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andydp
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Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
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 Posted: 06/13/04 - 18:15 Post subject: For all you "corporate world drones" out there
You've Been in Corporate America Too Long When...
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don't know.
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
14. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line".
15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's a$$es."
16. You actually believe your explanation in number 15.
17. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
18. You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."
19. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
20. You like both types of sandwiches ham and turkey.
21. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
22. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
23. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
24. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
25. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
26. Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
27. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
28. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
29. You give constructive feedback to your dog, or worse, your cat.
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genie
Master of Prissface
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
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Posted: 06/13/04 - 19:06 Post subject:
I will NOT EVEN tell you how many of these are scarily accurate! 
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Floridaboiler
POTFH
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Joined: 18 May 2002
Posts: 11322
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
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Posted: 06/13/04 - 19:55 Post subject:
| genie wrote: |
I will NOT EVEN tell you how many of these are scarily accurate! |
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alyson98
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Joined: 26 May 2004
Posts: 1602
Location: Down East
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Posted: 06/13/04 - 20:44 Post subject:
I only apply to number 20 on the list. 
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scorch99
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Joined: 09 Oct 2003
Posts: 782
Location: On the road
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Posted: 06/13/04 - 22:09 Post subject:
guilty
S99
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Cappy
Excelent
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Joined: 16 May 2002
Posts: 27368
Location: Spreadsheetylvania
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Posted: 06/14/04 - 05:24 Post subject: Re: For all you "corporate world drones" out there
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
19. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
22. You believe the best tables and graphs spreadsheets take an hour to comprehend.
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 06/14/04 - 06:27 Post subject:
not me, but government is not much different. I just talk police jargon all the time.
Like, I am "out at","on location","clearing","copy", "did you receive"etc
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HighHeat
Big Daddy
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Joined: 30 May 2004
Posts: 6682
Location: Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
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Posted: 06/14/04 - 13:57 Post subject: Re: For all you "corporate world drones" out there
| Cappy wrote: | 10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
19. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
22. You believe the best tables and graphs spreadsheets take an hour to comprehend.
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Yeah,...
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blue
your favorite weapon
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Joined: 21 May 2002
Posts: 7010
Location: armed and ambitious
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Posted: 06/14/04 - 14:03 Post subject: Re: For all you "corporate world drones" out there
well... yeah. guilty. (and only after one year of business school at that)
i always assess things based on how their operating, and profits, and the corporate reasoning behind everything...
not for the sake of corporateness, but a desire and curiousity to understand all the workings of businesses (and thereby political parties, people, clubs, groups, society, etc) from a business point of view.
money runs the world in some form or another.
we just need to throw in something about nPow, nAch, and nAff... then we got all the bases covered.
ps. i hate graphs.
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Sahara
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Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 3345
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Posted: 06/14/04 - 14:18 Post subject:
| Quote: | | 27. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing. |
And it pisses me off that I can do this. I try really hard though at NOT saying, "Then we agree that we'll handle it that way moving forward."[/quote]
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