|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 07/26/04 - 10:56 Post subject: My husband moved out yesterday.
Just a vent here, I need to get it all out. I'm happy/mad/angry/scared etc.
We've had a hard time since we moved to Charlotte. I've suspected him of having an affair, and this woman (whom he brought with us) has been a huge source of angst for me. That's probably being mild. Things did get better for a time, but then I found out that they went out to a bar, alone, again, and that was that.
Most of you know about the windfall of money from MIL's passing. I decided that since John does what John wants, I can do what I want, and I am going to have some plastic surgery done on the 6th. I've paid for it, and it's a done deal. And didn't even cost that much. Not really. All I'm getting is what I didn't get when I hit puberty, LOL. I'm not asking for support or even understanding, just explaining that this is likely John's excuse for leaving. He's wanted to leave before, we've just never been in the position to pay for two households... now we are, and this is great timing for him. I've done something "bad" and now he can justifiably leave.
So I'm glad that he is gone because our marriage is in a shambles and I've been a wreck. I'm sad because we've been together for 13 years and it seems like such a waste. I love him. I do love him, but I just cannot tolerate his relationship with this woman. Him taking her out for dinner and drinks, him not doing anything with me. I'm not perfect, but I am a good wife. I give him everything he wants, except license to have a girlfriend.
I'm just in a state, somewhat, feeling guilty for putting my kid's well-being in jeapordy, and also for allowing this to go on for so long. It's like a double-edged sword. It seems like no matter what happens, I'm not doing the right thing. I know I deserve to be happy, and I know I deserve someone who will love me and that I am better off without him. But I worry about the price we will all pay. It's all very scary.
Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a hard couple months, and it looks like it may get harder before it gets easier. <sigh>
|
|
|
|
|
gretriever
Hipster Doofus
|
|
|
Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:02 Post subject:
Brie, I'm so sorry. Anything that we can do for you, please let us know.
|
|
|
|
|
rolling rock
The Pinball
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:02 Post subject: Re: My husband moved out yesterday.
| brie k wrote: | . I know I deserve to be happy, and I know I deserve someone who will love me and that I am better off without him. But I worry about the price we will all pay. It's all very scary.
Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a hard couple months, and it looks like it may get harder before it gets easier. <sigh> |
yes Brie, you deserve to be happy; so glad you can realize that at this really difficult time.
really sorry  this is happening but have faith that you've done the right thing. i'd worry more about the price you'd all pay if he hadn't left.
|
|
|
|
|
keltic63
the kilted one
|
|
|
Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:04 Post subject:
I'm really sorry to hear that. I think you're right about things getting worse before they get better, but things DO get better. it may have been a tough decision for him, and one that was forced on you, but you have the chance now to start all over. this could be a very good thing for you. and like my therapist has said "there were 2 people in that marriage!" You can't be the one who is totally responsible. (easier said than done, but true nonetheless)
|
|
|
|
|
Sahara
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 3345
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:05 Post subject: Re: My husband moved out yesterday.
Wishing you strength and resolve. My limited wisdom that likely won't mean a thing for you today but may help sometime...
o It's kind of like childbirth, pain with a purpose. I vaguely remember the pain itself and remember the whole experience.
o Affairs don't happen to couples without problems.
o You do deserve to be happy.
o Children deserve to have an example of a good relationship, not dysfunctional marriage.
|
|
|
|
|
coachmarkos
my boys could swim
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:12 Post subject:
sorry to hear that brie.
thoughts and prayers coming your way.
|
|
|
|
|
HYPERASHEL
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 15397
Location: The South's Sauna, Atlanta
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:22 Post subject:
Sorry Brie to hear this. You do deserve to be happy as well and living in a constant state of stress. it's not healthy physically or mentally. I wish you the best. This well all could be for a very good reason. it is too bad something like this has happenned to you. i always thought of you (and still do) as a very kind, loving and caring person.
|
|
|
|
|
genie
Master of Prissface
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:27 Post subject: Re: My husband moved out yesterday.
| Sahara wrote: |
o Children deserve to have an example of a good relationship, not dysfunctional marriage. |
Absolutely well put, Sahara....as well as the other comments, but I remember saying this to you when we talked before, Brie. Things may change financially for you, on a temporary basis, but you're a good enough mother that your children won't starve, or go without anything they need, and honestly, as much as this hurts.....and really sucks...YOU being healthy and happy is going to be far better for them than all the "stuff" they may or may not be getting after the split. Seriously--I've worked with kids for a long time, and they really do internalize what they live. I know it would break your heart if Libby got into this same situation when she was older.
It's too soon to realize this, sweetie...but you're well rid of him. I thought she was supposed to have gone back to IN a long time ago?
|
|
|
|
|
Gogirlgo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 25 Jul 2002
Posts: 4777
Location: No deal, stalker.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:37 Post subject:
Sorry to hear of it, Brie.
I think it will become slightly less scary when it becomes more familiar to be on your own.
Also, although I didn't know it at the time, my father's leaving was the thing that ensured we had a happy childhood.
|
|
|
|
|
robp
Pyromaniac
|
|
|
Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16242
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:39 Post subject:
Sorry to hear it Brie. I've been thru this recently also and life is going to really suck for a while. But it's also going to improve. You will weather the storm and be a stronger person for it. I know this doesn't help much right now but I've been thru it and so have a few people here and some other friends of mine. Keep your head up and dont' give an inch.
|
|
|
|
|
cherylpf
crazy cat lady
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 17305
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:45 Post subject: Re: My husband moved out yesterday.
Prayers for you and your family Brie.
I agree with this
| Sahara wrote: | | o Children deserve to have an example of a good relationship, not dysfunctional marriage. |
I just recently read in some psych journal about research done on children in dysfunctional marriages that stayed together despite problems, and children of stable single parent families, and despite the common belief that a two parent household is the best way, its not the best way if poor examples are being set for the kids. In the study, all the kids of single parent households did better than those whose dead beat spouse or spouse with socially disordered behaviors stuck around 'for the kids'.
Good luck to you
|
|
|
|
|
kristin31
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 11:56 Post subject:
I'm sorry to hear about this, but it sounds like you've made the right decision for you and the children. You're right; you deserve to be loved and be happy.
I wish you luck. This is a hard process, but it DOES get better (trust me on this), and you've taken the biggest, and most difficult step towards your new life. Take care of yourself, and be strong.
|
|
|
|
|
RangerG
Bounty Hunter
|
|
|
Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Posts: 7301
Location: Gmail Server Number 126
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 12:21 Post subject:
Hope everything works out for ya. I too have been thru this. I am much better off now than I have been for the last 25 years. Remember that running is a great way to deal with that empty pit feeling you are experiencing. You may even shed a few tears as you are running down the road...I know I did. The folks here are a great support group, and of course ya know that MW and I will be here for ya too.
It will get better...I know that is hard to see now, but it will. You have control of your own life now. At least you do not have to learn to pay bills, do wash, and cook...like I did 
RG
|
|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 12:25 Post subject: Re: My husband moved out yesterday.
| genie wrote: | | I thought she was supposed to have gone back to IN a long time ago? |
Well, she was going to leave. They took her off salary (demoted basically) after Christmas, but then his other assistant left the dept in March and she got her salary back at that time. So she is still here.
Thanks everyone for the support. It is so much appreciated. I know this is a good thing in my head, but my heart hurts.
|
|
|
|
|
JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
|
|
|
Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 07/26/04 - 12:29 Post subject:
| gretriever wrote: | | Brie, I'm so sorry. Anything that we can do for you, please let us know. |
 and
|
|
|
|
