|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
 Posted: 01/28/04 - 19:03 Post subject: Email from Steff (for those of you following)
as follows:
"I just want to clear the air about what happened between us. When you called to say you were sorry I was not ready to except, but now I am calm to talk again. I am also sorry for being so bitchy about it all.
I hope you except
steff"
Ok, aside from the obvious grammatical errors, it's a nice email. Yeah, she was a butt to behave as she did when I called to apologize (even though I still don't feel I was wrong), but I should just forget it, right? Email her that it's ok, and then we try to be good friends to one another.
That's the right thing to do, isn't it?
Yeah yeah, I know, only I can know for sure. I have a forgiveness issue, as in I do it too much, so I don't know if this is going to bite me in the arse later on. I guess it doesn't matter. Doing the right thing is never a bad thing, even if this happens to us again, is it?
|
|
|
|
|
Maddies Wench
Flailing Homosapiens
|
|
|
Joined: 12 Jun 2003
Posts: 6103
Location: Seeking out the poorer quarters where the ragged people go.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/28/04 - 19:54 Post subject: Re: Email from Steff (for those of you following)
| brie k wrote: | as follows:
"I just want to clear the air about what happened between us. When you called to say you were sorry I was not ready to except, but now I am calm to talk again. I am also sorry for being so bitchy about it all.
I hope you except
steff"
Ok, aside from the obvious grammatical errors, it's a nice email. Yeah, she was a butt to behave as she did when I called to apologize (even though I still don't feel I was wrong), but I should just forget it, right? Email her that it's ok, and then we try to be good friends to one another.
That's the right thing to do, isn't it?
Yeah yeah, I know, only I can know for sure. I have a forgiveness issue, as in I do it too much, so I don't know if this is going to bite me in the arse later on. I guess it doesn't matter. Doing the right thing is never a bad thing, even if this happens to us again, is it? |
Second chances are hard to come by sometimes. I would take the high road in this case and accept as well. But stay guarded for awhile. 
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/28/04 - 19:57 Post subject:
Nothing wrong with saying "thanks for the e-mail, hope things are great with you" and letting it go at that. Sometimes friendships have rough spots, and sometimes, we outgrow our friends.
Maybe a little space will clear things up for you.
|
|
|
|
|
keltic63
the kilted one
|
|
|
Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/28/04 - 20:11 Post subject:
you can always accept an apology and even forgive the person, but there's no law says that you need to go back for a second helping of their sh!t. guard yourself, talk to her, do things with her only if you really want to, not out of any obligation or guilt.
|
|
|
|
|
thegman
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 04:06 Post subject: Re: Email from Steff (for those of you following)
| Maddie's Wench wrote: | | brie k wrote: | as follows:
"I just want to clear the air about what happened between us. When you called to say you were sorry I was not ready to except, but now I am calm to talk again. I am also sorry for being so bitchy about it all.
I hope you except
steff"
Ok, aside from the obvious grammatical errors, it's a nice email. Yeah, she was a butt to behave as she did when I called to apologize (even though I still don't feel I was wrong), but I should just forget it, right? Email her that it's ok, and then we try to be good friends to one another.
That's the right thing to do, isn't it?
Yeah yeah, I know, only I can know for sure. I have a forgiveness issue, as in I do it too much, so I don't know if this is going to bite me in the arse later on. I guess it doesn't matter. Doing the right thing is never a bad thing, even if this happens to us again, is it? |
Second chances are hard to come by sometimes. I would take the high road in this case and accept as well. But stay guarded for awhile. |
This follows my rule: I forgive. But I never forget.
|
|
|
|
|
andydp
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 23 Sep 2003
Posts: 8122
Location: Upstate NY near Albany
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 09:34 Post subject:
Just a small comment:
Most of the respondents are implying you should never forget, keep her at arms lenght, and all that.
All I will say is: Do you realize how much effort is involved on your part to act that way towards someone ? I would be willing to bet its much more than the other person is doing. I'll just say let it go. If the person makes advances so be it, accept them graciously and leave it at that.
The person who offered to make amends had to do a lot of soul searching and contemplation to admit they were wrong.
|
|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 11:19 Post subject:
| andydp wrote: | Just a small comment:
Most of the respondents are implying you should never forget, keep her at arms lenght, and all that.
All I will say is: Do you realize how much effort is involved on your part to act that way towards someone ? I would be willing to bet its much more than the other person is doing. I'll just say let it go. If the person makes advances so be it, accept them graciously and leave it at that.
The person who offered to make amends had to do a lot of soul searching and contemplation to admit they were wrong. |
I get what you are saying, but let's remember here that I am the one who called and apologized first, and she is the one who didn't accept it until now, 2 weeks after the incident.
My biggest problem today is that I have this "friend" who basically attacked me because I have a strong belief in God and The Word. She's like a lot of people in this world who believe in God, but only accept parts of the Bible, and this is something I just don't get. Like I said in the original post I think, I do have some negativity in me at certain times, but to say that I am negative because I have a certain belief, that just escapes me. I have 3 really good IRL girlfriends who just would never attack me in the way I felt attacked with Steff. It just begs the question, is she really a true friend? Disagreeing with me is one thing, and not everyone will agree on everything, but she attacked who I am, or at least I felt that way, and still do.
I guess now I would feel like I had to watch what I say to her, because she will think I'm being negative, and may say so, and you know, with all the stuff going on in my life right now, I just don't want to have to walk on eggshells with a "friend."
I don't know what I will do at this point. Probably think on it a bit more.
I thank all of you who shared your views!! You're the greatest bunch, evah!
|
|
|
|
|
genie
Master of Prissface
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 14:18 Post subject:
| brie k wrote: |
It just begs the question, is she really a true friend? Disagreeing with me is one thing, and not everyone will agree on everything, but she attacked who I am, or at least I felt that way, and still do. |
BINGO! I'd say not....especially if she knows how much your religious faith means to you, particularly when you are going through a rough time. Which, incidentally, I don't know how much she knows about, but she certainly isn't being very sensitive about that part of your life. Still sounds to me like it's all about HER and what SHE wants and needs.
| Quote: | | I guess now I would feel like I had to watch what I say to her, because she will think I'm being negative, and may say so, and you know, with all the stuff going on in my life right now, I just don't want to have to walk on eggshells with a "friend." |
And you shouldn't have to. Nobody gets along 24/7 but this has been a consistent problem for you two so why, like Keltic said, would you want second helpings of sh*t? People can yada yada the "do the right thing" and "forgive and forget" all they want, and I agree.....forgive, but walk away. Understand that not everyone who comes into your life is there forever and that's OK. We talked about transitory friends in my bereavement class when we were discussing other types of loss besides a death, and that was one that is often hard for people. But it's perfectly normal to have them. Think of people in high school, college, old jobs we've had in the past, who we were with day and night, but we don't see now. They were there in a particular period of our lives when we both needed each other to be there (to call on your faith theme....people come into our lives when they are meant to) but now that time has passed and it's OK to let go and move on. Just my  but I refuse to let anyone stay in my life anymore who is unhealthy for me to be around, and I have no regrets about that.
Whatever you decide, do what is heathiest for you and don't be so obligated to her. She hasn't given you that courtesy.
|
|
|
|
|
coachmarkos
my boys could swim
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 11387
Location: 1st in AFC West
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 14:19 Post subject:
You wont become a bad person by forgiving people again and again.
It's a nice thing to do.
|
|
|
|
|
keltic63
the kilted one
|
|
|
Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 14:23 Post subject:
| coachmarkos wrote: | You wont become a bad person by forgiving people again and again.
It's a nice thing to do. |
and in this case, I'd say it's definitely possible to forgive Steff, I just don't think Brie needs to make a real big effort to spend time with her.
|
|
|
|
|
genie
Master of Prissface
|
|
|
Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 16194
Location: Finding serenity one day at a time
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 14:26 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: | | coachmarkos wrote: | You wont become a bad person by forgiving people again and again.
It's a nice thing to do. |
and in this case, I'd say it's definitely possible to forgive Steff, I just don't think Brie needs to make a real big effort to spend time with her. |
I agree. Forgiveness is one thing, but forgiveness at the expense of being mistreated by someone is completely another and not a healthy way to live.
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 17:12 Post subject:
Since you have that strong belief in God and the Word, you already know what the right answer is. Sometimes (and that's 99% of the time for me) we get to caught up in what the world thinks is right. After all, God isn't going to ask you who was right or who was wrong, he's going to ask you if you represented him in the right light.
|
|
|
|
|
keltic63
the kilted one
|
|
|
Joined: 17 May 2002
Posts: 8574
Location: under the weather
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 20:37 Post subject:
| kattzoo wrote: | | Since you have that strong belief in God and the Word, you already know what the right answer is. Sometimes (and that's 99% of the time for me) we get to caught up in what the world thinks is right. After all, God isn't going to ask you who was right or who was wrong, he's going to ask you if you represented him in the right light. |
and I think we hear that in Brie's posts. the underlying question is this: can brie accept the apology, continue some contact with steff, and also not become a doormat? Notice that steff didn't apologize for the original statements, only for being so bitchy about brie's attempt to make things right.
|
|
|
|
|
kattzoo
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 3813
Location: Happily at the back of the pack
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/29/04 - 22:40 Post subject:
| keltic63 wrote: | | kattzoo wrote: | | Since you have that strong belief in God and the Word, you already know what the right answer is. Sometimes (and that's 99% of the time for me) we get to caught up in what the world thinks is right. After all, God isn't going to ask you who was right or who was wrong, he's going to ask you if you represented him in the right light. |
and I think we hear that in Brie's posts. the underlying question is this: can brie accept the apology, continue some contact with steff, and also not become a doormat? Notice that steff didn't apologize for the original statements, only for being so bitchy about brie's attempt to make things right. |
I agree with you Keltic...I think she's handling things quite well. What Steff does or doesn't do makes no difference as long as Brie continues in the right spirit. (which I would find next to impossible to do, and admire her restraint so far)
|
|
|
|
|
brie k
Member
|
|
|
Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
|
| Back to top
|
|
Posted: 01/30/04 - 08:59 Post subject:
I really and truly appreciate all your comments, everyone.
Thanks for taking the time to share.
|
|
|
|
  |
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
|
| Page 1 of 1 |
Related topics: | |
|
