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Planning on Moving to Jacksonville FLA, then read this...


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Floridaboiler
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11321
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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PostPosted: 05/16/03 - 21:54    Post subject: Planning on Moving to Jacksonville FLA, then read this...
New Jacksonville Resident Guide

1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually referred to
as "Jax."

2. You must be a Jaguar fan. It is a requirement for citizenship. Also,
you are either a Gator or a Nole. There are no other schools. It's better
to learn that sooner than later.

3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. No one pays attention to
them here. Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign
terms.

4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where Regency
Square is. It is the Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end.

5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to "the old
Pic and Save."

6. The morning rush hour is from 6 am to 10 am. The evening rush hour is
from 3 pm to 7 pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.

8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd., but they both run North and
South.

9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road,
and Post Street are all the same road.

10. On the southeast side of town, Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road
are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and
Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about
this Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and
Shad, not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South,
changes into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road. Got it?

11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit
more exciting.

12. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, single
shoes, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or
vultures feeding on any of these items.

13. The minimum acceptable speed on J Turner Butler Blvd is 75 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's
version of NASCAR.

14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you are
considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. There are really only two seasons here: Summer and January.

19. There is actually a westside high school that has a confederate battle
flag as its school flag, an image of a slave plantation owner as its
mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it. Please don't make a
fuss about it, for your own safety.

20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to double-wide.

21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan
to leave for work at 4 am and return home around 11 pm. Otherwise you may
get caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left-turn
lane".

22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9 pm, your
choices are Famous Amos and Village Inn.

23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you have
to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.

24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there will
be a whole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking.
Hooters, however, is a permanent fixture.

25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First Baptist
Church.

26. You can't drink alcohol and see topless girls at the same time. But, if
you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.

27. North Philips highway. Don't go there. Ever. Unless, of course, you
are looking for motels that charge by the hour.

28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song. Trust me on this
one.

29. If you like southern-style barbecue, you've come to the right place.
There's a restaurant on every corner. But, they all close at 9 pm.

30. Convenience stores are literally EVERYWHERE, unless you live in a
million-dollar condo downtown.
ShannonG
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PostPosted: 05/16/03 - 23:04    Post subject:
Ha! Sounds, um, cultural.
Cappy
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Posts: 27367
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 06:32    Post subject:
You should have told me this a year ago, when were driving through.
BamBam
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 07:02    Post subject: Re: Planning on Moving to Jacksonville FLA, then read this..
Quote:
1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is usually referred to
as "Jax."

2. You must be a Jaguar fan. It is a requirement for citizenship. Also,
you are either a Gator or a Nole. There are no other schools. It's better
to learn that sooner than later.


How could anyone actually do this??????? Confused




Oh my skin hurts!!!
Cappy
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Posts: 27367
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 07:06    Post subject:
Boy FB must be way out of place, being a Purdue fan
Floridaboiler
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11321
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 08:29    Post subject:
Cappy wrote:
Boy FB must be way out of place, being a Purdue fan


You got that right, why do you think I have this on my license plate:



and I have a poster up in my cell, oops excuse me my cubicle at work.
Cappy
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Joined: 16 May 2002
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Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 08:32    Post subject:
Floridaboiler wrote:
Cappy wrote:
Boy FB must be way out of place, being a Purdue fan


You got that right, why do you think I have this on my license plate:



and I have a poster up in my cell, oops excuse me my cubicle at work.


At least you drive a pickup. Wink
kattzoo
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Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3812
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
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PostPosted: 05/17/03 - 11:17    Post subject:
Your post reminded me why I was so happy to leave Florida! It's the whole noles and gators thing. They're insane. I really thought I had to vote for Spurrier every year, until I realized he was so powerful, he didn't have to be on the ballot.
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