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DCRunningDiva
Look at me!!! ©
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Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 9344
Location: Washington DC Metro
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 Posted: 09/02/04 - 12:03 Post subject: Friday could be emotionally painful (Long)
Three years ago my friends (we'll call them Jack & Jill) and I stopped talking. They had a baby in July of that year and just after Christmas of that year all communication between Jill and I had stopped. Jack still called my husband from time to time due to a common interest in Tae Kwon Do (Jack was the master).
The reason the communication stopped was because when Jill was pregnant I found out that Jack had been cheating on her with another girl who was in our TKD class. We called Jack out on it and told him he needed to tell Jill the whole story. He didn't. Jill was my best friend and I knew that by even bringing the subject up there was a potential to lose her friendship. However, I would rather her marriage survive than our friendship.
I found out in May of that year about the infidelity but never had proof positive until July - just after the baby was born. I never specifically told Jill what I knew but told her she needed to talk to her husband about where he had been during "this time and that time." Months later - in October - she called me and discussed the whole issue with me. Jack had told my husband that he had told Jill everything so when Jill called to talk to me about it she wanted to know everything that I knew. I told her (thinking she already had been told by Jack...she hadn't!). Before hanging up we both forgave each other and "made up." However, 3 years later we have never had another conversation.
Recently my husband and Jack have spent more time with each other and Jack said he and Jill have decided to stay together and work things out. Now, after all this time, Jack & Jill have invited us to go out to dinner with them on Friday!  I haven't seen their baby since she was 3 months old and she just turned 3 years old in July! Jill and I haven't spoken in almost 3 years and it'll be like meeting her all over again! I'm just not really sure how I feel about all of this but I have a feeling it is going to be a very emotional night. I think about her so often because she was like a sister to me. I pray all the time that things work out between she and her husband and I have prayed that she will one day want to be friends again. But now that it is happening I just don't know how I feel.
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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
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Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 09/02/04 - 12:22 Post subject:
Diva:
Go meet you friend, have dinner and catch up to your lives. The other stuff will fall into place.
Don't try too hard at this, just let things go and let them happen. If she felt resentful to you then she would never have initiated contact. She probably feels exactly the same way you do. How old was your little guy when you stopped talking ?
Be grateful this person want to come back into your life
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airehead
Oompa Loofah
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Joined: 12 Nov 2002
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Location: Between here and eternity...
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Posted: 09/02/04 - 12:34 Post subject:
Just remember, she took the hardest step--trying to come back into your life. She had no idea how you'd treat her. It took courage for her.
Probably the main reason she never spoke to you again was the intense humiliation that others knew things about her marriage that she didn't know.
I wish you luck and hope your friendship comes back stronger than before.
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kattzoo
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Location: Happily at the back of the pack
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Posted: 09/02/04 - 13:55 Post subject:
Tough situation, but it sounds like everything will be fine. People make mistakes and I'm sure it took a lot for her to move on with Jack. (maybe seeing you would be a constant reminder that you knew about the affair and make it harder to get over)
Good luck to all of you. I'm glad you're getting your friend back.
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rolling rock
The Pinball
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Joined: 15 May 2002
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Posted: 09/02/04 - 14:07 Post subject:
| airehead wrote: | Just remember, she took the hardest step--trying to come back into your life. She had no idea how you'd treat her. It took courage for her.
Probably the main reason she never spoke to you again was the intense humiliation that others knew things about her marriage that she didn't know.
I wish you luck and hope your friendship comes back stronger than before. |
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 09/02/04 - 21:00 Post subject:
| kattzoo wrote: | Tough situation, but it sounds like everything will be fine. People make mistakes and I'm sure it took a lot for her to move on with Jack. (maybe seeing you would be a constant reminder that you knew about the affair and make it harder to get over)
Good luck to all of you. I'm glad you're getting your friend back. |
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DCRunningDiva
Look at me!!! ©
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Joined: 10 Oct 2003
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Location: Washington DC Metro
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Posted: 09/04/04 - 07:56 Post subject:
Everything went so much better then I had planned! It's a new beginning! 
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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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Posted: 09/04/04 - 08:00 Post subject:
| DCRunningDiva wrote: | | Everything went so much better then I had planned! It's a new beginning! |
That is great to hear!
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JACKED UP
PRESIDENT
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Joined: 06 Jun 2003
Posts: 21238
Location: www.johnnydu.com
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Posted: 09/04/04 - 09:28 Post subject:
| Floridaboiler wrote: | | DCRunningDiva wrote: | | Everything went so much better then I had planned! It's a new beginning! |
That is great to hear! |
Yeah, we're happy for ya. 
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
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Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 09/04/04 - 10:57 Post subject:
That's great, Dives!! I was thinking about you last night and hoping it was going well.
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DCRunningDiva
Look at me!!! ©
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Joined: 10 Oct 2003
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Location: Washington DC Metro
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Posted: 09/04/04 - 20:51 Post subject:
Now that I have a little more time to write...
The evening started out somewhat uncomfortable for all of us. We initially met with a hug and Jill and I sat beside each other during dinner. Most of the dinner talk was about how much each of the others' kids had grown. I even had to ask her where she was working (starting all over from scratch again!). She didn't even KNOW I was a runner!!! Go figure!
Dinner went by pretty much uneventful and I didn't feel like ending the evening so quickly so I suggested Starbucks. We found one close to the restaurant but it was very loud and crazy because teenagers hang out in this particular parking lot and bring all their loud cars & motorcycles - remember folks, we went to Maryland for dinner...Virginians don't act that way!  Anyway, Starbucks was somewhat as uneventful as dinner but we were feeling more relaxed by this point.
When we got ready to leave Starbucks the guys wanted to go check out the cars. The kids were exhausted (11 p.m. ish by this time) so we put them in our Honda Pilot and turned on "Toy Story" on the DVD. I ran back into Starbucks for a minute and when I came back Jill had gotten into our car with her daughter. So, when I came back out I hopped into the car. THEN the REAL conversation began! We opened up about pain and hurt from years ago and talked about how we had overcome it, etc. We talked about things going on in our life right now and how we could really use someone (like we used to have) to lean on. It was a great conversation.
When we left it was on really good terms. She said she felt this was a new beginning for our friendship and that really thrilled me. I had told her that I had prayed for this for so long and I was just so excited that this moment was finally happening.
She WAS embarrased (as someone mentioned) by the whole ordeal. And, to make matters worse, she didn't find out the ENTIRE "truth and nothing but the truth" until about 3 months ago from her husband!!! So it was hard for her to even trust the things I said three years ago because she thought I had been lying to her this whole time!!!
Hopefully we can now move past this whole ordeal.
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andydp
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
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Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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Posted: 09/06/04 - 18:40 Post subject:
I'm gald it worked out for the both of you. REALLY REALLY GLAD !!! 
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