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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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 Posted: 04/06/03 - 16:58 Post subject: Serious opinions requested...
ok, you can be fubby, but I would really like to know how people define friendship. What do you look for in a friend? What would make you lose respect for a friend? Can you lose respect for a friend? I want to know if my views of friendship are outdated/old fashioned. How much crap do you take from a friend before you call it "quits"? Do you ever feel used by "friends"?
Please elaborate and give me all your opinions.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
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Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 17:11 Post subject: Re: Serious opinions requested...
What do you look for in a friend? Someone who has similar interests and viewpoints.
What would make you lose respect for a friend? Betray my trust and/or confidence
Can you lose respect for a friend? Yes
How much crap do you take from a friend before you call it "quits"? Can take a lot, think it depends on the
Do you ever feel used by "friends"? Nope, don't really have that many save for my virtual ones.
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Erstwhile Lurker
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 18:20 Post subject:
Sounds like someone is in the process of dissing you. 
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 18:28 Post subject: Re: Serious opinions requested...
What do you look for in a friend? similar interests so we can do things together, and someone who thinks along the same lines as me.
What would make you lose respect for a friend? betraying a trust or talking about me in an unkind way, behind my back
Can you lose respect for a friend? yes, like when they want your advice, then ignore it totally, then come back and ask for more advice after the disaster that they could have avoided if they had listened to you in the first place.
How much crap do you take from a friend before you call it "quits"? a good bit, but there does come a time.....
Do you ever feel used by "friends"? this has been an issue for me for a long time. many of my "friends" in music circles are friends because of what I can do for them. Good pianists are hard to find.....so when they need me, they call. Unfortunately, they don't call any other time. I recently developed some friendships that have nothing to do with my music, and my wife is upset about that. guess I can't win
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sierra513
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 19:43 Post subject:
Hi
I have a bit of an odd view on friendship I guess. I figure that if you're lucky, you will make 5 "friends" in your lifetime. Those are people who, if you havent heard from them for several years, and you needed them, they would be there for you, and vice versa. The ones who when you see them after not seeing them for a long time, seems like it was only yesterday when you saw them last. Its always comfortable and trusting. It takes a long time ( read years ) to develop this kind of relationship.
Aquaintances, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen. Those are the people that you know and like to spend time with, but probably wouldnt ever depend on in a pinch, initially anyway.
Aquaintances can become friends, but once a "friend", always a friend.
Friends accept you as you are, even if there are differences between you, but will always support and love you through good times and bad.
Aquaintances are there for a season, sometimes short and sometimes long, but not forever.
As far as your questions, sounds to me like you are dealing with what I would call an aquaintance.
FWIW
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 19:56 Post subject:
| sierra513 wrote: | Hi
I have a bit of an odd view on friendship I guess. I figure that if you're lucky, you will make 5 "friends" in your lifetime. Those are people who, if you havent heard from them for several years, and you needed them, they would be there for you, and vice versa. The ones who when you see them after not seeing them for a long time, seems like it was only yesterday when you saw them last. Its always comfortable and trusting. It takes a long time ( read years ) to develop this kind of relationship.
Aquaintances, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen. Those are the people that you know and like to spend time with, but probably wouldnt ever depend on in a pinch, initially anyway.
Aquaintances can become friends, but once a "friend", always a friend.
Friends accept you as you are, even if there are differences between you, but will always support and love you through good times and bad.
Aquaintances are there for a season, sometimes short and sometimes long, but not forever.
As far as your questions, sounds to me like you are dealing with what I would call an aquaintance.
FWIW |
 ....and it's worth alot!!!!!
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
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Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 20:20 Post subject:
| sierra513 wrote: | Hi
I have a bit of an odd view on friendship I guess. I figure that if you're lucky, you will make 5 "friends" in your lifetime. Those are people who, if you havent heard from them for several years, and you needed them, they would be there for you, and vice versa. The ones who when you see them after not seeing them for a long time, seems like it was only yesterday when you saw them last. Its always comfortable and trusting. It takes a long time ( read years ) to develop this kind of relationship.
Aquaintances, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen. Those are the people that you know and like to spend time with, but probably wouldnt ever depend on in a pinch, initially anyway.
Aquaintances can become friends, but once a "friend", always a friend.
Friends accept you as you are, even if there are differences between you, but will always support and love you through good times and bad.
Aquaintances are there for a season, sometimes short and sometimes long, but not forever.
As far as your questions, sounds to me like you are dealing with what I would call an aquaintance.
FWIW |
Like RR wrote, It's worth a lot. I think your view of friendship is spot on. And I agree that true friends are not numerous, where as aquaintances are a dime-a-dozen. I don't trust much. I don't make friends or aquaintances very easy. So if I do call someone a friend, it is a forever thing--and you are right, there are few of those.
I guess my problem is I miscalculated this "friend". I thought things were different, and I've never made a mistake like that. I move very slowly in this arena.
But, alas, you are right, I guess she was merely an aquaintance. And like Keltic said, calling only when she needed me. I have even tried to explain it to myself that there might be cultural differences (She's from the north and I am from the south) but I don't think that's it, either.
I guess I'm just left feeling like a fool and hurt all in one.
I am glad to see though, that you guys see friendship like I do, that I'm not so off-kilter.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 21:18 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | | I am glad to see though, that you guys see friendship like I do, that I'm not so off-kilter. |
glad we could help
and now to take this thread into the gutter.......
I often get off-kilter, and take my kilt off! :eek:
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 21:45 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: | | airehead wrote: | | I am glad to see though, that you guys see friendship like I do, that I'm not so off-kilter. |
glad we could help
and now to take this thread into the gutter.......
I often get off-kilter, and take my kilt off! :eek: |
That cracks me up! I thought of you after I wrote that, wondering....and sure enough~you came through!! 
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sierra513
Member
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Posted: 04/06/03 - 23:46 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: |
I guess I'm just left feeling like a fool and hurt all in one.
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Dont feel like a fool, it sounds like you were being her "friend", but she was not being yours.  Its never fun feeling like that, but some people are just like that, be thankful that you are the person you are, that being, someone who does not use people.
Shake the dust off your feet and move on, knowing you treated her right, even if it was not returned. Your friendship is her loss.
( I know, easier said than done, but it can be done  )
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