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brie k
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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 Posted: 08/19/04 - 07:57 Post subject: My spouse is a jerk! w/ new response from him. help!
venting here. I'm just disgusted and p'd off.
He knows that I cannot have any of his inheritance. So rather than be a good guy and give me just a little (seriously, a little) for some security for his 3 children he supposedly loves, he is going to give me nothing and now I have to retain a lawyer just to get what I am legally entitled to (half the equity in the house, half his 401k, child support and alimony).
He thinks we're filing jointly this year, and was upset when I told him that wouldn't happen. If we do, I will lose my financial aid ability since we will file a great deal of money, so I cannot do that, since we KNOW he won't foot the bill for a year of college.
This is insane, really. He's going to get this boatload of money and only himself, I'm going to have the children, and I get nothing. I'm not saying that I should get a large sum, but it just seems cruel that he doesn't have to pay us more. I know 4 people can live on 1200/month, but just barely, and if anything major happens, we're gonna be screwed.
I'm just so mad. Now I cannot even pack and get ready to go back home because I have no idea how long this is going to take through legal channels. This also probably means that I cannot hold the apartment we found in Terre Haute, and I likely won't be able to get the ball rolling to start on campus in January.
Anyhoo. It just seems very unfair that I sacrifice my marketability to stay home with our children for 10 years (which I have been happy to do, don't get me wrong) and he gets to walk away with his girlfriend and not have to do more than this. I know his mother would want him to take care of us. She wouldn't want the children to suffer any more than absolutely necessary (brought on by their parents divorcing, I mean).
<sigh>
Last edited by brie k on 08/19/04 - 14:11; edited 1 time in total
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gretriever
Hipster Doofus
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Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 08:03 Post subject:
So sorry, Brie. Again, it shows how hard it is to understand why people do the things they do.
I hope he gets a dose if reality - i.e., realise that regardless of his status with you, he is still their father. With all the privileges and responsibilites that come with that.
For you... 
Last edited by gretriever on 08/19/04 - 08:17; edited 1 time in total
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 08:13 Post subject:
That's what lawyers are for.
/paging Thegman
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 08:21 Post subject:
Defintely get a lawyer as possible. He has a responsibility to uphold
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 08:34 Post subject:
This really sucks, brie.....I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. As I'm sure many of us have found, myself included, it sucks royally to put your trust and emotional investment in someone because you truly care about them, only to find out they really aren't who you thought they were. It's even more of a kick in the ass when we're willing to make such great sacrifices to be with them, like you did. Often makes me wonder if they're just having a good frigging laugh at our naive stupidity, ya know? 
It's his loss, baby--you gave him everything you possibly could and still that wasn't enough. He's the one with the problem, and I agree with everyone else, you do need to go find a lawyer ASAP and get what you deserve here. You're right, no need to be vengeful and take him to the cleaners, but he has a responsibility to those kids and you have every right to demand that he upholds it. You know we're here for ya, sweetie....
{{{{{Brie}}}}}
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mickeyvw98
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Joined: 03 Jun 2004
Posts: 2010
Location: Upstate NY
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 08:37 Post subject:
 on the get a lawyer!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:01 Post subject:
Brie:
Lets get some things going here:
First off: Get a really really good lawyer. You say he has a sizeable inheritance ? Well, looks like some of it will go for lawyer's fees. (Most of it if he continues fighting)
Married 10 years ? Well, it seems likely you should share in 10 years' worth of inheritance growth...(Or whatever legal term) Get your lawyer to negotiate tuition payments too.
You do have a stake, because of FEDERAL laws, and a right to 10 years worth of his 401K, retirement income and whatever assets you accumulated jointly.
Remember the words of Ivana Trump:
Don't get mad... get everything.
PS I have no mercy to a STBX who acts like he thinks he has no further responsibilities.
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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:22 Post subject:
Sounds to me like he needs a nice, strong cup of GROW THE F*CK UP.
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keltic63
the kilted one
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Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:35 Post subject:
| Maddie's Wench wrote: |
Sounds to me like he needs a nice, strong cup of GROW THE F*CK UP. |
yes he does!
and don't be afraid to use that Lawyer Brie!
I can also tell you that things do get better. it takes a lot of time, and you're just at the beginning.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:36 Post subject:
Is he planning on moving back to Indiana, too?
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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:47 Post subject:
Brie:
Just wanted to add one more thing:
Sounds like HIS lawyer is using the "She's in a hurry and will sign anyting" tactic. You can combat this very easily. Put ALL your moving and college plans on indefinite hold until this is settled. The college will understand. Losing the deposit on the apartment ? Well guess who's paying that one...
Its YOUR RIGHTS and the care of YOUR KIDS we're talking about here...
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sonnylax
Member
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Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Posts: 2942
Location: Living in a lollipop and unicorn world
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 09:49 Post subject:
Sorry to hear this brie. Definitely secure the services of a good divorce lawyer. With my limited experience with lawyers, you get what you pay for in that department. 
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crazyfrog
Kermitologist
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Joined: 31 May 2003
Posts: 7610
Location: atlanta
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 10:18 Post subject:
| Maddie's Wench wrote: |
Sounds to me like he needs a nice, strong cup of GROW THE F*CK UP. |
and to everythting already said here. hugs to you and the kids....
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omega lambda
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 10:59 Post subject:
What Andyp and Maddie said x 1023.
Good luck.
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TriBob
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Posts: 5771
Location: Lost in Transition
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Posted: 08/19/04 - 11:29 Post subject:
Sorry Brie.
Get out and handle things from a distance if you can.
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