Not poll: gender based differences in sexual harrassment
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genie
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 Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:38 Post subject: Not poll: gender based differences in sexual harrassment
Hmmm...this could be an interesting dissertation topic!
Prompted by some discussion over the currently ongoing PURR contest, I decided to open the floor for discussion. JJ made an interesting, I thought, comment in Maddie's son post and I'd love to hear others' thoughts on the subject.
| Quote: | | why is it okay for wimmin these days to get their "jollies" with hunk-fests, but a guy might say "happy hump day" and be worried about harrassment? |
Lotta fuel for comment here, folks, what say you? I personally think society has its own double standard as to how things like this are regarded, and despite my feminist leanings, I do have to stay that the dudes get the short end of the stick on this one. Granted, it's been the male flesh pigs in the past who have ruined it for the ones who are not meaning anything but fubby by making a comment like the one above, so I can certainly see where the standards come from, but it seems to be a blanket being thrown over the heads of everyone with a penis as opposed to being looked at individually, as I feel cases should be.
Thoughts?
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copteacher
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:46 Post subject:
being a white male means being the reciepient of all of societies double standards. I have to pay for years of what the white dudes in the past have done. I am still waiting for the pendelum to swing back to the middle ground now.
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jrjo
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:49 Post subject:
Can a 21st century MAN actually say he's "offended" or maybe even "harrassed"? Society finds it easy for women to be "victims" but a man's man isn't suppose to? It is a double standard. There's no difference between Orlando pinups and Pamela pinups. The pendulum doesn't need to swing all the way for prior generations of women putting up with harrassment that now men need to.
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jrjo
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:49 Post subject:
Joe... scary how close we're thinkin' today
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genie
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:50 Post subject:
Edited to add: us too, I just posted to have you bring that over. Here are my thoughts on that part:
This brings up a whole 'nother set of issues for discussion, that whole "males are supposed to be tough guys and not victims" thing....a particular beef of my roomie's after he did some research for me on domestic abuse for a wimmins network project I was heading, and found that male abuse is way more prevalent than people think, as in men being abused.
But, are YOU gonna call the cops and say your wife beat the crap out of you? It's way underreported for the reasons you just stated.
Last edited by genie on 08/29/03 - 09:52; edited 1 time in total
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jrjo
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:50 Post subject:
| genie wrote: | | JJ, bring that last comment you made in the other thread over here, that's part of this whole issue. |
...just brought it over 
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Cappy
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:58 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | being a white male means being the reciepient of all of societies double standards. I have to pay for years of what the white dudes in the past have done. I am still waiting for the pendelum to swing back to the middle ground now. |
Yeah that!
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genie
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 09:58 Post subject:
I've also always felt.....man, this tree is branching out quickly.....that on the subject of pinups and porn mags, etc, that while they're directed primarily at men (weren't there strippers before there were Chippendales?) it's not necessarily because men are pigs, it's because the old Victorian standard for women was that we were not supposed to actually like sex or anything involved with it, only the "bad" girls actually got into it. Everyone else was simply supposed to do it for the sake of reproduction, not because it felt good. I think while we've made a huge inroad in that standard today, it still exists to some point, and that could be connected to some of this also.
I remember when we had a post over at CR a long time ago which started with one of the guys complaining about how his wife did not like sex, and others chiming in with similar attitudes, that those of us over there brave enough to bring in the other POV were shocked to see how few of us there really are who not only get into it, but aren't afraid to admit we like it. As far as we've come in the past 100 years or so, we've got a long way to go, baby. There's no argument to the historical POV that women were, in the past, and to some extent today, made victims, or at the very least submissives, in the sexual arena, but what burns my biscuits is how women are looked at today who "act like guys" when it comes to sex. Like that's necessarily a bad thing? 
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copteacher
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:06 Post subject:
<ducking for cover>G that may be the case about sex
but sex to men is like "connecting emotionally/talking" for the wimmins.
</ducking for cover>
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TriBob
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:06 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | being a white male means being the reciepient of all of societies double standards. I have to pay for years of what the white dudes in the past have done. I am still waiting for the pendelum to swing back to the middle ground now. |
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elkid
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:12 Post subject:
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brie k
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:15 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | <ducking for cover>G that may be the case about sex
but sex to men is like "connecting emotionally/talking" for the wimmins.
</ducking for cover> |
I think that is a very accurate statement, at least as far as my hubby is concerned. Nothing like a good long "talk" several times a week, and even a couple times a day... 
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brie k
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:27 Post subject:
I'm very shocked at the number of my girlfriends who do not like sex. I know they're not lying to me either, since heaven knows we're very frank and honest with one another. I thank my lucky stars EVERY DAY that hubby and I have no issues in that department. I initiate it as much as he does, and NEVER say no when he initiates.
As far as the double standards issue, I agree that they exist, and I agree that it's not fair to punish any group of people based on behavior of some in said group. It's a crock to say that if a guy likes t&a, he's a perv, just like it's a crock to say that if a woman initiates sex or likes to look at pecs or male members that she's a slut/whore/freak, whatever.
I also have to say that honestly, doesn't every rational person know by now that Wed. is hump day? What is the big friggin' deal?
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jrjo
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:28 Post subject:
| elkid wrote: | | Boo hoo hoo, the poor white male - you have it sooo rough. |
So because I'm white and male, I get no say?
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AlaninTX
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Posted: 08/29/03 - 10:28 Post subject:
Speaking for myself, I am quite sure no one has ever used my name and sexual harrasement in the same sentence. When I was a young man I thought I was just shy. Now that I am older I realize that accepting certain standards of conduct for myself made me feel the most comfortable. A good rule of thumb for myself now is "Would you want someone to say or suggest that to your 18-year-old daughter?" It isn't so much that I am, or was, the "shy, sweet guy" as it is having to live with myself.
And perhaps I have lived a charmed life, but I have never felt any double standard has ever applied to me based on my race and gender. I have been denied nothing, and allowed to achieve based on my abilities. But then, I have always strived to make my judgements on people based on their character and ability, and have assumed the same has been extended to myself. If I am mistaken, it has yet to impact me in any meaningful way.
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I bet that the American black male 
