right?
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that..
So do we. We just don't sniff it after.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If we say "Nothing." We're pissed. If we say "Oh, nothing" we're sad. If we're all perky and say "Nothing!" We want something. How hard is that?
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape |
I prefer cylindrical.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 12:37 Post subject:
Paging Doctor Phil
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 13:19 Post subject:
Cool a virtual domestic.
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 13:21 Post subject:
Here's what I have to say to men and their dumbass rules:
[scroll:c7309f2cb7] [/scroll:c7309f2cb7]
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RangerG
Bounty Hunter
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Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Posts: 7301
Location: Gmail Server Number 126
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 13:27 Post subject:
| Cappy wrote: | | Cool a virtual domestic. |
Sheesh...it was a joke 
I think she knows me better than that 
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 14:00 Post subject:
I think you are on day#1 of the second part of this rule:
| Ranger wrote: | | 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. |
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pbello
Member
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Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 230
Location: Brooklyn, NY
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 15:08 Post subject: Re: The Rules according to Men
| Maddie's Wench wrote: | | RangerG wrote: |
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that..
So do we. We just don't sniff it after.
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TimRuns
Member
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Joined: 11 May 2003
Posts: 10062
Location: Coquitlam, British Columbia
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 20:59 Post subject:
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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 21:12 Post subject:
Those are a riot!
Thanks I needed that.
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 21:13 Post subject:
cool, list G
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 21:20 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | Here's what I have to say to men and their dumbass rules:
[scroll:e31f3466a5] [/scroll:e31f3466a5] |
i see that moon scroll and will raise it a
[scroll:e31f3466a5]  [/scroll:e31f3466a5]
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 21:22 Post subject:
if only you wimmins could be that simple and had a list of rules
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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
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Posted: 11/10/03 - 21:36 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | if only you wimmins could be that simple and had a list of rules |
1. Just give us a wink and a kiss once in a while. We don't want the moon... just a reminder that we're loved.
2. If you did it, own it. Don't deny it or pretend like you don't know what we're talking about.
3. If you lifted that damned seat, you can jolly-well put it back down! We don't even like touching it when we're using bleach to clean it. If you don't like this rule, ask yourself when the last time YOU were expected to clean a toilet was.
4. We really don't care that much about calendar dates if we're sensible... but be a nice guy and mark them on YOUR calendar anyhow... you got something against extra points?!
5. Check our oil for us... we wash your underwear for you.
6. Ignoring us all day is not foreplay. Don't pretend like we don't exist and then act shocked when we don't want to fool around.
7. If you want us to be just like your mother, she can come live with you and we'll move to Maui.
8. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Quite the contrary.
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