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MM
Member
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Joined: 04 Apr 2003
Posts: 611
Location: Next door to Crazy Mary
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 Posted: 05/31/06 - 08:32 Post subject: Monkey business
I once saw an ad for 1,000 monkeys for only $5 each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and bought all 1,000.
It was pretty cool at first. They were great conversation starters, and the chicks seemed to dig the fact that I had 1,000 monkeys. Plus, they amused me by punching each other in the genitals. Then they started punching me in the genitals.
Then I found out why they were so cheap. They all died. All 1,000 of them.
That raised a problem. What do I do with 1,000 dead monkeys? I tried putting them in the freezer, but only 4 would fit. I tried flushing them down the toilet, but the first 2 clogged it up. I tried baking them in the oven, but the first 3 caused a terrible odor. So I took the remaining 991 monkeys in the back yard, started a fire, and threw them in. However, the fire dept. showed up and put the fire out.
So I had 4 frozen dead monkeys, 2 wet dead monkeys, 3 baked dead monkeys, and 991 charred dead monkeys.
I still had no idea what to do with them. I tried selling them to a pet store, but they had no interest in dead frozen, wet, or baked monkeys. I didn't bother asking about the charred ones. The zoo turned me away cold.
Finally, I decided to give them away as Christmas gifts. The frozen ones went to Uncle Charlie. The wet monkeys went to Aunt Kate. The baked ones went to my cousins. I gave all 991 charred monkeys to my neighbor, Crazy Mary. They pretended they liked them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
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