Do you take care of your folks (aka parents)?
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Orange Bubble
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 Posted: 07/01/04 - 11:51 Post subject:
My mom turns 60 this year.  She and my stepdad, though, are still very young. They went on a motorcycle trip from Buffalo to Tennessee last week and back. She gets up at 5:30 every morning and goes for a three-mile walk and my stepdad never sits down. But it does make me nervous that they are so far away from me if anything happened. They have plans to move out this way when they retire in four years.
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copteacher
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 12:07 Post subject:
robin's parents are both dead. We (including her brother and sister) took care of her father in his last two months. He died with dignity at home with his family.
Robin's mom died in her sleep. She was a healthy 78. Few medical problems.
Mine and Greg's parents are both relatively young. With 5 brothers and sisters I am sure we will rotate taking care of them.
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kristin31
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 12:19 Post subject:
Seeing as how mine are about as far away from me geographically as humanly possible, no.
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genie
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 12:50 Post subject:
I don't have the best relationship with my parents either, I'm closer to my dad than my mom, but fortunately they are both still in pretty good health and my dad, an ex-mechanic, is real handy around the house. I go down and help him paint and stuff like that, and of course I do the obligatory holiday/birthday dinners and whatnot because I'm an only child and there's that guilt factor involved, but that's about it. Long story. 
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brie k
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 15:01 Post subject:
Well, I don't speak to mom, have no intention of ever doing so. I assume the boys will take care of her if/when the time comes.
Dad is 52 and looks & acts like a 30something. He was up on Granddad's roof this week doing something, shingles or refoofing, not sure. He's super handy, super healthy. I love him so.  I am going to work someday just so I can put him in Hugh Heffner's Old Folks Home (his wish!)  Dad is very silly. But I would certainly either help out if I were closer, should the time come, or move him in with us, should we remain geographically apart.
I can see my step-sister and her husband taking care of Dad and Tracy though in their elder years. I'm hoping I will live close enough to them by that time that I can assist as necessary too. I cannot imagine though Dad ever needing me in that way. The idea that Dad will get old, I just cannot fathom that one at all. His mother was active until the day we found out she had cancer (she died 3months after that) and I guess I just assume (hope?) it will be the same way with Dad. I just think he'd be miserable if he couldn't be active like he is today.
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pokychick
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 15:15 Post subject: Re: Do you take care of your folks (aka parents)?
| Ms. Jenn wrote: | On a side note: My one sister (she'll be 43) regularly cleans my mothers house because she expects my mother to pay her for it. The same sisters children will also help around the house for the same reasons. I think this is wrong and makes me want to  |
No way would I take money from my parents for helping them out; they'll need that money for the nursing home. 
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runaroundsue
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 16:50 Post subject:
my parents are in their 70s. It is doubtful that I'd provide any assistance. I have 2 sisters and a brother that live in town with them. They are financially set....but it that would change, I'd help out. Other than that my situation is totally opposite of Elkid's. My parents did not help me pay for any school, I paid for my own wedding, they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. Which is okay....except that that DID help several of my sibs in the same situation.
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pokychick
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 16:53 Post subject:
| runaroundsue wrote: | | , they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. |
I know you have posted this before, and I remember thinking how sad it was.
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kristin31
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 16:55 Post subject:
| runaroundsue wrote: | | my parents are in their 70s. It is doubtful that I'd provide any assistance. I have 2 sisters and a brother that live in town with them. They are financially set....but it that would change, I'd help out. Other than that my situation is totally opposite of Elkid's. My parents did not help me pay for any school, I paid for my own wedding, they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. Which is okay....except that that DID help several of my sibs in the same situation. |
I'm sorry. I know how that goes. Which is another reason I don't feel the need to help them. Except for the children (as I have none yet, and I doubt they'd show up), we're in identical situations.
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runaroundsue
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 17:08 Post subject:
| kristin31 wrote: | | runaroundsue wrote: | | my parents are in their 70s. It is doubtful that I'd provide any assistance. I have 2 sisters and a brother that live in town with them. They are financially set....but it that would change, I'd help out. Other than that my situation is totally opposite of Elkid's. My parents did not help me pay for any school, I paid for my own wedding, they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. Which is okay....except that that DID help several of my sibs in the same situation. |
I'm sorry. I know how that goes. Which is another reason I don't feel the need to help them. Except for the children (as I have none yet, and I doubt they'd show up), we're in identical situations. |
Most days I can deal with it and just love them because they are my parents....but when I think too hard about it, it hurts. Do you find that it's easier to "deal with" when you are far away? It didn't hurt so much, when I lived in TX, but when I lived 50 minutes away and they never visited, it hurt.
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kristin31
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 17:16 Post subject:
| runaroundsue wrote: | | kristin31 wrote: | | runaroundsue wrote: | | my parents are in their 70s. It is doubtful that I'd provide any assistance. I have 2 sisters and a brother that live in town with them. They are financially set....but it that would change, I'd help out. Other than that my situation is totally opposite of Elkid's. My parents did not help me pay for any school, I paid for my own wedding, they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. Which is okay....except that that DID help several of my sibs in the same situation. |
I'm sorry. I know how that goes. Which is another reason I don't feel the need to help them. Except for the children (as I have none yet, and I doubt they'd show up), we're in identical situations. |
Most days I can deal with it and just love them because they are my parents....but when I think too hard about it, it hurts. Do you find that it's easier to "deal with" when you are far away? It didn't hurt so much, when I lived in TX, but when I lived 50 minutes away and they never visited, it hurt. |
It's easier to deal with as they are very far away. They are coming to the wedding, at least, but that was after 5 years of not speaking to my mother.
I don't think about it so much. I've been on my own, financially speaking, since I was 17. They paid for a lot of my sister's schooling. I paid for my own (along with a few other things). I'm long over them.
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brie k
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 17:20 Post subject:
| pokychick wrote: | | runaroundsue wrote: | | , they did not see me or help me when I gave birth to my children. |
I know you have posted this before, and I remember thinking how sad it was. |
That is sad. My mother has never met my boys, has not been into being a mom since Libby was about 2. She's a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do type mother anyway (very judgmental) and does way more for the boys than she ever has done for me. It doesn't bother me like it used to, and I just take what I've learned from her (how not to be a parent) and go from there. Not much else I can do. 
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JACKED UP
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 20:19 Post subject:
My parents are fine on their own yet. I do take care of my Grandma who lives in the same small town as me, she's 85. I do her laundry, shopping, and errands. I don't clean regularly for her and I feel guilty about that. But if she needs something done, I do it. Hubby and the boys do the same. My Mother and Uncle live 15 miles away as do several other grandchildren and great grandchildren. They all assume I should do everything as I'm the only one who "don't work"........WTF???  Did I mention the gym I own gets 40 hours of my time a week and I clean 2 houses for other people every week too. Not to mention take care of my own house, hubby, and 2 boys. Oh, and I manage to run, bike and spend time at the gym training too. 
I don't mind doing anything for her, she was there for me as a child when my parents weren't. Sometimes she gives me a little cash 10 or 20 bucks or pays for my haircut, or buys me stuff at the grocery store. But I don't expect it, however I very much appreciate it and tell her so too.
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runaroundsue
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 22:12 Post subject:
| JACKED UP wrote: | My parents are fine on their own yet. I do take care of my Grandma who lives in the same small town as me, she's 85. I do her laundry, shopping, and errands. I don't clean regularly for her and I feel guilty about that. But if she needs something done, I do it. Hubby and the boys do the same. My Mother and Uncle live 15 miles away as do several other grandchildren and great grandchildren. They all assume I should do everything as I'm the only one who "don't work"........WTF??? Did I mention the gym I own gets 40 hours of my time a week and I clean 2 houses for other people every week too. Not to mention take care of my own house, hubby, and 2 boys. Oh, and I manage to run, bike and spend time at the gym training too.
I don't mind doing anything for her, she was there for me as a child when my parents weren't. Sometimes she gives me a little cash 10 or 20 bucks or pays for my haircut, or buys me stuff at the grocery store. But I don't expect it, however I very much appreciate it and tell her so too. |
don't work????? I'm trying to figure out when you sleep!!!!!!!
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Zatoichi
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Posted: 07/01/04 - 23:21 Post subject:
My mom's in her 80s, and my dad's been gone for a number of years.
She's with me now - while she did great for years after my dad died, she's able to do less and less with each passing year. While I have two brothers, one's married and living in a nearby city, and the other's far too flaky to be entrusted with much responsibility. So, here I am - I was the black sheep in my younger years, and my dad and I fought like cats & dogs, but his death hit me like a ton of bricks.
Lessons learned - I'm trying to maintain a good relationship with my mom for however long we're together.
Every generation, blames the one before
And all of their frustrations, come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner to all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage to all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him, in the living years
- Mike Rutherford, "In The Living Years"
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