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akern
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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 Posted: 02/17/03 - 14:57 Post subject: How to keep a healthy level of insanity.
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . .
20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
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runswithscissors
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8797
Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:02 Post subject:
Why does Joel's face pop up in my head for every one of these?
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:03 Post subject:
| runswithscissors wrote: | | Why does Joel's face pop up in my head for every one of these? |
<Rod Stewart voice>Infatuation...</RSV>
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runswithscissors
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8797
Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:08 Post subject:
I just saw Rod Stewart's face with that one.
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16242
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:21 Post subject:
I've been humoring myself by farting in my cube a lot and trying to get a reaction out of weasel boy. So far he hasn't said a word although I did catch him just shaking his head once.... Poor guy claims he's on a diet also and he's sharing cube space with the human eating machine.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:22 Post subject:
| runswithscissors wrote: | | I just saw Rod Stewart's face with that one. |
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akern
Member
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:56 Post subject:
Numbers 2 and 3 are my favorites!
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
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Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 15:59 Post subject:
Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:01 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny. |
Sure, regular citizens can't use a hair dryer, but the police can use a copy machine as a lie detector?
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runswithscissors
Member
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:02 Post subject:
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
Joe doesnt think thats funny either
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:03 Post subject:
| runswithscissors wrote: | 8. Don't use any punctuation marks
Joe doesnt think thats funny either |
- Excellent timing on that one. 
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:05 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | | rtpd113 wrote: | | Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny. |
Sure, regular citizens can't use a hair dryer, but the police can use a copy machine as a lie detector? |
Yeah, if he is stupid enough to admit to it we can. It still makes me laugh
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Running Brewer
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:33 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny. |
You've got to be kidding me!!!!
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:35 Post subject:
| Running Brewer wrote: | | rtpd113 wrote: | | Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny. |
You've got to be kidding me!!!! |
In an unmarked Ford Crown Vic, older police model, no longer used at the time, complete with lights and spot light yes.
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
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Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 02/17/03 - 16:51 Post subject:
| rtpd113 wrote: | | Running Brewer wrote: | | rtpd113 wrote: | | Do not use the hair dryer trick. Someone got arrested in this county many years ago for that and we are having many people impersonate the PO PO around here. We do not think it is funny. |
You've got to be kidding me!!!! |
In an unmarked Ford Crown Vic, older police model, no longer used at the time, complete with lights and spot light yes. |
Complete with cop motor, cop tires, cop suspension, it was the made the year before catalytic converters so it runs good on regular gas
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