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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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 Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:06 Post subject: Grocery Shopping with the Wenchlet...dang I need a beer.
It goes a little something like this:
Don't lean on the eggs.
Because you'll break them.
YOU WILL BREAK THEM.
We don't need that big a block of cheese.
Pick the small one.
Pick the small one.
Pick the small one.
PICK THE SMALL ONE.
Bring the cart back.
BRING THE CART BACK HERE.
No, not that milk.
The purple cover.
Because it's fifty cents more for the same stuff.
It's the same stuff.
Put that one back. Put it back.
Get the purple cover.
Because I'm paying and you're not, so I choose.
Those are tampons.
Girly stuff.
You know, like when Katie was in heat, she kinda leaked.
Yeah, women do that too.
Yeah, I know, but let's not tell the whole store.
Get out from under the cart.
Because it's not safe.
Because I could run over your fingers.
WELL I CARE.
GET OUT FROM UNDER THE CART.
Don't throw the broccoli.
No, Mountain Dew is not coming home with us.
I don't care if Dad lets you.
Get your mouth off the tuna can.
Get out from under the cart.
Pick a good cereal and a crap cereal.
Ok, now get the store brand.
Same stuff.
It's the SAME STUFF.
BECAUSE I'm PAYING.
Well, when you're the dad, you can be mean.
Don't lean on the eggs.
Stop picking at the popcorn bag.
Because if it spills popcorn will go all over.
It won't be cool if they make you clean it up.
Well, I'm not staying here while you spend all night cleaning up popcorn.
STOP PICKING AT THE BAG.
Don't touch the fish ice.
Because there's fish guts all over it.
Don't touch the FISH ICE.
Get out from under the cart.
Get out from under the cart.
GET OUT FROM UNDER THE CART!
Shut the freezer door.
Stop scratching the frost, and shut the door.
No, we're not buying avocados.
Because you don't like them.
I don't either.
No, we're not playing with coconuts this week.
One papaya.
One.
One.
One.
Hubbout NONE?
Thank you.
No, not that big a bag of onions.
The small one.
The small one.
Because that's what I buy. Ive done this before.
Help me unload the cart.
Stop throwing the stuff.
Stop throwing.
never mind, go sit on the bench.
Go sit on the bench.
Okay...let's go.
yes. you need a hat.
because it's -19 out there.
I care.
JUST PUT THE HAT ON!!
Don't hang on the cart.
Get in the car.
Get in the car.
GET IN THE CAR!
Okay, it's really cold so I'm going to ask for your help to get these in the house.
I thought you were helping.
No, helping doesn't stop until it's all in.
Then you can go to bed if you're so tired.
Stop opening the new food. I don't need 3 million open things.
CHOOSE ONE SNACK.
Open the tuna over the sink!
Ok, bed time.
Bed time.
No I'm not laying tonight.
Because I need a break.
I JUST DO!
Goodnight. I love you too.
Yes I do.
Yes I do.
Listen, if I let you do what you wanted, then you wouldn't know how to be a grownup man.
I care.
ALright. I'm a meanie.
Goodnight.
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MechEngDropout
Member
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Joined: 27 Jun 2003
Posts: 10474
Location: Off the grid
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Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:10 Post subject:
Sounds like a nice evening.
I'll drink one for you.
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16218
Location: unknown zone
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Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:17 Post subject:
dang, i need a beer. 
that's hysterical.
well done. on many levels.
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HYPERASHEL
Member
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Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 15397
Location: The South's Sauna, Atlanta
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Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:28 Post subject:
 poor Maddie. Have a beer, relax, the Wenchlet is in bed now.
Ps can i have the blue cover? 
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crazyfrog
Kermitologist
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Joined: 31 May 2003
Posts: 7610
Location: atlanta
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Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:33 Post subject:
just one? howsabout three or four?
more power to you, i could not do it.
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Noley
AZhat
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Joined: 16 Aug 2003
Posts: 10494
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Posted: 01/15/04 - 22:50 Post subject:
I hope you did get that beer!
Can I join ya?
I need one after reading that too!
Get ready...you need to gear up for another day...it starts all over again tomorrow!
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akern
Member
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Joined: 31 May 2002
Posts: 17149
Location: CTU
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 08:59 Post subject:
I have just 2 questions for you:
1. Have you been shopping with my husband?
2. Does Katie still leak?
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kattzoo
Member
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Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:03 Post subject:
That wore me out just reading it. I'll buy you a beer!
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:06 Post subject:
Just remember he makes it all better on Mother's day right...right....right 
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brie k
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:29 Post subject:
OMG. Don't hate me if I laugh. I can relate. I have pretty much quit taking all 3 kids to the store because I've gotten tired of saying "no".
On the grocery topic, have you ever told him that when he's making the money and old enough to use the stove, he can decide what's for dinner? Will doesn't understand that boy cannot live on macncheese & applesauce alone...
Hang in there!!
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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:38 Post subject:
| brie k wrote: | OMG. Don't hate me if I laugh. I can relate. I have pretty much quit taking all 3 kids to the store because I've gotten tired of saying "no".
On the grocery topic, have you ever told him that when he's making the money and old enough to use the stove, he can decide what's for dinner? Will doesn't understand that boy cannot live on macncheese & applesauce alone...
Hang in there!! |
Ranger was howling on the phone as he was reading it last night. It is funny when it's over, but in the heat of battle when all the other shoppers are staring..NOT FUNNY.
This is actually proof positive of the mother's curse. She wished for three just like me, but I got one that was worth three.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:38 Post subject:
I was laughing so hard at the "women leak too" part that my eyes watered up and I had to stop reading.
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Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
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Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:40 Post subject:
| purple hayes wrote: | I was laughing so hard at the "women leak too" part that my eyes watered up and I had to stop reading.
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How else ya gonna 'splain it? I'm just glad he didn't ask for me to explain the mechanics of how they are used.  Especially since I use the bullet kind, not the plunger kind.
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copdotcom1
Member
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Joined: 09 Jan 2003
Posts: 782
Location: Arlington, TX
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 09:47 Post subject:
Isn't it impossible not to love Maddie and her journey through life! 
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Dancer
Member
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Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 2518
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Posted: 01/16/04 - 10:01 Post subject:
OMG you are so funny! Thanks for the good laugh this morning. And tonight I'll have a beer for you.
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