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Crazy Joe Divola
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Joined: 13 Nov 2002
Posts: 133
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 Posted: 11/27/02 - 12:43 Post subject: In case you have to make a toast on Thanksgiving
On a shotgun wedding: "To a couple who always believed in dessert before the meal. May your life be filled with joy and wonderful surprises."
On a young man's new body piercing: "Here's to a real stud — the one in your tongue."
On a breast augmentation: "May your B-cups runneth over."
On plastic surgery: "We're grateful for Aunt Alice's successful plastic surgery this year. We're sorry that she couldn't be here with us. Or maybe she is and nobody recognized her."
On a fourth marriage: "May your optimism be outweighed only by the terms of your prenup."
On a messy divorce: "On this Thanksgiving, let's remember Zsa Zsa Gabor, who never hated a man enough to give him back his diamond."
On a stock fraud investigation: "May whatever they discover be a boost to your career and not a bust to your rear."
On no-show relatives: "Before we give thanks let's remember those who are not here with us. Some have gone to their reward. Others just had tickets for the football game."
On dieting: "Here's to the turkey, here's to the pie, here's to the scales that make us all cry."
On your daughter marrying into a family of cannibals: "May the skin of your bum never cover a drum."
On families who obsess over terrorism: "May we be happy and may our enemies always know it."
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