|
|
|
|
cherylpf
crazy cat lady
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 17305
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 09/03/03 - 09:47 Post subject: In time for the beginning of football season
straight from email: Southern Football! and if this isn't the truth, I don't know what is 
Another reason why the South is great! Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different from up North. For those who are planning a football trip in the South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance by the Dave Matthews Band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.
|
|
|
|
|
copteacher
Adjunct
|
|
|
Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 09:54 Post subject:
awesome. The south loves their football.
|
|
|
|
|
pokychick
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 5640
Location: City of Dis
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 09:56 Post subject:
so true
|
|
|
|
|
coachmarkos
my boys could swim
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 09:58 Post subject:
I thought it was funny, but having never lived in the south, I probably didn't like it as much as y'all do.
|
|
|
|
|
cherylpf
crazy cat lady
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 17305
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 10:08 Post subject:
| coachmarkos wrote: | | I thought it was funny, but having never lived in the south, I probably didn't like it as much as y'all do. |
Its not so much funny as it is dead on accurate.  And I'm speaking from experience with a school that basically has no football team if that tells you anything...
|
|
|
|
|
jrjo
Gone Fishin
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16451
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 10:09 Post subject:
Had a buddy that interviewed down Tejas way for a couple teaching jobs and you ain't kidding.. the high school stadiums were bigger than any collegiate ball fields up here. And the adminstrators made it seem like football was what everything revolved around.
...more confirmation on my theory about heat and the human brain 
|
|
|
|
|
flarunner
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 30 May 2002
Posts: 2230
Location: FLA
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 12:48 Post subject:
| pokychick wrote: | | so true |
true dat
|
|
|
|
|
spongebob
Former FFL Champion
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 3602
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:24 Post subject:
Remember a few years ago when they could pray before the football games?
At an Air Force / Army game, the chaplain delivered this really touching prayer about "looking over the brave young men and women that display courage and honor who show unselfishness by sacrificing for their country each day and that their heroic efforts on the football field will be enjoyed by all...." he wrapped it up by saying, "And God, please look over the Army kids, too."
55,000+ AF fans went nuts. Great moment in military football history.
|
|
|
|
|
Noley
AZhat
|
|
|
Joined: 16 Aug 2003
Posts: 10494
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:26 Post subject:
[size=18]Awesome![/size] I thought I was back home for a minute! 
|
|
|
|
|
Noley
AZhat
|
|
|
Joined: 16 Aug 2003
Posts: 10494
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:27 Post subject:
I suck!!  UBB.
|
|
|
|
|
omega lambda
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 4691
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:32 Post subject:
Of course, in the West, men and women alike, whilst sipping a Jamba Juice with the Vita Boost ask, "Football? Maybe I'll catch a play or two after my liposuction/botox appointment." 
|
|
|
|
|
omega lambda
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 4691
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:35 Post subject:
| nolefan85 wrote: | | Awesome! I thought I was back home for a minute! |
there you go
|
|
|
|
|
elkid
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 18 Nov 2002
Posts: 8353
Location: hiding out in Philly
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 13:47 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | awesome. The south loves their football. Though I will have to invite over the whole Posse to see if we can beat that tailgating stuff. |
OOOH, count me in! Just tell me when, and what can I bring besides
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 19:47 Post subject:
Very cool, and so frighteningly true. Thank goodness, football season has arrived. Friday my HS team plays, Sat. is the TCU game, and then Sunday....it's NFL time!
|
|
|
|
|
Floridaboiler
POTFH
|
|
|
Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 09/03/03 - 19:56 Post subject:
| flarunner wrote: | | pokychick wrote: | | so true |
true dat |
|
|
|
|
