Saturday Morning Email Inbox Cleanup

POTFH

>>In Honor of Stupid People
>>In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
>>through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
>>consumer goods Really crazy, Right!? Ted.
>>
>>On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
>>(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>>
>>On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>>Details inside.
>>(the shoplifter special)?
>>
>>On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
>>(and that would be how???....)
>>
>>On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
>>(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>>
>>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn
>>upside down."
>>(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>>
>>On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after
>>heating."
>>(...and you thought????...)
>>
>>++++++ On packaging for a Rowenta Iron -- "Do not iron clothes on
>>body."
>>(but wouldn't this save me more time)? +++++++
>>
>>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
>>machinery after taking this medication."
>>(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
>>could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
>>forklifts.)
>>
>>On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>>(and..I'm taking this because???....)
>>
>>On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use
>>only."
>>(as opposed to...what)?
>>
>>On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
>>(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>>
>>On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
>>(talk about a news flash)
>>
>>On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet,
>>eat nuts."
>>(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>>
>>On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not
>>enable you to fly."
>>(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>>
>>On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your
>>hands or genitals."
>>(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>>
>>
>
>>
>>

POTFH

>Humorous Truths About Government
>
>1. *Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
>But I repeat myself.
>--Mark Twain
>
>2. *We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is
>like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the
>handle.
>--Winston Churchill
>
>3. *A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
>support of Paul.
>--George Bernard Shaw
>
>4. *A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which
>debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
>-- G. Gordon Liddy
>
>5. *Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on
>what to have for dinner.
>--James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
>
>6. *Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich
>countries to rich people in poor countries.
>--Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J.Clinton at Georgetown U.(1992)
>
>7. *Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car
>keys to teenage boys.
>--P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
>
>8. *Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to
>live at the expense of
>everybody else.
>--Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
>
>9. *Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
>phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it
>stops moving, subsidize it.
>-- Ronald Reagan (1986)
>
>10. *I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
>--Will Rogers
>
>11. *If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it
>costs when it's free.
>--P.J. O'Rourke
>
>12. *If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If
>you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you
>want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't
>want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist.
>--Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)
>
>13. *In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as
>possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
>--Voltaire (1764)
>
>14. *Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
>politics won't take an interest in you.
>--Pericles (430 B.C.)
>
>15. *No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is
>in session.
>--Mark Twain (1866)
>
>16. *Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it.
>--(Unknown)
>
>17. *The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy
>appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
>--Ronald Reagan
>
>18. *The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the
>blessings.. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of
>misery.
>--Winston Churchill
>
>19. *The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
>taxidermist leaves the skin.
>--Mark Twain
>
>20. *The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to
>fill the world with fools.
>--Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
>
>21. *There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress.
>--Mark Twain
>
>22. *What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
>-- Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995

POTFH

I think I shared this one already!

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!

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