Language in the workplace

Saccharomyces cerevisiae

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with
co-workers. Therefore, list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING"
phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and
information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:

I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:

She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF:

She's a ball-busting b__ch.

3) TRY SAYING:

Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF:

And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF:

No f______ way.

5) TRY SAYING:

Really?

INSTEAD OF:

You've got to be sh__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING:

Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF:

Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING:

I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:

It's not my f_cking problem.

8 ) TRY SAYING:

That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF:

What the f_ck ?

9) TRY SAYING:

I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:

This sh_t won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:

I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:

Why the h___ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:

He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:

He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING:

Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF:

Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING:

So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:

Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING:

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:

F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING:

I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:

Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING:

I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF:

This job s__ks.

17) TRY SAYING:

You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:

He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF:

He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Management

Pyromaniac

We don't use the progressive language in this department... fortunately we are all foul mouthed so nobody gets upset.

AZhat

You'd never believe it...but I don't use one ounce of foul language at my work. Imagine that.

my boys could swim

those are funny. Mr. Green

I don't use foul language when there is anyone around to hear might.

I might when there is no one around, though.

Puppy Love!

Thank you for that! I just emailed to to my co-workers!

Flailing Homosapiens

But sometimes, the only thing that gets her attention is a good ol' fashioned f-bomb.

Fresh, Hot & Wild

Member

We just add "no offense" to the end of all our insults. That erases all liability automatically.

"Are you a f'ing idiot? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard!! No offense."

PRESIDENT

Hipster Doofus

When a claimant (or potential claimant) uses profanity to go after a claims taker, the profanity/-ies can be entered into the record so far as quoting the claimant is concerned. No (expletive), no ----, the whole word or words go into the record. And there's nothing mangement can do about it. Mr. Green

Member

We've got one guy at work who will say anything in front of customers.

Including, but not limited to, "Wow, that's a really ugly baby."

Look at me!!! ©

Language in the workplace

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