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kristin31
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8045
Location: Caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom
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 Posted: 03/01/06 - 00:10 Post subject: Good wishes (again, and I apologize)
I know I ask a lot lately, and apologize.
I go tomorrow to Hollywood, FL to an orthorpedist who specializes in feet/ankles and is recommended and on our insurance. I want this fixed, and permanently (or as much as I can get).
I'm worried about a few things. My right foot has not been the same since the surgery for the bone infection. It goes numb, then feels like someone stuck it in a light socket, combined with shooting pain. All I get down here are drugs for pain (nothing to fix, just prevent pain). I don't like that.
Additionally, I have a bump (black and blue and puffy) on my arm that has been there since the emergency surgery. My one IV got messed up (HLP, MS Cheryl!!!) and I woke up with the temporry inconvenience of sugary back-up liquid and the resulting ants crawling down my sheets as well as a bump that has moved up my arm and I think is causing some very awkward numbness in my left forefinger. I mentioned it to the family dr, who had no concern. I am worried, as it keeps travlling slowly upwards. Larry is not home much right now, because of season, but is also worried. I hope to god that it is not a blood clot. I think it is, and hate going to drs down here because most are not on our plan. I want to go back to the hospital that caused this, not to sue, but just to make them fix it free of charge. I'm really worried about this. I am going to an orthopedist tomorrow, but for consult for great toe joint replacement surgery, not "how to fix one IVC mess in my arm 101".
Please, anyone. I'm scared crapless, and everything I write I re-type because my finger keeps going numb.
If it explains anything, here is how I have been;
ADDICT
"I’d say that I don’t understand how I got to this point, but I do. This is too trite, already. I want to go sink into the bed, the white sheets and warm blankets which will warm my joints and then later when I wake up far too long after my last dose will induce sweat so intense the sheets and mattress underneath me will be soaked and when I remove the familiar comfortable wrappings I will shudder and shake with chills as I run to the bathroom, stomach cramping.
Perhaps I will lie here a bit longer, knowing that I have to get up, falling into a temporary withdrawal dream state where my nightmares mesh with reality. I’m not sure what is real any longer. I know that I have to wake up for my job. I have to wake myself up 30 minutes before I need to get in the shower and get myself ready for work because I need the pills to kick in for the pain in my feet so that I can walk, and I need to be prepared for the temporary withdrawal effects that might hit me in the morning. Stomach cramps, cold sweats, dizziness, nausea, stomach pain. Unfortunately, I can still function as a living working professional with this issue, which is becoming even to me more serious and in need of professional help every day. Professional help is what got me in this mess, and I am understandably a bit leery of any more in any capacity. At this point, I just want the drugs to get me through the pain in my feet, the eventual surgery, and then the detoxification process. I’ve tried to start it myself. I know that I need help. I also know that I am petrified."
I know Ryan (a close friend, and Larry's former restaurant business partner in Ohio) died from improperly prescribed painkillers and pneumonia at the age of 35. I am so scared. I hope this dr can help alleviate some pain safely and get me to the point wher I can be healthy and run again safely. Most imprtantly I want off of the drugs. If you want to be judgemental I certainly understand. I'd appreciate it if you were not. This is why I posted this; everyone here is so kind.
I'm your average neighbor or friend. I'm a professional kind of neighbor, fun kind of woman. If you had moved into my neighborhood, or I to yours, the first thing I'd do would be to invite your for a BBQ. You'd never know my problem unless you saw me at about noon on a Saturday when I was trying to not take anything, shaking from pain and withdrawal, vomiting and sweating and running to the bathroom every 10 minutes, only to give in and take another painkiler later to stop 1) the intense pain, and 2) the symptoms of withdrawal.
That's where our healthcare system is in the US> They'll pay$10 for 100 percocets, for months at a time, but charge me up to $50 a month for Indocin (an anti-inflammatory) and not cover the surgery until after a certain time has elapsed. They's rather pay for qyuick fix than preventive and permanent care.
I HAVE to get off of these. I don't want to live like this anymore. My feet and ankles hurt so much that I wake up crying. I am NOT a pain wimp. PLease just send me whatever you can in the way ot good vibes. I'll love you forever for it, and will always reciprocate. I hope that I still have friends here after this. I'm scares.
I'm lucky that Larry is behind me 100%, but I'd like to know people don't despise me because of this. I need support. If you can't give it, I understand.
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