|
|
|
|
coachmarkos
my boys could swim
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 01/08/04 - 10:12 Post subject: Is Nothing as it Seems?
like the Pearl Jam song.
The whole 80's/90's thread got me thinking...
Ever feel some way about someone without knowing them, and then once you get to know them and/or their story, you change your mind.
Like Vanilla Ice. (This is what got me going) I hated, hated, HATED this guy when he was popular. Then, when I saw his VH1 "Behind the Music". I actually felt bad for him. Here was a young guy who got forced into a bunch of stuff he couldn't stop.
Wouldn't we all be better off giving people the benefit of the doubt?
Or is this the rural, small town, person in me?
I don't know. I don't know much anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
MastrBrewr
Saccharomyces cerevisiae
|
|
|
Joined: 24 Sep 2003
Posts: 6974
Location: outside
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 10:18 Post subject:
Ditto on the Vanilla Ice thing.
I try to give people benefit of the doubt, but sometimes I just can't. At least my southern, rural upbringin' won't let me say anything bad about people unless they directly p!ss me off.
But definitely, sometimes all is not as it seems.
|
|
|
|
|
Running Brewer
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 12 Oct 2004
Posts: 3872
Location: Santa Poco
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 10:22 Post subject:
A friend of mine what to HS with V. Ice. From what I heard he was a major a$$hole. I wouldn't feel too bad for him. 
|
|
|
|
|
gretriever
Hipster Doofus
|
|
|
Joined: 16 Jul 2003
Posts: 19385
Location: A moving target in a firing range.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 10:29 Post subject:
No, you have the right idea, coach. It's the "there for but for the grace of God..." concept.
|
|
|
|
|
Gogirlgo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 25 Jul 2002
Posts: 4777
Location: No deal, stalker.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 11:17 Post subject:
When we give the benefit of the doubt, we're making "them" "us" which is a lot easier and more peaceful.
|
|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 11:44 Post subject:
It is surely better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I know that I don't always -- if ever -- give a good first impression, but it's nice that not everyone holds that against me.
It's just like how I'm trying to bring up my children: we give everyone the benefit of the doubt, don't look at their outsides, but their insides. It takes time to get to know the heart of a person, and we should all try to get to know people before we write them off.
It is ok, though, to decide after a time if people are or are not worth your energy. I'm not saying that forgiveness is bad, but I think there comes a point where you have to decide if you want to be in the company of toxic people.
It's like this business with Steff. Maybe the two of us are just not compatible. There are people we meet who don't bring out the best in us. Maybe she's that for me, and maybe I'm that for her?
I think your post says a lot about you. I like what it says. 
|
|
|
|
|
airehead
Oompa Loofah
|
|
|
Joined: 12 Nov 2002
Posts: 18788
Location: Between here and eternity...
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 11:51 Post subject:
I tend to do that when someone hurts me or pisses me off. I look at the person--and realistically judge: "Are they the type of person who intentionally seeks to hurt or cause anger?" More than likely they aren't--so I try to think that there are other more benign, innocent reasons they have done something to hurt/offend. (like a bad fight with the spouse, a bad day at work, life is too busy, etc)
In other words, like you said Coach, give the person the benefit of the doubt.
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 15:06 Post subject:
You all are so nice! I agree that we don't always know what is going on behind the scenes. Unless someone deliberately hurts me, then I try to give them every chance. There are people I just don't care for, sometimes without a good reason, but I still treat them with kindness and respect because that's the way it should be. (I don't socialize or take them to lunch, but I'm not rude or hateful either)
|
|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/08/04 - 15:11 Post subject:
| Running Brewer wrote: | | A friend of mine what to HS with V. Ice. From what I heard he was a major a$$hole. I wouldn't feel too bad for him. |
Yeah, but many people who are good people now were not necessarily good people when they were younger. I was a real piece of work when I was 16, and mother continues to hold that behavior against me, even though at 33 I am nothing like my 16yo self, for better (irresponsible, lacking common sense) or worse (carefree, not cynical). We do have to allow that a lot of people do mature and turn into beautiful souls.
|
|
|
|
