Halloween Humor

POTFH

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10. YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO GET AT LEAST A LITTLE SOMETHING IN THE SACK.

9. IF YOU GET TIRED, YOU CAN WAIT 10 MINUTES AND GO AT IT AGAIN.

8. THE UGLIER YOU LOOK, THE EASIER IT IS TO GET SOME.

7. YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPLIMENT THE PERSON WHO GIVES YOU SOME.

6. IT'S O.K. WHEN THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH FANTASIZES YOU'RE SOMEONE ELSE....BECAUSE YOU ARE.

5. FORTY YEARS FROM NOW, YOU'LL STILL ENJOY CANDY.

4. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU GET, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR.

3. IT'S DOESN'T MATTER IF THE KIDS HEAR YOU MOANING AND GROANING.

2. LESS GUILT THE MORNING AFTER.

AND THE #1 REASON WHY TRICK AND TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX...

1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!!!

POTFH

A professor at the University of Arkansas is giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further, have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student way in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. As he ambles slowly toward the podium the professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang..... From way back there I thought you said "goats."

POTFH

Halloween

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted
husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some
aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled
by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after
sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still
early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know
what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her
husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party
and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a
little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and
being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and
devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as
far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered
a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of
the cars and had a good time. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped
away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what
kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up
reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh,
the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not
there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you, I never
even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some
other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're
not going to believe what
happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...

POTFH

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was just walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"

Still staring down at the sheets at his feet, the drunk replied:

"I think I just beat the s**t out of a ghost!"

POTFH

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note,which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a$$ and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

POTFH

A cabbie picks up a Nun on 5th Ave. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you. "

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" So the Nun says: "Pull into this alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "Well, that's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.

Halloween Humor

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