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kristin31
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Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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 Posted: 02/12/05 - 11:52 Post subject: I have to go to a funeral
And I really don't want to go. I would rather remember the person alive than dead. Does that make me selfish?
It was our neighbor, she was a lovely older woman who died from a lung disease (something rare, where your lung tissue crystalizes). Never smoked a day in her life.
I want to remember her the last time we saw her socially, right before New Year's, when we went to her house for a cocktail. She was teasing Larry for being on crutches and saying he was in worse shape than she (and she was on oxygen).
I don't want to do this, but I feel like I have to, for the family (I work with her daughter-in-law, who also performed our wedding ceremony.)
The last funeral we were at was so awful (Larry's former business partner in Ohio and a very good friend of ours) that I don't know if I can take this.
Thanks for letting me get this out. Is it selfish for not wanting to go?
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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 11:55 Post subject:
She won't know that you're not there. And, frankly, she'd probably want you to remember her in the best way, the way that makes you most comfortable, a good memory. 
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kristin31
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 11:56 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: | | She won't know that you're not there. And, frankly, she'd probably want you to remember her in the best way, the way that makes you most comfortable, a good memory. |
NO, but the family will know, and Larry told them we would be there.
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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 11:57 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: |
NO, but the family will know, and Larry told them we would be there. |
Ah.  I'm sorry... so you're going to have to go?
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kristin31
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 12:02 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: |
Ah. I'm sorry... so you're going to have to go? |
Yes. It is today at 4:00.
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Laurie Ellen
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 12:28 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: |
Yes. It is today at 4:00. |
 Well, I'm sorry about losing her and I'm sorry you have to go. 
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 12:44 Post subject:
funerals aren't fun.
no one likes to go to a funeral because it is an eternal goodbye. you aren't selfish, i'd say it's a completely normal feeling of dread.
i think you need to go out of respect for her and her family. who doesn't want to remember their loved one as they "were"? i think memories will carry you thru that part, after the shock of the loss, memories can fill in.
i'm betting you'll always remember her, in spite of today, as that woman joking with larry. that's what will last.
i'm sorry for your loss. sounds like this comes at a bad time with everything else you're dealing with.
i think you'd feel badly in the future if you didn't go.
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
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Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 02/12/05 - 15:53 Post subject:
| rolling rock wrote: | funerals aren't fun.
no one likes to go to a funeral because it is an eternal goodbye. you aren't selfish, i'd say it's a completely normal feeling of dread.
i think you need to go out of respect for her and her family. who doesn't want to remember their loved one as they "were"? i think memories will carry you thru that part, after the shock of the loss, memories can fill in.
i'm betting you'll always remember her, in spite of today, as that woman joking with larry. that's what will last.
i'm sorry for your loss. sounds like this comes at a bad time with everything else you're dealing with.
i think you'd feel badly in the future if you didn't go. |
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kristin31
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Posted: 02/13/05 - 12:46 Post subject:
It was not as bad as I thought it would be. There was a really nice memorial board, and no open casket. The last one we went to was so awful that I was afraid this was going to be as bad. I am glad we went, and the family (especially the daughter-in-law) thanked us for being there.
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Laurie Ellen
Queenie
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Posted: 02/13/05 - 13:05 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: | | It was not as bad as I thought it would be. There was a really nice memorial board, and no open casket. The last one we went to was so awful that I was afraid this was going to be as bad. I am glad we went, and the family (especially the daughter-in-law) thanked us for being there. |
I'm so glad it turned out ok... open casket is the worst. What a horrifying tradition someone started! When you think about it, it really is horribly macabre and totally unnecessary.
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msparks
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Location: Jammin' at the Frim Fram, Frippin' in the Krotz
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Posted: 02/13/05 - 15:59 Post subject:
| Laurie Ellen wrote: | | ... open casket is the worst. What a horrifying tradition someone started! When you think about it, it really is horribly macabre and totally unnecessary. |
Which makes cremation so much more sense.
You die, you're cremated, and they have a memorial service. Easier on a lot of folks. And cheaper. Take the money saved between the cremation and a typical funeral and have a party with it. After all, memorial services are for the living. Might as well have some fun with it.
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akern
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Posted: 02/13/05 - 16:39 Post subject:
| msparks wrote: |
Which makes cremation so much more sense.
You die, you're cremated, and they have a memorial service. Easier on a lot of folks. And cheaper. Take the money saved between the cremation and a typical funeral and have a party with it. After all, memorial services are for the living. Might as well have some fun with it. |
I don't want people staring at me when I'm dead.
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msparks
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Location: Jammin' at the Frim Fram, Frippin' in the Krotz
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Posted: 02/13/05 - 17:00 Post subject:
| akern wrote: |
I don't want people staring at me when I'm dead. |
Okay, that's yet another reason for cremation!
But I promise not to stare at your cold, lifeless body...when you're dead.
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