Posted: 03/29/03 - 06:37 Post subject: Saturday Morning Email Clean Up?
Joined: 18 May 2002
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Some of these I have already shared with everyone here but it was too difficult to remember which ones so here is almost everything from my email box.
> More Privacy issues...check out this "New Google Feature"...
> Click Here ---> www.google.com
> Type your telephone number, including area code and dashes (i.e.
> 555-123-4567) into Google's search field/bar and click the search
> .... MapQuest and YahooMaps return with a physical location of your
> phone number. People could use this feature to locate your home
> and receive explicit directions on how to get there from anywhere in
> country. Cool, huh? (yeah, right)
> If your name appeared as above, you can remove your name off this
> To do this: Type in your full phone number .... just like above. If
> number appears in the mapping database, an icon resembling a telephone
> will appear next to the entry on the results page. Click on this icon
> and it will take you to a page containing a description of the service,
> and a link to request your number be removed!
> Just thought you may be interested
A little Radical maybe, But......
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I haven't heard one peace plan offered.
Here is one:
1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their
affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini and the rest of them
good old boys'. We will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with
Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We
would station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in the
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be
gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are.
France would welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days
unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be
allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself, don't hide
here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We don't need any more
5) No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they
don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will
require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou
will have to cope for a while.
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for
their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else.
If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will
not "interfere". They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain,
cement or whatever they need. Besides' most of what we give them is stolen
or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if any
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the
spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good homeless
shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
Subject: a simple story
This is a very simplistic story, but a powerful message.
A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his
wife opening a package; what food might it contain?
He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap!
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning, "There is a
mouse trap in the house, there is a mouse trap in the house."
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I
can tell you this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no
consequence to me; I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mouse trap in the
"I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse," sympathized the pig, "but there is
nothing I can do about it but pray; be assured that you are in my
The mouse turned to the cow, who replied, "Like wow, Mr. Mouse, a mouse
trap; am I in grave danger, Duh?"
So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the
farmer's mouse trap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of
mouse trap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was
In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail
trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital.
She returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with
fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the
soup's main ingredient.
His wife's sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit
with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well, in fact, she died, and so many
people came for her funeral the farmer had the cow slaughtered to
provide meat for all of them to eat.
So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think
that it does not concern you, remember that when the least of us is
threatened, we are all at risk.
And so it may be with Germany, France and Belgium one
The bunny and the snake
Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an
orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both
blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and
fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake for a loop.
"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt
I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,
I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same
yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my
Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you
are, so at least you'll have that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered
over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have
really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail.
say that you must be a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The
bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my
and help you the same way that you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth
slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd
you must be French."
Last week, the Shelby County Alabama Legislative
Delegation hosted a "Stand Up for America Rally."
More than 1,200 people attended including featured
speakers Chief Justice Roy Moore, Adjutant General
Mark Bowen and Alabama State Auditor Beth Chapman.
Attached is a copy of Mrs. Chapman's speech, which
resulted in five standing ovations, tremendous
applause and an encore. It's a short read and well
I hope you enjoy it as we continue to "Stand up
The program may be viewed Wednesday, March 5th at
8:00 PM on Charter Cable Channel Six in our area.
Stand Up for America Rally Speech By: Beth
I'm here tonight because men and women of the
United States military have given their lives for my
freedom. I am not here tonight because Sheryl Crowe,
Rosie O'Donnell, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Jane
Fonda or Phil Donahue, sacrificed their lives for
If my memory serves me correctly, it was not movie
stars or musicians, but the United States Military
who fought on the shores of Iwo Jima, the jungles of
Vietnam, and the beaches of Normandy. Tonight, I say
we should support the President of the United States
and the U.S. Military and tell the liberal,
tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippy, tie-dyed
liberals to go make their movies and music and whine
After all, if they lived in Iraq, they wouldn't be
allowed the freedom of speech they're being given
here today. Ironically, they would be put to death
at the hands of Sadam Husssein or Osama Bin Laden. I
want to know how the very people who are against war
because of the loss of life, can possibly be the
same people who are for abortion?
They are the same people who are for animal rights
but against the rights of the unborn. The movie
stars say they want to go to Iraq and serve as
"human shields" for the Iraqis. I say let them buy a
one-way ticket and go.
No one likes war. I hate war! But the one thing I
hate more is the fact that this country has been
forced into war...innocent people have lost their
lives - - and there but for the grace of God, it
could have been my brother, my husband, or even
worse my own son.
On December 7, 1941, there are no records of movie
stars treading the blazing waters of Pearl Harbor.
On September 11, 2001; there are no photos of
movie stars standing as "human shields" against the
debris and falling bodies ascending from the World
Trade Center. There were only policemen and firemen
- -underpaid civil servants who gave their all with
nothing expected in return.
When the USS Cole was bombed, there were no movie
stars guarding the ship - - where were the human
If America's movie stars want to be human shields,
let them shield the gang-ridden streets of Los
Angeles, or New York City, let them shield the lives
of the children of North Birmingham whose mothers
lay them down to sleep on the floor each night to
shelter them from stray bullets.
If they want to be human shields, I say let them
shield the men and women of honesty and integrity
that epitomizes courage and embody the spirit of
freedom by wearing the proud uniforms of the United
States Military. Those are the people who have
earned and deserve shielding!
Throughout the course of history, this country has
remained free, not because of movie stars and
liberal activists, but because of brave men and
women who hated war too. However, they lay down
their lives so that we all may live in freedom.
After all - "What greater love hath no man, that he
lay down his life for his friend," or in this case a
We should give our military honor and
acknowledgement and not let their lives be in vain.
If you want to see true human shields, walk through
Arlington Cemetery. There lie human shields, heroes,
and the BRAVE Americans who didn't get on television
and talk about being a human shield - they were
I thank God tonight for freedom - - those who
bought and paid for it with their lives in the past
- - those who will protect it in the present and
defend it in the future.
America has remained silent too long! God-fearing
people have remained silent too long!
We must lift our voices united in an humble prayer
to God for guidance and the strength and courage to
sustain us throughout whatever the future may hold.
After the tragic events of Sept. 11th, my then
eleven -year-old son said terrorism is a war against
them and us and if you're not one of us, then you're
one of them.
So in closing tonight, let us be of one accord,
let us stand proud, and let us be the human shields
of prayer, encouragement and support for the
President, our troops and their families and our
May God bless America, the land of the free, the
home of the brave and the greatest country on the
face of this earth.
Men are like ... Laxatives ...They irritate the poop out of you.
Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ... Vacations ... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ... Blenders ... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... Coffee ... The best ones are rich, warm, &can keep you up all night long.
Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like ... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any
understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know!
Subject: EXERCISE ----- It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!
Subject: Dennis Miller on War with Iraq
TRYING TO HELP
BY DENNIS MILLER
ALL THE RHETORIC ON WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD GO TO WAR AGAINST IRAQ, HAS
GOT MY INSANE LITTLE BRAIN SPINNING LIKE A ROULETTE WHEEL. I ENJOY READING
OPINIONS FROM BOTH SIDES BUT I HAVE DETECTED A HINT OF CONFUSION FROM SOME
OF YOU. AS I WAS READING THE PAPER RECENTLY, I WAS REMINDED OF THE BEST
ADVICE SOMEONE EVER GAVE ME. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE KISS METHOD ("KEEP IT
SIMPLE, STUPID!") SO, WITH THIS AS A THEME, I'D LIKE TO APPLY THIS THEORY
WHO DON'T QUITE GET IT. MY HOPE IS THAT WE CAN SIMPLIFY THINGS A BIT AND
RECOGNIZE A FEW IMPORTANT FACTS. HERE ARE 10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN
VOICING AN OPINION ON THIS IMPORTANT ISSUE:
1) OUT OF PRESIDENT BUSH AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ... HUSSEIN IS THE BAD GUY.
2) IF YOU HAVE FAITH IN THE UNITED NATIONS TO DO THE RIGHT THING - KEEP
THIS IN MIND, THEY HAVE LIBYA HEADING THE COMMITTEE ON HUMAN RIGHTS AND
IRAQ HEADING THE GLOBAL DISARMAMENT COMMITTEE. DO YOUR OWN MATH HERE.
3) IF YOU USE GOOGLE SEARCH AND TYPE IN "FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES," YOUR
REPLY WILL BE "DID YOU MEAN FRENCH MILITARY DEFEATS?"
4) IF YOUR ONLY ANTI-WAR SLOGAN IS "NO WAR FOR OIL," SUE YOUR SCHOOL
DISTRICT FOR ALLOWING YOU TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS AND ROBBING YOU OF THE
EDUCATION YOU DESERVE.
5) SADDAM AND BIN LADEN WILL NOT SEEK UNITED NATIONS APPROVAL BEFORE THEY
TRY TO KILL US.
6) DESPITE COMMON BELIEF, MARTIN SHEEN IS NOT THE PRESIDENT. HE PLAYS ONE
7) EVEN IF YOU ARE ANTI-WAR, YOU ARE STILL AN "INFIDEL!" AND BIN LADEN
WANTS YOU DEAD, TOO.
IF YOU BELIEVE IN A "VAST RIGHTWING CONSPIRACY" BUT NOT IN THE DANGER
THAT HUSSEIN POSES, QUIT HANGING OUT WITH THE DELL COMPUTER DUDE.
9) WE ARE NOT TRYING TO LIBERATE THEM.
10) WHETHER YOU ARE FOR MILITARY ACTION OR AGAINST IT, OUR YOUNG MEN AND
WOMEN OVERSEAS ARE FIGHTING FOR US TO DEFEND OUR RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT. WE
ALL NEED TO SUPPORT THEM WITHOUT RESERVATION.
I HOPE THIS HELPS!
As the War against terrorism continues, many of us will encounter "Peace
Activists" who will try to convince us that we must refrain from
retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001.
These activists may be alone or in a gathering. Most of us do not know how
to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their
rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:
1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a
conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas.
They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people
who did this to us, we will only bring on more violence. They will
probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to
2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the
3. When the person gets up off the ground, they will be very angry and they
may try to hit you so be careful.
4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings
about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell
them if they are committed to nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks,
they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they
must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.
5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are
6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much
harder - square in the nose.
7. Repeat steps 2 - 5 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot
realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.
"Coloured". This was written by a black guy in
Texas.......so funny.....a great sense of humor!
When I born, I black. When I grow up, I black. When I
go in sun, I black. When I cold, I black. When I
scared, I black. When I sick, I black. And when I die,
I still black.
You white folks...... When you born, you pink. When
you grow up, you white. When you go in sun, you red.
When you cold, you blue. When you scared, you yellow.
When you sick, you green. When you bruised, you
purple. And when you die, you gray. So who you callin'
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