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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
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 Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:00 Post subject:
| bpdou wrote: |
yeah, I know. I was just making a general comment about the world's perception, not yours.  |
An observation: if our children were encouraged to be individuals, were encouraged to look inward and figure out who they are before figuring out who would be best to spend their life with (or on), I think the average marriage age would go up, and there would be less divorce.
I personally include talks and exercises about introspection and self-awareness into my kids' homeschooling program. That's because all I really remember about my teenage years was how to stop being so shy and how to find a guy to marry.
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HighHeat
Big Daddy
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Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:07 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
An observation: if our children were encouraged to be individuals, were encouraged to look inward and figure out who they are before figuring out who would be best to spend their life with (or on), I think the average marriage age would go up, and there would be less divorce. |
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Noley
AZhat
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Joined: 16 Aug 2003
Posts: 10494
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:10 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
An observation: if our children were encouraged to be individuals, were encouraged to look inward and figure out who they are before figuring out who would be best to spend their life with (or on), I think the average marriage age would go up, and there would be less divorce.
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Unfortunately this is not always the case to a good, solid marriage. You can know yourself inside out and take all the time you want. Sometimes it still doesn't solidify that "happily ever after".
ICC with what you are saying LE. I just don't think it's going to always be the case.
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Sahara
Member
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:29 Post subject:
| bpdou wrote: |
It's been an outstanding year of growth for me, getting quite comfortable with Brian, and learning how just to be ME. Don't get me wrong, as many who know me will tell you, it was a rocky road getting here, but now I find myself being quite happy being single, NOT dating, not WORRYING about dating, not even TRYING to date, just being single, a dad, an artist, a TRYathlete, a cat feeder, a Camry driver, a Seinfeld lover... on and on. I've arrived at the point, FINALLY, where I can say life is EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be, and I don't need to TRY to change a thing. Things WILL change, but they'll change on their own, I don't need to be trying to force it.
"I need not worry about what needs to be changed in the world as much as what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
I'm settled. And I'm secure. There is no rush. Enjoy life as it is, and don't worry about the brass ring, because it's nothing more than an illusion. |
Cliff notes? you'll screw'em if you want it <grin>
oh, I just got an idea for another sex thread... watch for it. I wonder how fun it is to be a moderator on the days that the kids here are preoccupied with and posting about sex. sex sex sex... just wanted to type it some more... sex
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:32 Post subject:
Happily Ever After is one of those myths that was created by Hollywood and perpetuated by Hallmark
I too am very happily single, and agree totally with what Brian said. The brass ring IS an illusion, and you really can't be truly happy with any other aspect of your life, IMHO, until you are happy with you, know who you are, or at least who you are at that moment in time (it does change as you grow), and comfortable in your own skin. I've made some really big mistakes and learned some often painful lessons along my path over the last year or so, but I've been able to learn a little more about myself from each one so that's a positive thing! I'm not thinking much about dating either (although of course that's when the prospects start coming  ). I have way too many other cool things I want to be doing and more exploring of my own world to worry about having to deal with someone else's neuroses. If that sounds selfish, that's too bad.....but for the first time in a very long time, I feel healthy and I know where I'm going. The rest will come when it's meant to come, and trying to control that has never brought me anything positive and usually gets me into trouble.
Life is an adventure, and an incredible journey.....let it happen!   
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bpdou
Member
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Joined: 09 Apr 2004
Posts: 1713
Location: Louisville
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:42 Post subject:
| Sahara wrote: | Cliff notes? you'll screw'em if you want it <grin>
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HighHeat
Big Daddy
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Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:44 Post subject:
| Sahara wrote: | | oh, I just got an idea for another sex thread... watch for it. I wonder how fun it is to be a moderator on the days that the kids here are preoccupied with and posting about sex. sex sex sex... just wanted to type it some more... sex |
*tapping fingers*
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brie k
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:49 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | Happily Ever After is one of those myths that was created by Hollywood and perpetuated by Hallmark
I too am very happily single, and agree totally with what Brian said. The brass ring IS an illusion, and you really can't be truly happy with any other aspect of your life, IMHO, until you are happy with you, know who you are, or at least who you are at that moment in time (it does change as you grow), and comfortable in your own skin. I've made some really big mistakes and learned some often painful lessons along my path over the last year or so, but I've been able to learn a little more about myself from each one so that's a positive thing! I'm not thinking much about dating either (although of course that's when the prospects start coming ). I have way too many other cool things I want to be doing and more exploring of my own world to worry about having to deal with someone else's neuroses. If that sounds selfish, that's too bad.....but for the first time in a very long time, I feel healthy and I know where I'm going. The rest will come when it's meant to come, and trying to control that has never brought me anything positive and usually gets me into trouble.
Life is an adventure, and an incredible journey.....let it happen! |
on everything, particularly the bolded issue!! You know, I think it is ok right now to make it all about me. It is all about me, figuring out who I am, learning how to balance all of this new stuff, living day-to-day on my terms. I so like that aspect of it, even though yes, it is hard, and yes I am sometimes sad about where I've ended up. I am sure I have a long way to go before I can walk away from the ashes of my marriage and not feel like I've failed.
Another thing. This past week while trying to make this 'first date' happen, I've been stressed. Shopping for date clothes because I really don't own any, worrying about how to do my hair and just being generally girlie (not that I don't most always try to put my best foot forward most days, but it's different than a date thing). I hate that I feel like I'm wasting my energy on something that just isn't that important to me right now.
And there's also that part of me that thinks if it was that important, he would have been there on Monday. Don't argue in his defense either, because I know this line of thinking isn't exactly rational. Things come up and I get that, but I want to be the girl who the guy gives up things for. I've never been that girl, and just once I want to be put first, period and end of story. It's rather unfortunate for Rick that I am coming off a crappy relationship because I see a little Kramer in him and it irritates the sh*t out of me.
I'm just a little lost, a walking contradiction, a bit unsure of WTF I'm doing.
I do thank all of you for your candor though. I need this dialogue to help me along my way. Thanks!!!
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akern
Member
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 15:58 Post subject:
I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? 
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16242
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:01 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? |
Yeah good thing this isn't in On-Topic because Alan would've been kicking ass and taking names 
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bpdou
Member
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Joined: 09 Apr 2004
Posts: 1713
Location: Louisville
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:02 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? |
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kristin31
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:09 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? |
Sometimes, it is possible to have both. I wouldn't have believed it myself had you told me this a few years ago.
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bpdou
Member
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Joined: 09 Apr 2004
Posts: 1713
Location: Louisville
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:11 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: |
Sometimes, it is possible to have both. I wouldn't have believed it myself had you told me this a few years ago. |
<grin> well of course it is...
actually the first part goes a long way to contributing towards the second part...
I'll let y'all sort out which parts is which...
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spongebob
Former FFL Champion
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 3602
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:37 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? |
We should change it to "Happily ever afterglow".
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 11/11/04 - 16:59 Post subject:
| akern wrote: | | I thought we were speaking about sex.... what's with all this happily ever after crap?? |
Never mind that, what's this tapping of the fingers HH is engaged in?
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