Parents

Queenie

My father called me today. He said happy anniversary. Then he said, with a lot of hesitating and stuff, that he knows he was a crap father, but that I turned out okay anyway, and he's sorry.

He wasn't a crap father. He was a very strict father, but a good one, and, as everyone who's got a kid knows, this job is thankless and tough... so we all just do the best we can (sort of like ice skating with a paper bag over our heads) and hope we're not dementing our children.

I didn't know what to say other than to assure him repeatedly that whatever he's thinking over and regretting doesn't matter for crap, and that I love him and think very highly of him.

What gives with that? I wonder if they all do it... sit in the empty nest and regret and worry.

Sad

the kilted one

I think they all do that.

I was taking a lot of grief from my dad at one point because of making ti to the middle class (my brothers and i are the first to go to college and take professional jobs as opposed to blue collar) dad worked hard to make sure we got there, but was actually jealous when we made it. I finally had to tell him off! he's been fine ever since.

Member

I don't think my Dad feels that he didn't raise me right, but then OTOH, he really didn't raise me... he worked from 230pm to midnight or some such thing, so we never saw him. During hunting season, esp. He was much an absentee father until I hit mid-to-late teens. I never hold that against him, because I do feel he did what he felt he needed to do, and I do feel that the important things I learned, I did learn from him. I will take him to task though when he starts telling me how to raise my kids, because even though he has the benefit of hindsight, he still has no working knowledge of what it is to be a mom, and what it is to raise 3 children. I think it is far easier to be a grandparent than it is to be a parent. Not to say that I don't listen to him and value his opinions, because I do. It is just hard sometimes to listen to any person who hasn't been in my shoes.

Mother, OTOH, I still feel did it all wrong, and I know that I am not who I am because of what she did, but I know that because of her disinterest in me growing up, I'm a different type of parent, so maybe that is a good thing. I have a far better relationship with my children than she and I did, so it's all good I suppose.

My husband will definitely have regrets. He's not a very present father, doesn't even attempt to be. It makes me sad too, that the boys in particular have his example to go by, but then perhaps they will be the kind of father he wasn't. John has always said that he didn't want to be like his father, and in many ways he is not, but at least his father was there, was disciplining them, and was a part of their lives. That's better than being a shadow. Sad

Flailing Homosapiens

I had a conversation about parenting with my mother a couple of months ago, and I told her that when I am presented with a parenting challenge I try to think back and remember what my mother did.

She laughed her a$$ off and said "Don't use me as a model! I was just winging it!"

Pyromaniac

No complaints here even though I fought with the old man constantly as a kid and we still can't stand being in the same room together for more than a couple of hours. At least now we're smart enough to know when it's time for one or the other to go home.... He's still po'd I didn't finish college and become an engineer. He introduced me to the great outdoors - took me fishing, hunting and camping and did his best to spend some time with me.

My mom has always been there for me despite my hell raising as a youth and she's been a great grandma to my kids.

Parents

LIFEFORM SOCIAL COMMUNITY NETWORK