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thegman
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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 Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:35 Post subject: Stupid relatives.
On Saturday, my cousin was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana. Fortunately for him, he wasn't charged with a felony. Otherwise, I have no idea if he did anything wrong, and don't know any of the details of how he got arrested. His mother bailed him out on Sunday afternoon.
My uncle called me, naturally, to see about the family discount for representing him (translation: free lawyering) and what I could do to "get him off."
My uncle is only marginally smarter than bread mold, and I am frankly embarrassed to have any type of genetic tie to him.
Here's an excerpt:
"I need you to represent him. I need someone good."
"I'm flattered, but I don't do criminal defense work."
"He's not a criminal."
"Um, he's been charged with a misdemeanor crime under the code, has he not?"
"Yes, well, but he's never been in trouble before."
"Whatever you say. I still can't help you. It's not my area, and even if it was, you wouldn't want to pay my hourly rate. Besides, Paul* is what, 23 years old now? Why are you managing this?"
"You'd actually charge a fee?"
"Yes. I know you well enough to know you wouldn't hesitate to sue me for malpractice if I messed something up in the case, so why wouldn't I? You're missing the point, though. I don't do criminal defense work."
"I can't believe you're actually going abandon your own flesh and blood."
"I'm not, and trying to make me feel guilty about it isn't going to get you anything. Asking me to represent him is like asking a plumber to rewire a house. Tell him to find a good defense lawyer if he wants to fight it. Tell him to find a bad one and plead nolo if he doesn't."
He called me later in the day and told me he'd be okay with paying my hourly rate. I had to explain, again, that I don't do criminal work. 
Any stupid relative stories you'd like to share????
*Name changed to protect the knucklehead.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:43 Post subject:
Misdemeanor pot possession is what, $100 fine and 12 hrs. community service?
Skip the lawyer fees and pay the fine.
Disclaimer :: No, I've never been arrested for pot possession.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:45 Post subject:
Your story would be hilarious if it wasn't so painful. We also have an idiot in our family tree. Although, sometimes we wonder what is idiocy and what is "cunning" because he is also quite skillfull at getting out of things. (like being a decent husband)
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:46 Post subject:
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:48 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: |
Disclaimer :: No, I don't have the NORML site bookmarked. |
So, what you're saying is that it's your home page? 
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thegman
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:57 Post subject:
I gave your telephone number to my uncle. He'll be calling you shortly.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 14:59 Post subject:
| thegman wrote: | | I gave your telephone number to my uncle. He'll be calling you shortly. |
Can I claim that as pro bono work?
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BamBam
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 15:05 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | thegman wrote: | | I gave your telephone number to my uncle. He'll be calling you shortly. |
Can I claim that as pro bono work? |
Do you like U2 also????
yes I am the dumb relative in my family 
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 15:08 Post subject:
| BamBam wrote: | | purple hayes wrote: | | thegman wrote: | | I gave your telephone number to my uncle. He'll be calling you shortly. |
Can I claim that as pro bono work? |
Do you like U2 also????
yes I am the dumb relative in my family |
Actually, I bet you are the hellafubby relative in your family. It's all relative though....
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thegman
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
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Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 15:46 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | thegman wrote: | | I gave your telephone number to my uncle. He'll be calling you shortly. |
Can I claim that as pro bono work? |
You'd have to. He'll never actually pay you.
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sonnylax
Member
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Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Posts: 2942
Location: Living in a lollipop and unicorn world
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 17:09 Post subject:
Funny story GMan.
What type of lawyer are you?
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thegman
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 17:15 Post subject:
| sonnylax wrote: | Funny story GMan.
What type of lawyer are you? |
Short, cynical, and vastly overpaid. 
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Noley
AZhat
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Joined: 16 Aug 2003
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 17:22 Post subject:
Why doesn't he get it?
And...your cousin is 23 years old!!!
He needs to pay the consequences of his own actions.
Not have Mommy and Daddy bail him out!
Grow up and be a man! Sheesh!
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coachmarkos
my boys could swim
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
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Posted: 01/19/04 - 17:46 Post subject:
it's ok theg.
and yes, we have some winners in my familial tree....
like my cousin...who is holier than thou...but gets drunk as often as possible, swears all the time, and can't wait to see "boobs" on tv...but he has no problem preaching "The Lord" to people.
He also is the most annoying talker of all time. He wont shut up. He can go on and on and on and on and on and on...you get the drift. About a month ago he went to a silent retreat...because he was thinking about becoming a monk.
(I was hoping he liked this one.)
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msparks
Member
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Joined: 13 Nov 2003
Posts: 3182
Location: Jammin' at the Frim Fram, Frippin' in the Krotz
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Posted: 01/20/04 - 09:57 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | Disclaimer :: No, I've never been arrested for pot possession. |
Hah! The smart ones never get caught.
| purple hayes wrote: | | Disclaimer :: No, I don't have the NORML site bookmarked. |
You just buy 'em off the stand, right?
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