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Question for the formerly married women


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Gogirlgo
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PostPosted: 05/12/06 - 21:01    Post subject: Question for the formerly married women
If you
1. used to be married
2. took his last name
3. had children
4. are no longer married, or no longer married to him

what did you do about your last name? I'm thinking about keeping mine b/c it's the same name as my kids have and I'd like us to all be the same.

Also, when I think about returning to my former last name, it's the name of my dad, and I just don't have anything good to say about my dad.

The other option is this: I found out not that long ago that my former last name isn't exactly the family name, so if I were to switch back, I'd go for the actual name, which would be at least a little different from my dad's anyway.

Still with me? If so and you qualified under 1, 2, 3, and 4, please let me know what you think. Thanks.
JACKED UP
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PostPosted: 05/12/06 - 22:54    Post subject:
I don't qualify but I think keeping it same as the kids is a good idea. I've had friends do the same thing.
kristin31
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PostPosted: 05/12/06 - 23:24    Post subject: Re: Question for the formerly married women
Gogirlgo wrote:
If you
1. used to be married
2. took his last name
3. had children
4. are no longer married, or no longer married to him

what did you do about your last name? I'm thinking about keeping mine b/c it's the same name as my kids have and I'd like us to all be the same.

Also, when I think about returning to my former last name, it's the name of my dad, and I just don't have anything good to say about my dad.

The other option is this: I found out not that long ago that my former last name isn't exactly the family name, so if I were to switch back, I'd go for the actual name, which would be at least a little different from my dad's anyway.

Still with me? If so and you qualified under 1, 2, 3, and 4, please let me know what you think. Thanks.


Well. I took My ex-husband's last name, but went back to my family name after I got dicorced. but I had no children. It sounds good to keep the same name since you are not so close to your father, and you want things to be less disruptive for the kids.
Now I hyphenate (which is a big PITA). I do not have children.

DO what feels right for you, and what you think is best for the kids.

Good luck, whatever you decide.
Ms. Jenn
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PostPosted: 05/13/06 - 00:02    Post subject:
When I divorced my first husband, I took back my maiden name because he pissed me off and I wanted to twist the knife in his gaping open wound.

If I divorced my current husband I would keep my same last name for ease of use when doing school related activities with my daughter. I would hyphenate the former with the new if I got re-married.

My current husband's first wife kept his name for nearly 20 years before she got remarried. When she got divorced from Husband #2 briefly thought about taking my DH's name back, but felt it was just wrong.

One of the dance mom's is a first husband - second husband hyphenate, but her first husband died.
brie k
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PostPosted: 05/13/06 - 07:26    Post subject:
I considered changing my name, and discussed it with the children first, to make sure they would be ok with it. They were, but then when I knew that JM was the one, and that we'd be getting married someday, it made more sense to me to wait to change my name. And you and I have more to do than the average divorcee -- on top of credit cards, licenses, and SSN, all the kids' records, we have student loans, and school paperwork. It just seemed to me to be a monumental pain that I'd have to endure a second time eventually. So I'm still a Kramer for now.

But that's me. I am behind any woman taking back her maiden name, children or not. It is your decision, and you should not let anyone influence you. Most of my friends were not supportive of my changing my name because I had the children (Dad, however, was behind me 100%). Many kids have mom's with different last names these days, though.

Do what you need to do, bottom line.
shelee
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PostPosted: 05/13/06 - 10:25    Post subject:
I kept his name. I did it mainly because I hate going to the DMV (just kidding...I do hate going to the DMV, but that's not a good reason to keep an ex's name). Why I kept it is because it is Julie's last name and also I knew that I did want to be married again....another name change!

Now, I am getting married again and Juliet is VERY upset that our last names will be different. Poor kid. I've thought about changing her middle name to my maiden name, but I'm just positive that this idea of mine would go over so well with the ex
Noley
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PostPosted: 05/13/06 - 13:23    Post subject:
When I divorced last year I added my maiden name back to my name and hyphenated it with my married name.

My name is Marcie Maiden-Married.

I took my maiden name back due to it being something I was always proud of and missed. I also wanted my own sense of identity and not just having HIS name. He wanted me to drop his name entirely.

I kept my married name attached for now for two reasons:
1) My children: I want to share the same last name as them for now. I believe that it would confuse them if I dropped their name totally. They know I have added my maiden name, but still like that it's just about the same as theirs.

2) My job: I still go by his name there. I have to until I officially change it with Social Security...my drivers license...the Department of Ed.

I'll keep it this way for now. Sometimes it's strange to still carry his name, because I'm no longer his wife. If I ever remarry, I'll take on my new husband's name. I would not keep this one.

It's funny. I get called all three names depending where I'm at or who I'm with. I have to remember which accounts to sign with which signature as well.
j1miller
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PostPosted: 05/13/06 - 23:35    Post subject:
I have to make this decision also in the next couple of weeks.


I'm down to either keeping the name for the kids or doing what Noley did.

a) Jen Miller
b) Jen Reif-Miller

either of those.

I just don't know what I want to do.
kristin31
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PostPosted: 05/14/06 - 04:54    Post subject:
OK. Hyphenate. It's a PITA (in a tiny island town) but for professional reasons if your are known by your married and or madien name, it makes sense to keep both.

As an extreme example. Larry dies. I move back to Columbus. I am known professionally as Kristin K. in that area. I show up as Kristin T, no one knowa who the H I am. I show up as Kristin K-T, it makes sense. Gain, I do not have children, and good luck whatever you do.
genie
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PostPosted: 05/14/06 - 10:39    Post subject:
Hmm....after misreading your initial post about 3 times....I am thinking....you used to use Go Maiden Married at your last job, I think...as I recall that's how your email came up. Perhaps since you're used to that, you might think about Go Actualname Married, so that you're connected with the family you relate positively to and still retain the kids' name? I understand why you wouldn't necessarily want the married name under the circumstances, but would that be an alternative, or too confusing, because professionally you are already known as Maiden Married?

What are/were you using in law school, and aren't you in the middle of publishing something?
Soigneur
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PostPosted: 05/14/06 - 16:05    Post subject:
The paperwork is a pain in name changes - I still haven't done all of mine and its been 14 years Confused . I think keeping your married name keeps things simple for you and the kids, but are you comfortable with keeping it??

I guess one always has to be abit careful about hyphenating. I know someone who had a maiden name of Verry (comes from the French de Vere way back when). She married a guy called Savage Mr. Green .

When they got divorced, we reckoned that she just needed to meet a guy called Beagle and then she could be Mrs Verry-Savage-Beagle LOL .
Gogirlgo
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PostPosted: 05/14/06 - 18:52    Post subject:
Yeah, you're right, Genie. When I got married, my old last name became my middle name and I used all three professionally. Go Maiden Married. My actual maiden name is longer by four letters and two spaces. It's Go de la Maiden.
genie
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PostPosted: 05/14/06 - 21:10    Post subject:
Oh wow, that would be a mouthful....Go de la Maiden Married....hmmm....a bit confusing, but it would definitely keep the continuity for the Goettes and still allow you to have the connection with your professional name as you are using it now. Tough call.....

it does sound very melodic and pretty if you say it all out loud though. Smile
gretriever
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PostPosted: 05/15/06 - 11:32    Post subject:
Change 'em all to Gommando. Mr. Green
airehead
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PostPosted: 05/15/06 - 11:49    Post subject:
gretriever wrote:
Change 'em all to Gommando. Mr. Green


teehee

I don't qualify, but here's an opinion anyway, if you don't mind. Embarassed I'd keep the name which means the most to you.

When you write it down and see it on court documents, make it one that is pleasing to you and makes you proud.

Nowadays it means nothing that moms and their kids have the same last name or not.

I am very proud of my family's last name (even though my father has been a bit of a scamp). My mother carries that name and has carried it with pride and class.

Do what fits you and your tastes.

We have very little to hold onto that is actually ours -- our names are just about it.
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