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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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 Posted: 11/10/04 - 20:57 Post subject: Sixteen Lessons in Management Speak
Top those just entering the workforce or the nifty realm of management, some ways to get around the jungle...
1. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Value-added.
TRANSLATION: Expensive.
2. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's a good question.
TRANSLATION: I don't have a good answer.
3. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility.
TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.
4. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business.
TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business.
5. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for discussion. But if you do want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
TRANSLATION: &%^$ you.
6. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you.
TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care.
7. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want to deliver a quality product.
TRANSLATION: The product will be late and over budget.
8. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The system has to be flexible.
TRANSLATION: We don't know what the hell we want.
9. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
TRANSLATION: We're going to do it my way.
10. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Human Resources.
TRANSLATION: A bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks.
11. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Empower (verb)
TRANSLATION: Freely blame your subordinates for your problems.
12. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'd like your buy-in on this.
TRANSLATION: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.
13. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture.
TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it's a good idea.
14. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees.
TRANSLATION: The upcoming reductions will benefit me.
15. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't disagree.
TRANSLATION: I disagree.
16. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'm not saying no, but I'm certainly not saying yes.
TRANSLATION: No.
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Kimba90
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Joined: 03 Dec 2003
Posts: 3594
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Posted: 11/10/04 - 21:28 Post subject:
I love " let's set up a committee.." or better yet, a "sub-committee".
Another favorite of mine..."who's going to champion this project"
which means "what idiot has to volunteer for this stupid idea and try and make it work"...
Favs at our hospital...
Any conversation that starts "...I need to bring this to your attention..."
that means either someone is messing up in your department, or someone is doing something in another department, yet under your realm, that needs to stop it, pronto!
Also..."are you aware..that...so-and so- has been doing whatever...."
Nope, if you are just now telling me that so-and-so is doing it, I'm completely unaware, and now getting broadsided with it!
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Funny.
