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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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 Posted: 03/29/05 - 13:29 Post subject:
After 27 years (28 in April) all I can say is the first 5 are a pleasant memory.
You have good times and bad. Roll with the punches and above all - Don't sweat the small stuff.
The number one rule for married bliss:
Remember the five year rule: If you are about to get into a discussion ask yourself - what will this mean in five years ? If it is important it will mean something, otherwise it ain't worth it.
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 13:39 Post subject:
i think the first seven years of our married life could be categorized as bliss. complete and total bliss, ecstasy, whatever....i believe it really set a firm foundation for the bumps in the road ahead; and there were bumps. 
biggest titantic in a relationship---expectations. LOSE THEM. everybody walks down the aisle with such stars in their eyes; it's a fantasy and i believe it's downright dangerous  everybody expects marriage to be this perfect walk in paradise. everybody expects their spouse to be the perfect human being. quit expecting things and work on accepting things. look inward to make changes cuz you aren't ever ever ever ever in a gazillion years gonna change anybody else.
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 13:40 Post subject:
| MastrBrewr wrote: | | Just more ammo for me to rationalize NOT getting married. Hey Ang, got a sec? |
ME TOO!
Will you not marry me? 
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 14:52 Post subject:
Melissa's advice to not listen to timeframes: SPOT ON!!!
Andy's advice on the five year rule: EXCELLENT!!!
RR's advice on losing expectations: PERFECT!!!!
Your marriage is made up of two totally different individuals and circumstances and backgrounds. Your marriage can't and shouldn't ever be compared to anyone else's. It can't. (not that you are) But every marriage has it's ups and downs and good and bad depending on what's going on and how the two involved deal with issues. Do they turn to one another or turn away? Do they discuss or sweep it under the carpet? Are they petty and vindictive or are they loving and forgiving?
One thing Mr Aire and I have seen kill marriages around us: SELFISHNESS. One partner wanting "theirs" and never once considering their spouse's needs--even in the smallest daily things.
Last edited by airehead on 03/29/05 - 15:01; edited 1 time in total
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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Posts: 11286
Location: The Dark Side of the Moon
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 14:58 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | Melissa's advice to not listen to timeframes: SPOT ON!!!
Andy's advice on the five year rule: EXCELLENT!!!
RR's advice on losing expectations: PERFECT!!!!
Your marriage is made up of two totally different individuals and circumstances and backgrounds. Your marriage can't and shouldn't ever be compared to anyone else's. It can't. (not that you are) But every marriage has it's ups and downs and good and bad depending on what's going on and how the two involved deal with issues. Do they turn to one another or turn away? Do they discuss or sweep it under the carpet? Are they petty and vindictive or are they loving and forgiving?
One thing Mr Aire and I have seen kill marriages around us: SELFISHNESS. One partner wanting "theirs" and never once considering their spouse's needs--even in the smallest daily things. |
Thank you. You had me at kill.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:03 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | | Your marriage is made up of two totally different individuals and circumstances and backgrounds. |
Unless you're from Kentucky.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:07 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: |
Unless you're from Kentucky. |
Well, yeah. I thought that was a given.
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spongebob
Former FFL Champion
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:28 Post subject:
When someone from Georgia makes fun of Kentucky, even people from Mississippi laugh a little.
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
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Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:31 Post subject:
| Runner X wrote: | | When someone from Georgia makes fun of Kentucky, even people from Mississippi laugh a little. |
As long as you keep it to yourselves.... 
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:32 Post subject:
| Runner X wrote: | | When someone from Georgia makes fun of Kentucky, even people from Mississippi laugh a little. |
*snort*
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thecatspajamas
kooky dame
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Joined: 15 Mar 2005
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Location: The Back Of The Pack
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 15:43 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | | Your marriage can't and shouldn't ever be compared to anyone else's. It can't. (not that you are) |
Actually, I have a big problem with this. I especially compare our marriage to my hub's brother's. Him and his seemingly perfect little wife still have stars in their eyes. I know that no one knows EVERYTHING that goes on behind closed doors, but I see them all the time and they practically ALWAYS hold hands or link arms and smile and get along.[quote
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brie k
Member
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Location: where the wild things are
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 17:06 Post subject:
| thecatspajamas wrote: |
Actually, I have a big problem with this. I especially compare our marriage to my hub's brother's. Him and his seemingly perfect little wife still have stars in their eyes. I know that no one knows EVERYTHING that goes on behind closed doors, but I see them all the time and they practically ALWAYS hold hands or link arms and smile and get along. |
It is hard not to do it. But it is just like you said. You just don't know how they are when they're alone. Everyone thought (and his cow-workers still think) that Kramer was the greatest husband and father, because when we were out, we looked like that couple. But truthfully, he sucked at both. I'm not just saying that because we're separated either. I was not perfect, but Lord knows I tried to be a good wife. At some point, John stopped trying, or would try sporadically. Truth is, he just didn't love me like people who will last love each other.
What is very funny (not ha-ha) is that I just returned from the grocery store with Jacob. While looking at strawberries, a woman asks me "if you've been together 5 years, you just "know" that it's time to get married, right?" Seriously, just blurted that out. We talked for about 15 minutes. I said much of what you've been advised. Marriage just isn't a self-sustaining thing, and you both have to want it to work. Just one person trying as hard as s/he can cannot keep it together.
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 17:44 Post subject:
| thecatspajamas wrote: |
Actually, I have a big problem with this. I especially compare our marriage to my hub's brother's. Him and his seemingly perfect little wife still have stars in their eyes. [quote |
You should never compare your marriage to anyone else's. Its YOUR marriage, you do it the way its comfortable for YOU.
I remember a small pamphlet put out by the Army about customs and courtesies in the Army. One chapter talked about the "perfect" Army wife. How she could whip up a five course meal for twenty in a half hour. How her kids were always perfectly clean and dressed. The house was spotless. She was on five or six commitees and so on. The last line read: "Rumor has it her husband can't stand her either"
Last edited by andydp on 03/29/05 - 22:02; edited 1 time in total
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MechEngDropout
Member
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 17:48 Post subject:
| brie k wrote: | | What is very funny (not ha-ha) is that I just returned from the grocery store with Jacob. While looking at strawberries, a woman asks me "if you've been together 5 years, you just "know" that it's time to get married, right?" Seriously, just blurted that out. We talked for about 15 minutes. I said much of what you've been advised. Marriage just isn't a self-sustaining thing, and you both have to want it to work. Just one person trying as hard as s/he can cannot keep it together. |
Thanks for the warning, I'll scratch strawberries off of my list.
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Kimba90
Member
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Posted: 03/29/05 - 19:47 Post subject:
I think I listened more to my husband the first five years. Or so. Now I just do whatever I want, whether he objects or not. For example. Running my first marathon. He was really against that. So I just ignored him. Now he has come around that I really like my running and is okay with it.
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