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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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 Posted: 09/15/04 - 21:02 Post subject: Lessons People Learn from a Hurricane
Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.
No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't
work without electricity.
Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game
controller in their hand.
Cats are even more irritating without power.
He who has the biggest generator wins.
Women can actually survive without doing their hair--you
just wish they weren't around you.
A new method of non-lethal torture-showers without hot water.
There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.
TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.
One day at a time, brother.
A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser to a drinkable
temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey
frozen for 8 more hours.
There are a lot of trees around here.
Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were
seriously wrong.
Contrary to most Florida roads natives' beliefs, speed limit
on roads without traffic lights does not increase.
Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is
definitely not required.
"Just because you're 35 doesn't mean you can stay out as
late as you want." At least that's what the cops told me
during a curfew stop.
Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14
generators.
People will get into a line that has already formed without having
any idea what the line is for.
When required, a Lincoln Continental will float--doesn't steer well,
but floats just the same.
Some things do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.
Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.
Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long
as the battery remains charged.
27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than
you, and they are quick to point that out!
Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.
If my store sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and generators,
I'd be rich.
The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.
Your water front property can quickly become someone
else's fishing hole.
Tree service companies are under appreciated.
I learned what happens when you make fun of another state's blackout.
MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals
30% higher electric bill?
Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it's worthless.
I can walk a lot farther than I thought
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kristin31
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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Posted: 09/16/04 - 14:08 Post subject:
Also, if you, in a mad rush, take all of your photos, important files, CDs, vintage coats/good clothing (that you can never wear down here, I miss my clothes!) over to a neighbor's "hurricane-proof" home, it will start to rain as you're carrying them in. Then, no hurricane will come anyway, and that's all of the rain that you will get for the next week.
(Not that I wanted a hurricane to come. But it's a pain in the ass.)
All the locals do the same. Then they go to one of three open bars and get hammered.
The local "grocery" will pull out flashlights, batteries, etc and raise the price about 100%.
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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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Posted: 09/04/06 - 21:02 Post subject:
Subject: Hurricane Season In Florida]
An oldie but goodie..............
To: All former Floridians, current Floridians, future Floridians,
and/or anyone who knows a Floridian.
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you’re going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some
radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If
you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to
prepare for
the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."
Based on our experiences, we recommend you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at
least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness
items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as
your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built , and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area
that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might
be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
insurance business in the first place.
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house.
And, at any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the
windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages.
(1) Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them
yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them
yourself, they will fall off.
(2) Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well,
once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your
hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
(3) Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to
use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is you will
have to sell your house to pay for them.
HURRICANE PROOFING Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check
your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio
furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these
items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have
one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects
into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have
an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a
low-lying area, look at your driver's license -- if it says "Florida", you live in a
low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being
trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a
gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred
thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of
supplies. But don't buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait
until the last possible minute, and only then do you go to the supermarket so
you
can join
in vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
(1) 23 flashlights.
(2) At least $167 worth of batteries (which will turn out, when the
power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights).
(3) Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows
what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
(4) A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
(5) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be
useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
(6) A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask
anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be
irate alligators.)
(7) $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes,
you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws
near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by
turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right
next to the ocean who will tell you, over and over, how vitally important it
is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise!
Those of you who aren't here yet -- you should come. Really!
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Glad you are ok though
